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-   -   Approaching people when you're poly (and married) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=534)

darthsabbath 07-26-2009 11:33 PM

Approaching people when you're poly (and married)
So, hi, I just joined... and right off the bat I have a question that's been bothering me for some time.

I'm happily married to a beautiful woman, and have been that way for about 5 years. We've explored swinging with other girls and couples, and while it's great fun (loads... oodles... etc. etc.) , it's not what either of us are really looking for long term... we want "more"... whatever that "more" may be. Ideally a third or another couple as additions to our happy family, perhaps.

The big concern we have is where to start?

Just some background, we live in the deep south, are poly, my wife is bi, we're into BDSM, and I am an atheist. So in short, we're about one step below eating babies and worshipping the Debbil in the minds of our fellow Bible Belters.

Neither of us know how to begin to ask someone out and how/when to bring up the idea that A) We're married, and B) We're poly without alienating everyone we know.

Any advice, o'wise and wonderful Forumistas? :-)

NeonKaos 07-26-2009 11:38 PM

This isn't the answer you're looking for, but I'm curious as to why you live where you do. There must be something about that location that appeals to you or you could just move someplace where folks are more open-minded or don't care so much what other people's lifestyle-choices are.

darthsabbath 07-26-2009 11:41 PM

The answer comes down to, we were born here and don't have the resources to move at the moment. We are attending a university that is paying for my bachelor's and her master's. I have a job lined up in Washington, DC after graduation, and believe me, we're counting the days until we can get out of there.

NeonKaos 07-26-2009 11:48 PM

Well I hope you don't have too much longer to go. Hang in there!

Quath 07-27-2009 12:51 AM

I know where you are coming from. I am an atheist who was in a BDSM type relationship while living in Georgia. We talked about polyamory, but we never knew where to start. There are some polyamory groups that meet up. You can find some on social networking sites and hope one is in your area. There are some dating websites that may help. They are in some of the other threads on this board.

I recently talked to someone who went to my high school in Georgia. I found out that he and his wife are polyamory atheists, but they are deep in the closet. So I imagine that there may be many people around you that are hiding it as well. Sometimes, some leading conversations may show you who is in the closet.

Also, if you are into podcasts, you should check out Polyamory Weekly. The host is into polyamory and BDSM.

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