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-   -   Long Distance Relationship Advice (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=53745)

stillskies 08-28-2013 10:00 PM

Long Distance Relationship Advice
 
Hello!

So, M's and my third, R, lives in another state. It's about a 2 hour plane ride away, and tickets are kind of expensive. She just came out her this past weekend, and things between the three of us went very well. We'll be going out to see her in October, and she's planning on coming out in December for her birthday to spend it with us.

M and I had a ldr when we first started dating, so I know it can work. (We're now married, after all :D) I guess my question is whether or not anyone has any advice on how to maintain a ld poly relationship? The three of us Skype every night for a few hours, and M and R tend to talk on the phone during their drives home. The three of us e-mail back and forth and text and IM throughout the day, so it's not that we're not communicating.

I think I'm just worried about R on her own and how to reassure her that we're thinking of her and that we miss her? We've all decided that, if this works, then either R will move closer or M and I will move closer, with the eventual goal of moving in together in the far off future.

Advice?

nycindie 08-29-2013 03:22 AM

If you do a tag search for LDR and/or an advanced search for certain keywords like "distance" in the title only, you'll find lots of threads about poly and LDRs.

idealist 08-29-2013 03:32 AM

Welcome! You will get a lot of different opinions and ideas here. Personally, I would never start any type of relationship by skyping for hours every night. That is simply too much too soon for me. I like relationships to evolve on their own without having to do marathon communications every day. But- that's just me and you will have to make your own decisions. Good luck!

SchrodingersCat 08-29-2013 05:04 AM

What you're doing seems to be working.

Is there some reason to believe R doesn't know you're thinking of her and that you miss her? Has she expressed feeling neglected? Or are you just looking for solutions to problems that don't actually exist?

The fact that you're thinking about this means you're probably already doing plenty to reassure her. Assuming she hasn't expressed that her needs aren't being met, just keep doing what you're doing.

stillskies 08-30-2013 02:12 AM

Nycindie: Thanks for the tip! I'd done a brief search prior to making this post, but found that the advice kind of got lost amongst other topics. ♥ I'll try to look more thoroughly!

Idealist: Thanks! Any and all advice is greatly appreciated! And yeah, normally, I would agree, but the three of us did hours long Skype sessions before starting this up; it just sort of carried over from our friendship. So it seems a bit weird not to at this point? If that makes any sort of sense. ♥

SchrodingersCat: Thanks. ♥ I have a tendency to overthink things, so I'm definitely looking to answer a problem that doesn't exist. She's told us that, as far as she and her needs are concerned, we're doing just fine. I'm just overly paranoid, I think, because I've only ever heard horror stories about how relationships like this crash and burn.

SchrodingersCat 08-30-2013 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stillskies (Post 225321)
SchrodingersCat: Thanks. ♥ I have a tendency to overthink things, so I'm definitely looking to answer a problem that doesn't exist. She's told us that, as far as she and her needs are concerned, we're doing just fine. I'm just overly paranoid, I think, because I've only ever heard horror stories about how relationships like this crash and burn.

Fires can be extinguished as easily with too much wood as with too little.


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