Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poly Relationships Corner (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   **Keeping it "Vanilla" (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=54073)

HappyCouple75 09-01-2013 01:44 PM

**Keeping it "Vanilla"
So while our Couple is working to reconnect.

They have asked that we keep it "vanilla" for now.
I support this ,cause I support them being happy and reconnecting.

It's been 3 days and still waiting for the Guild lines on "Keeping it Vanilla"
(They work opposite shifts and timing has been rough for them to be together long enough to really talk.
Prior to them acknowledging they needed to reconnect. We talked daily/texted/shared daily pictures and more.
And this period of time is been rough.

So my question would be?

How would you define "VANILLA"?

Emm 09-01-2013 02:11 PM


Originally Posted by HappyCouple75 (Post 225775)
How would you define "VANILLA"?

It doesn't matter how anyone here defines it. How do you and the other people involved define it?

HappyCouple75 09-01-2013 02:13 PM

Totally agree....

The reason I ask is they have not yet talked about what guild lines they want to set for the VANILLA period till they finish reconnecting.
I'm looking for suggestion so I know what would be a good thing and bad thing to know my limits in the time being

Emm 09-01-2013 02:41 PM

Well... what's your normal level of kink? Can you do without for a while? How long would be too long? It's up to you to define your limits.

Edit: Or do you/they mean mono rather than vanilla?

sdguitarguy 09-01-2013 04:56 PM

I don't think anyone can answer this for you. The definition of "vanilla" depends on you.

In my context - we use vanilla to be a comparison of "us" versus "them" where "them" are "non-whatever I'm doing" people. We would be considered vanilla by our BDSM friends.

bookbug 09-01-2013 05:14 PM

Maybe you could just text them and something to the effect that you are totally supportive of their reconnection process, but just so there are no inadvertent misunderstandings, could you define vanilla?

HappyCouple75 09-01-2013 06:12 PM

Good advice....
Just want i need to hear.
And yes we are working on defining VANILLA.

But waiting on them to really set the guild lines...

Inyourendo 09-02-2013 07:40 PM

I perceive vanilla as straight sex/oral.

Ariakas 09-02-2013 10:16 PM


Originally Posted by HappyCouple75 (Post 225775)

How would you define "VANILLA"?

No kink, no hitting, no beating, no flogging or tying up.

Regular intercourse in all its glory is acceptable.

I guess I just don't consider non-monogamy kinky anymore haha

GalaGirl 09-03-2013 03:03 AM

In your polyship, do they set the tone/terms and you comply? Or is this supposed to be a collaborative thing? I'm not sure how it works in your polyshipping. Could you please clarify that?

Because you don't really seem to need help defining "vanilla." You seem to need help/support enduring the waiting time.

You could spend the waiting time articulating and defining your OWN boundaries and what YOU consider "vanilla" and what your own wants, needs and limits are. For YOURSELF.

While you wait for each of them to define each of theirs so you can then assess if you can get your wants/needs met here or not and things line up or not.

Just a thought...


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:02 PM.