Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   Hello! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=55500)

Dianthus 09-14-2013 06:03 PM

I figured I should probably properly introduce myself before actually posting questions!

My name is Diane. I'm in my mid-30s, and have been married for ten years. I've been having open relationships since I was very young, but my husband and I both went through bad breakups when I was pregnant with our first child, and between being busy with one thing (babies) and another (careers), we never ended up dating anyone outside our relationship.

... Until I got the chance to reconnect with someone from my past who, despite not talking for many years, was still enormously important to me. With my husband's enthusiastic encouragement, we (re-)started a relationship this past summer.

Doing poly as a married mama with a career is really different from doing poly as a college/graduate student, so I'm looking for people to talk to while we figure that out.

kdt26417 09-15-2013 02:14 AM

Greetings Diane,
Welcome to our forum.

Congratulations on your new romance, and on your husband's wonderful support. You certainly are in a different place in your life this time around, so talking to the various folks on this site will probably be enormously helpful.

In addition to your own posts, feel free to browse around here and check out any threads that interest you. You never know what you might run into that strikes a chord with you.

Glad to have you aboard.
Kevin T.

sleepygirl 09-18-2013 03:57 PM

Poly as a married mama is a whole different kettle of fish, isn't it? ;) I'm still learning how to balance it all myself.

pulliman 09-18-2013 06:27 PM

Hey, how nice that you have found back to something from your past with such enthusiasm. Yeah, parenting is a rough one, and career aspirations cause their own problems. We're struggling through those details, and it's hard enough to do that without additional intense relationships! Our issue is the balancing of date time among three couples and the triad - while trying to keep sane and ahead of the work curve. Mostly it goes ok. Having each "outsider" to a couple trying to encourage the couple sure does help, though. My wife set up my date with AM tonight, for example, but I set up their date for next week. I hope you guys are succeeding in your own way, too!

FullofLove1052 09-18-2013 09:56 PM

Welcome to the forum, and you are right. Being poly and balancing motherhood and a career are completely different from university and graduate school days. I had to learn that lesson the hard way. The biggest thing to remember is expect the unexpected. No part of parenting is predictable, so whoever you date needs to understand that and be flexible and understanding. They cannot pitch a fit when you have to ask for a raincheck on a date because of a sick child at home. Yes, there are people who behave like that. (I just read a thread where the girlfriend was upset because the OP was helping his partner with feeding their newborn twins. It seemed like she wanted to limit the amount of time he was at home with his new family because it cut in to their time.) Stuff like that? Red flag.

I am sure you will be fine, but read through the various forums, search for poly parenting or similar terms within the forum, and check out the blogs section. There are a lot of parents on the forum, and each one does things differently. Some prefer that partners have no contact with their children while others elect to co-parent the children together. Some tell their children, "This is my boyfriend/girlfriend X, and I love him/her like mum or dad." Make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page about things regarding other partners and children. Especially just how involved those people will be allowed to be. Things like discipline and just how much to tell them seem minor, but children do get attached quite easily. It is always unfortunate when they wind up in the middle of break-ups or start loving a person who later leaves. You have to find the right way to do things, and trust, there is no right way for everyone.

If you have questions, feel free to post them and ask. Other than that, good luck, and I wish you well.


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