Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Life stories and blogs (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=5)
-   -   Me and my story in a nutshell (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5540)

Ohiogrl 01-19-2011 02:32 AM

Me and my story in a nutshell
 
I want to describe my situation, but am leaning on the side of caution and to not be TMI. If there is anything that I speak of that if not exactly clear please feel free to ask me, I will answer if possible.

Bit of history:

I am going to be 34 next week. My BF and I have been in a relationship on and off for ten years. Very early on he wanted to be in a poly situation and omg did I ever fight that kicking and screaming the whole way! It literally took a couple of years to be ok with that concept at all. I was absolutely NOT ok with it. And because of that, He suffered. He chose to continue to see only me to make me happy. But in the end neither of us were happy. And I sincerely regret my behavior at the time. I under went counseling on an entirely different subject, but while I was doing that, I learned alot about myself on a whole, and also how I truly felt about love and relationships.

My insecurities about poly were never about him or any other woman, they stemmed way back from an abusive relationship that I had from a previous marriage. Where I was cheated on, physically, mentally and sexually abused, everything that could go wrong, did. Since My Bf and I started seeing each other shortly after all that ended, I never had the opportunity to heal from that previous relationship. I never was able to separate the two at the time. I saw his wanting to be poly potentially being the same thing I had dealt with before. I can now look back and know for sure how very wrong I was in that assumption. BF now is NOT and NEVER will be what my ex husband was. A total and complete JERK. EX constantly told me I would never be good enough, and I let that stick in my head for a very long time. Feeling like you are not good enough on all levels, defiantly is not healthy in general, especially when you have a bf who wants another woman. Being newly disabled due to a severe sleep disorder, and having the sex drive of a rock made things that much more difficult for me. And most definitely for my Bf. The beginning was a real struggle for us both.

How I feel about love and relationships:

I suspect I have always felt this way actually. But my upbringing and former relationships, and society in general have all told me this is all very very wrong. Once I started thinking for myself though, and to hell with the rest of them, I realized that not only am I very accepting of poly relationships, I actually WANT that for myself. (LOL. If I wasn't in a relationship I would be a perfect unicorn. I am super low maintenance and with a low sex drive, I am good with every so often. I'm am mostly about the intellectual aspects of relationships than I am the physical ones.) There are so many people on this earth, so much we can learn from each other, so much love to share, who wouldn't want this? Being able to experience the energy of another human being is such a beautiful thing! Whether it be intellectual or a physical relationship, There is so much more for all of us out there. We owe it to ourselves to search out and experience happiness, in all forms.

My relationship as of now:

My Bf and I are doing well. Despite all the drama other girls have caused. (since they were not good candidates) We do have some struggles ahead of us, after all this time I am moving pretty far away, next month actually, and I know the LDR will be hard on us when we have spent all this time together. I sincerely wish he had found some one worthy to go through this with him as I know that me leaving is going to be a hard thing for him to deal with. I am also struggling with the idea of me seeing other people during this time apart. I have never done it before. It has just never been a desire, and it still isn't at this time, but this will be a LT move for me and I am bound to eventually need to find some sort of connection also.

Its going to be a long and interesting road, but we are trying to see the positives and not the negatives. We discussed actually breaking up, but neither of us want that... so we will see where the wind takes us I suppose.


Okay, so that is me. I cant think of anything else to add at the moment.
I will post again to update.

Thanks for listening.

MonoVCPHG 01-19-2011 03:00 AM

Welcome and thanks for sharing this :)

Ohiogrl 01-19-2011 04:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 61770)
Welcome and thanks for sharing this :)

TY!

I hope I was not to general!

Charlie 01-19-2011 02:41 PM

Welcome and it is very nice to meet you!

MonoVCPHG 01-19-2011 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ohiogrl (Post 61781)
TY!

I hope I was not to general!

Works for me, but I'm easy...errrrr not in that way :rolleyes:

Ohiogrl 01-19-2011 11:03 PM

Thank you both for the warm welcome!

Ohiogrl 01-19-2011 11:30 PM

I have been reading alot here and I am seeing alot of something that is disturbing to me. I am not sure exactly where to post this so I thought I would just include it here in my blog.

There seem to be alot of people who either have Bipolar or think they have Bipolar Disorder. This worries me.

Bipolar is real no doubt about that, it is a very serious issue and kudo's to people who struggle with it on a daily basis, it cant be easy to go through life like that. The strides they make to overcome their issues are something we should all be aware of and also be proud of them for doing so.

That being said, I think alot of times, especially in the US, Bipolar is overly diagnosed incorrectly. A blanket Dx if you will. It seems that anytime some one exhibits an extreme emotion, one way or the other or both, it is to often assumed that person has bipolar. The thing to remember that Emotions are real. We all have them to varying degrees. Dont be afraid of them. Dont be afraid to allow yourself to FEEL something. If you are not feeling the anger and the hurting and the disappointment, you are not likely to feel the the happiness and the excitement also. Just because a person is extremely upset, doesn't make them bipolar. On the flip side of that, how often does anyone assume some one is bipolar when they are extremely happy? Pretty much never.

I know that when we are hurting, we want to assign reason, we want it to go away... Dont jump immediately to pills to fix this. There will be alot of ups and downs sudden ones even. Especially with emotions of the heart. Allow yourself to naturally go through these emotions, and yes it takes time. Some longer than others. Rely on positive communication, and friends who you can trust. Rely on yourself! Tell yourself, "Today may suck... but it wont always be this way..." give yourself permission to have a bad day. The good days will come again soon enough.

With out the darkness, we would never recognize the light for the beauty that it is. With all my dark days, and I have had MANY of them, I wouldn't give them up for the world. I know all that pain I have risen from, is part of what makes me who I am today. And I am pretty dang awesome!

If you really feel that you are experiencing a medical issue though, by all means seek help. Dont use MY opinion as an excuse to avoid any potential serious issues. I'm just a random chic who sits on her computer all day.:D

I hope this wasn't offensive, I have no intention for it to be. :o

Ohiogrl 01-21-2011 01:08 AM

Girls and girls and more girls....
 
I have mentioned in another thread of the onslaught of ridiculous relationship My Bf and I have been in. I want to mention some of them here sort of as a reference point for what we have dealt with. I am going to break my own TMI rules here. LOL. Since I screen women and have Veto power, I really feel obligated to explain that I am not being jealous, I am truly doing this out of concern, so I hope this helps. I am only listing a couple of them, cuz I dont have all day. LOL.

Our first:
We will call her JJ. We were both in a relationship with her. OMG she was something else. Hot little blonde, A real giver if you get my drift. We all hung out together or separately, or what ever, it didn't matter we were all happy and it was all good. We had met her mother who was fine with our arrangement and actually encouraged it, all was freaking amazing... mind blowingly awesome, for about 3 months. Then one day, JJ called me crying.
She had been lying to us the WHOLE time. not just little lies mind you. BIG ones. for starters, her name was not JJ it was something else entirely. She was ONLY 16. Her mother had just lost custody of her for pimping her out to older men at bars. (her mother btw, lied to us about her age and name also)
Wost of all She was pregnant. Likely my BF's. Her mom had taught her how to poke holes in the condoms with a needle so they would break during use. And that did happen a couple times. My BF and I were in our early 20's at the time and she had told us she was 19. We believed her. She was never in school, she had a job, etc.. she was um... Very mature... Why wouldn't we believe her?
Childrens Services grilled her about who the dad was so she had to tell them. HAPPILY, she admitted to lying about her age, or else he would probably still be in jail right now and considered a sex offender. Turns out the baby was his and we tried to get custody when it was taken away from this girl, but no lawyer would touch it. So he has an 8yr old kid out there that he never sees but has to pay child support too. Because of the original situation, he cant get visitation either.

So that was our first time. Horrid learning experience that outed us, caused huge drama with both our families, and made us realize, we need to be more careful, and make rules or boundaries.

Another one I will share is a girl I'll call L. He met her on myspace. She was really pretty. and seemed nice, but in this case, was still upset about JJ and wasn't interested. We were VERY cautious of unexpected pregnancies at this time so Right away my bells and whistles were going off about her when she said she couldn't have kids. She was in her early 20's. and claimed to have uterine cancer. At that time, not previously. now I am no expert, but she didn't seem the least bit sick, and wouldn't it hurt to get laid with a situation like that? I honestly dont know. About a month later, she was being accepted into the Navy. WTF? I am pretty sure there are rules about health screening for the military.... anyhow, she ended up lying about alot of things, stealing money etc... and was upset I didn't want her because she wanted me and him both. So yeah, long story short, that didn't work out either.


So these are just a couple of the weird ones we have dealt with, there are many more, thus my need for caution. I am truly only interested in not having more chaos in our lives. Its not a jealousy thing I promise. =)

polycouple 01-22-2011 04:00 AM

I feel you with the distance thing. My man and I are living apart, after living together for six years. I have been extremely cautious, if not down-right stubborn about not opening our relationship up. Due to all our work and school related stress the spark just isn't there between us and the thought of seeing him feel that for someone else makes me a little nautious, but when I remember how much joy we got from this before, I am reminded that I AM poly, and these feelings stem from something that is my problem, not his. So to get to the point, I really respect how comfortable you are with the thought of him having someone else to help him through you moving away. I just thought that was beautiful, and something for me to work up to.

Now on to your 16yo story. We ALWAYS check ids if people look younger than 25. It sounds crazy but we make em' show us their ids.

Ohiogrl 01-22-2011 04:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by polycouple (Post 62546)
I feel you with the distance thing. My man and I are living apart, after living together for six years. I have been extremely cautious, if not down-right stubborn about not opening our relationship up. Due to all our work and school related stress the spark just isn't there between us and the thought of seeing him feel that for someone else makes me a little nautious, but when I remember how much joy we got from this before, I am reminded that I AM poly, and these feelings stem from something that is my problem, not his. So to get to the point, I really respect how comfortable you are with the thought of him having someone else to help him through you moving away. I just thought that was beautiful, and something for me to work up to.

Now on to your 16yo story. We ALWAYS check ids if people look younger than 25. It sounds crazy but we make em' show us their ids.


Oh no kidding? You are going through the LD thing after a long time too? I am very nervous about it. I will say that. lol. It is nice to know someone else who is doing this though. I kinda thought it was something that didn't happen to often.

As far as that 16 yo, oh most definitely, NOW I check ID's, backgrounds, etc etc... I am almost overly cautious now. I try not to be... but I worry to much I guess. lol lesson learned! Big time!


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:24 AM.