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Cherub 09-10-2013 07:41 PM

Curious Enough to Start Exploring
My marriage has been a happy merging of contrasts which has been going strong for more than 15 years now. Some areas where we differ include her being a frequently flirtatious extrovert who enjoys going out and being very social, while Im more introverted, tend to enjoy pursuits closer to home and prefer a few deep friendships to a crowd of friends at any given time. Similarly when we married she had been in more romantic relationships than me.

Before we married she was open to me about her being sexually attracted both to men and women (bi-curious), but we have both been functionally mono in our marriage with her never having acted on her attraction to women before or since. We both enjoy reading fiction and role-playing games which we eventually combined into an ongoing enhancement to each bedtime to our mutual enjoyment. Indeed Ive come to question if were unusual in attempting intimate sessions of 30-60 minutes each weeknight and multiple longer sessions on a weekend?

These sessions have allowed for exploring romantic fantasies which have consistently gone in a romantic polyamorous direction despite several different settings and stories. Most often her main character(s) end up as the hinge of a vee with deep romantic attachment to a devoted mono husband as well as her poly girlfriend(s) or boyfriend(s) going on towards second husband. She is also much drawn to the prospect of what she calls a puppy pile with her being in the middle of her two lovers, an experience she had once before she and I met and describes in vivid and ecstatic terms.

As it is we are considering her dating at this point more likely seeking a boyfriend. There are a few reasons I / we have considered going from limiting thoughts of polyamory from fantasy to potential reality, but wonder if a different folder or this intro would be appropriate for such matters?

Regardless, I meet new people and hope to learn from others who have considered poly or have taken the plunge to learn what your experiences have been like as well as what consequences to be prepared for?

-R -husband (straight-mono) of C (bi & poly-curious)
-Capitol Region of NYS

kdt26417 09-11-2013 12:00 AM

Hello Cherub,
Welcome to our forum.

I think I would recommend checking out the Life stories and blogs board, both for reading other people's stories, and for starting your own blog. If you have questions or want relationship advice, the Poly Relationships Corner might be a good place to visit.

It sounds like you're in the process of making a major life decision, and there's no way to be sure of the consequences without trying it. One thing to be prepared for is that sometimes you think you'll be okay with something, but then when it actually happens you find yourself struggling with it.

But as I said, check out that blogs board. I think it will help.

Kevin T.

Cherub 09-18-2013 07:56 PM

Thanks for your suggestions Kevin. Reading through the resources here has been very helpful and has raised new considerations that were discussing and hadnt previously considered.

C discussed the matter with her therapist this morning as she felt this was needed information for understanding her. Were now re-examining aspects of our relationship as she has both recognized my deep love for her and what she is seeking in potentially adding a boyfriend and why a new love is either needed or desired given what we already have?

This is an aspect of polyamory that Im still trying to get a sense of. Love her and desire to see her happy and fulfilled and dont doubt her ability to love both me and another - But if Im mono oriented and shes poly, would loving another add or dilute our love?

I wonder with both excitement and concern at what the answer would or will be. Im hoping to find what other mono-poly couples weigh in on their experiences.


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