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-   -   Birth Control and Polyfidelity (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=54777)

Bluebird 09-09-2013 07:05 PM

Birth Control and Polyfidelity
 
My boyfriend M and I have not been able to have penetrative sex yet, since we are still awaiting his STD test results. He should be good to go soon, so we are having an overnight on Friday. (Yay! Can't wait.) We have had a lot of discussions surrounding birth control, and I am still wondering if we are leaving out any options.

Some background:

I had a lot of bad issues with hormone-based BC pills as a teenager. My ex and I used condoms until we were trying to conceive, at which point we discovered I had a short luteal phase and would need meds to support early pregnancy, and that he was actually completely sterile due to a genetic disorder. So, we stopped all condom use at that point.

With my husband, we tried to conceive early in our relationship, failed at that, and testing showed he was fine. Apparently something else is blocking a baby, because we've used no protection for 8 years. My short luteal phase came up again, but I hadn't ever been pregnant for it to be an issue.

So, in with M. He currently uses no protection with his wife, because she is unable to have any more children. He has said he is willing to use condoms with me, but he has a very difficult time maintaining an erection. So, condoms could get expensive.

I have an appointment for an IUD consult next week, but that apparently can take a month to schedule to have put in.

We are going to see how things go with condoms, but I am not optimistic, given M's past issues.

My question is, since I am loathe to take any type of hormone based BC, what other types of BC should we be looking at? Is there something else I could use, easily & quickly, in the time before I get the IUD?

I am also interested in hearing about condom use with guys that have difficulties. This is new to me! Any ideas how to better manage this?

We have discussed using the withdrawal method, which in our case may be the way to go, since he has difficulty achieving orgasm anyway, and in most cases wouldn't be inside me when finishing. Combining that with my Pre-existing fertility issues, I don't feel like it'd be a huge risk, but it still makes me uncomfortable. A baby at my age (almost 36) is NOT what I want at all.

Right now my husband is mono, and M's wife is not expanding any of her relationships, so I feel safe going without any STD protection. M's wife may add new partners in the future - only M practicess polyfi - so at that point, I may have to go back to condoms anyway, to maintain that barrier. At the moment it isn't an issue.

Thanks for any information!

gorgeouskitten 09-09-2013 08:08 PM

well, it sounds like you are going to have to go the condom route until the IUD is in place if the many worry is pregnancy, sounds like you have no STD's worries with this set up.

SO..some condom advice. Like you, I cant use hormone BC, so i have to use condoms with both guys. main suggestion, use lube inside and outside the condom....otherwise im not sure what to tell ya :) Spermacide?
FYI, spouse and i used withrdrawal for 8 years with no unplanned pregnancies (3 planned ones) and we concieve VERY easily. but that is something on all of your comfort levels

alibabe_muse 09-09-2013 08:27 PM

Mirena IUD
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluebird (Post 227500)
I have an appointment for an IUD consult next week, but that apparently can take a month to schedule to have put in.

I'm not sure why it would take a month to have an IUD put in. Unless it's insurance approval.

I had my annual and std tests on July 29th. I could have had the IUD put in that day (insurance immediately approved, I had been on the mini-bc pill [I still breastfeed so no regular pill but it was causing me to have cycles every two weeks] and didn't want to quit nursing so the regular bc pill was out of the question) but the doc and I decided to wait until my tests came back in case of any infections. I had my IUD put in on 8/13 (would have been sooner but doc was on vacation the week before) and the only requirement was not to have intercourse 48 hours prior (so I didn't get pregnant but that was a mute point since I was on the pill) and none for 7 days after (when it takes effect and also to prevent infections). My IUD is the Mirena. It's good for 5 years.

I would call around and see if another gyn could get you in sooner or go to your local Planned Parenthood (that is if you are in the U.S.).

I have no recommendation on what else to use besides condoms. If you do use them, the purple package ones have worked great for me with other partners. Here is the one's I use: http://www.trojancondoms.com/Product...d-condoms.aspx

Inyourendo 09-09-2013 08:29 PM

A box of 40 lifestyles is Like $12, thats what we use. I got pg with dd1 doing charting and I got pg with dd2 doing withdraw. I think to be safe you really should condoms, he will get use to them..

Do you know if they will let you get an iud? I've always been told they won't let you have one until you've already had a baby.

gorgeouskitten 09-09-2013 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alibabe_muse (Post 227514)
I have no recommendation on what else to use besides condoms. If you do use them, the purple package ones have worked great for me with other partners.

good point in reccomending kinds, i like lifestyles ultra sensative, latex if you arent allergic to it.

alibabe_muse 09-09-2013 08:35 PM

Here is a link to the Mirena site: http://mirena-us.com/index.php?ecid=...ggl:brbrd:2844

I'll read through it but I don't think you need to have had a child to have it.

UPDATE: So it is recommended for those who have had one child but it doesn't say if you've not had children you can't use. It's between you and your healthcare provider. Here is the link to those WHO SHOULD NOT USE IT:

http://mirena-us.com/frequently-aske...not-use-mirena

Bluebird 09-09-2013 09:08 PM

I am not looking to get Mirena or any one with hormones, just the copper IUD. My oldest daughter got one when she was 16, so I know it can be given to someone who hasn't had a baby. :)

Er, yeah, I have kids that I adopted. So, I am a momma but no pregnancies, in case that looks questionable, lol.

They told me 4-6 weeks to order the IUD? They didn't say anything about insurance. I am ok if ours won't cover it though, we have a flex account that is still flush and it has to be used by the end of the year anyway. It does seem sort of surreal to be putting in an IUD to prevent a baby when we had tried for so long. Oh well - I definitely don't want one now, for sure.

I don't think it is a question of him being used to condoms or not, just that he has difficulties already and I can't see how adding a barrier will help. :/ frustrating. He has talked about Levitra, maybe he will talk to his doctor about that on Wednesday!

alibabe_muse 09-09-2013 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluebird (Post 227533)
They told me 4-6 weeks to order the IUD? They didn't say anything about insurance.

That just seems like a long time for the whole process for an iud. Can you see if another gyn has it in stock? Then you don't have to wait.

Bluebird 09-09-2013 10:46 PM

This is the only one that takes my insurance. :/ I will keep my fingers crossed. Let's just hope that I don't have to keep my legs the same way in the meantime! :D

gorgeouskitten 09-11-2013 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluebird (Post 227550)
This is the only one that takes my insurance. :/ I will keep my fingers crossed. Let's just hope that I don't have to keep my legs the same way in the meantime! :D

lol. what about spermacide or the female condom? (i dotn know much about either) OR...you know..dont have um....sex that can get you pregnant...their are otehr options. lol


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