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-   -   new and unsure (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=544)

Catfish 07-29-2009 12:19 PM

new and unsure
Where to begin? My wife and I have recently had some serious discussions about starting a poly life style. We are both excited and unsure, but we're communicating openly and honestly.

It's very reassuring to know that there's a community out there like this one to explore the pitfalls as well as the advantages of opening our hearts and bodies to others.

I have many questions, but first I wanted to introduce myself. So, hello. I'm a 33 year old straight man living in the midwest. I come from a generally conservative background, but I've always been a liberal thinker and open to new ideas. My wife is gorgeous, smart, artistic and loving. I am a pretty lucky guy. Compersion seems natural to me, but I still have lingering fears of becoming jealous when the moment comes.

You are all beautiful and I hope to make some friends here.

Thanks for being who you are,

MonoVCPHG 07-29-2009 01:46 PM

Welcome to the forum Catfish!

Rarechild 07-29-2009 03:47 PM

My Darling,
Thanks for saying all that and for your bravery and love for me. You are a rare and beautiful phenomenon and I have begun to really revel in revealing myself to you, bare and hopeful, and watching as the stars align and we become fantastically free and full of love.

Nyx 07-29-2009 04:06 PM

Welcome! I am fairly new here as well, though my situation a little different. I am monogamous with a man who is poly. It has been rough, but I'm hopeful.

I just have a question: what made you and your wife decide to have an open relationship?

Catfish 07-29-2009 04:47 PM

Like all good relationships, ours has not been easy. We had some infidelity issues last year that really shook us up. She moved out and, unsure of whether we would stay together, we both started to prepare to live alone. During those months apart, we continued to talk daily and actually grew closer. We became more honest with ourselves and each other. I suppose having divorce on the table as an option made it pointless to try and protect the others feelings, so we really opened up our hearts without fear. And so we began to heal. That honesty lead us here.

We've both considered this lifestyle before. We've both read about it. (Read The Ethical Slut) I even had a conversation many years ago with a girlfriend about it, but neither of us were anywhere near mature enough to handle a healthy open relationship. And to be completely honest, I'm still unsure it's right for us, but I see the advantages and I'm open to explore them as long as we communicate well and both understand what's at stake. I think we do. Time will tell.

Less than a week ago, my wife came to me with this idea. She told me of someone she was interested in and I was immediately jealous, but really impressed that we were talking about it instead of breaking up because of it. I am keenly aware that people can love more than one person at a time, and I wouldn't dream of denying her an experience that would make her life richer. I guess the way I look at it is this... If one of us falls in love with someone else and wants to leave the marriage, it's going to happen whether we are in an open relationship or not. This is a gift of honesty and understanding we can give to each other. I believe it will make our relationship stronger. In fact, it already has.

I hope that answers your question. This is still very new to me (us) so I imagine our views will change as we delve deeper into the possibilities. There are still many hurdles to overcome before this is a real part of our lives. Hopefully, we'll we'll be better people for it.

Best of luck,

XYZ123 07-29-2009 04:48 PM


foxflame88 07-29-2009 06:44 PM

Welcome to the group!

Mark1npt 07-31-2009 05:16 PM

Welcome, I think you'll find lots of great support from many happy to help people here.

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