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-   -   Poll - physical copies of STI screens (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=54645)

violiner93 09-07-2013 03:24 PM

Poll - physical copies of STI screens
 
Under what circumstances, if any, do you require to see a physical copy of a partner's STI screening results? A partner's partner's results? A partner's partner's partner's results? Is that a line that you draw somewhere, where is it, and why? I'm curious how others approach managing this risk.

My own answer:

In the absence of prior suspicion of an infection I'm content with a verbal "I got mine back and they're fine." I believe that if I can't trust someone enough to be honest with me about their results that I shouldn't be involved with them. Of course this requires me to only date people that I think I can trust, but I'm ok with that limitation.

Thanks for your participation!

london 09-07-2013 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violiner93 (Post 227157)
Under what circumstances, if any, do you require to see a physical copy of a partner's STI screening results? A partner's partner's results? A partner's partner's partner's results? Is that a line that you draw somewhere, where is it, and why?

None. I believe in trust. Firstly, I have to trust my partner(s) to be truthful with me. If I don't trust what they are saying to me about anything, we have issues. Secondly, I have to trust that they have sound character judgement: that means that if a metamour says that s/he doesn't have any STDs, I might enquire what tests they have had, but I have to believe what they say. That is part of trusting my partner and his choice in partners. Thirdly, I look after my own sexual health - it's my responsibility to protect my health and I do so by having regular STD tests. If my test comes back positive, it will be obvious that someone in the network has contracted an STD, probably when breaking a fluid bonding agreement that they didn't disclose. That would mean that I have to reconsider my trust in that person.

If it was herpes that I came back positive for, it would be hard to actually confirm that I had contracted it from a current partner and that they broke a fluid bond agreement of some sort to get it. They might have got it whilst using protection, same as I could have. Either/any of us, tested or not, might have had it for some time.

Ariakas 09-07-2013 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violiner93 (Post 227157)
Under what circumstances, if any, do you require to see a physical copy of a partner's STI screening results? A partner's partner's results? A partner's partner's partner's results? Is that a line that you draw somewhere, where is it, and why? I'm curious how others approach managing this risk.

My own answer:

In the absence of prior suspicion of an infection I'm content with a verbal "I got mine back and they're fine." I believe that if I can't trust someone enough to be honest with me about their results that I shouldn't be involved with them. Of course this requires me to only date people that I think I can trust, but I'm ok with that limitation.

Thanks for your participation!

I ask for them, and I give them readily.

Trust or not trust, it doesn't matter. I have done it equally with everyone I am intimate with.

LovingRadiance 09-07-2013 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 227195)
I ask for them, and I give them readily.

Trust or not trust, it doesn't matter. I have done it equally with everyone I am intimate with.

This.

Marcus 09-07-2013 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violiner93 (Post 227157)
I believe that if I can't trust someone enough to be honest with me about their results that I shouldn't be involved with them.

I agree with this.

If someone asks me for the paper copy from an STI test I guess I would give it to them. I would find it strange, and it would help me understand a bit more about what kind of relationship we have - but I don't have any interest in standing in the way of someone's health.

Why the topic? Has someone asked you for your doctors note and you are considering what you want to tell them?

herstory 09-07-2013 10:46 PM

Papers Please
 
I ask for papers. I give mine.

Bluebird 09-07-2013 11:00 PM

Since I am new to poly, I wasn't sure what the etiquette was, or what was expected. When I had my tests done last week, I messaged my boyfriend M that I had my results back and asked if he wanted to see them. He told me no, but maybe his wife might want to see them. So I asked the doctor's office for a print out. When I saw M after that, he glanced at the papers but didn't take them with him, so I dunno. I figure I will keep them for a short while, but will end up shredding them soon. It's not like I couldn't ask for another copy later, if we break up a new potential wants to see them.

M is going to the doctor on Wednesday to get his results, and he asked me to go with him. I don't think I would have required a paper copy, but since I will be there with him, I definitely don't need one.

Marcus 09-07-2013 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluebird (Post 227234)
Since I am new to poly, I wasn't sure what the etiquette was, or what was expected.

Prepare to continue to be surprised. There is exactly zero consensus among poly folk on exactly everything... even as to what the definition of what "polyamory" even means :rolleyes:

Inyourendo 09-08-2013 12:04 AM

Ive never Been asked for papers and have never asked for them.

CattivaGattina 09-08-2013 12:33 AM

Even during my slutty phase (yay for bad decisions after traumatic things) I didn't ask for proof of STD status. I just kept myself tested on a very regular basis.

After I got out of that I hit a point where I decided I wouldn't have sex with someone unless I could trust them to be honest to me about their status and making sure I had tests done before and after (a couple of tests with 6 weeks between) having sex with a new partner.

Worked so far.


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