Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   Hello from Idaho (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=53183)

natureluvr2 08-23-2013 09:26 PM

Hello from Idaho
Hello. I am a happily married 36 year old to a wonderful man. We have been discussing polyamory alot over the last year and a half. I am open to it, and can see how it can be a rewarding and good way of life. I think sharing love with people is what we all are called to do... I am struggling a bit though with the way I have been brought up. One man, one woman, is the only way that has ever been accepted, but because I have begun having feelings toward other women as well as my husband, things are quite confusing. Has anyone ever struggled with these things? I am quite frankly scared of the emotions and thoughts that I am having concerning the love and desire I feel for other people. I dont want it to deter from how I feel about my husband. He is my soulmate, my lover, my best friend. He is encouraging me in my quest for answers. I dont want to lose what I have with him. Is this just dumb?

alibabe_muse 08-23-2013 09:53 PM

Hi back from North Idaho
Hello there! I'm from Idaho too and new here as well. I've had feelings for others throughout my 17 years of marriage and it took my husband to recognize this in me. Once that happened I then pointed out he had done this himself last winter with his girlfriend (but she wasn't for him staying with me). So viola, we both realize we'd been ignoring who we are for many, many years. I am bi as well. I have not had a relationship with another women but if I ever do, my husband's love for me won't stop and neither will mine for him. And no, this is not just dumb. It's who you are and what your concerns are. Enjoy the forum, post questions, search for key terms and you'll find your answers.

I'm hoping you're close by. It'd be nice to have a friend in the area with similar interests. ;)

kdt26417 08-23-2013 11:43 PM

Hello natureluvr2,
Welcome to our forum.

I think it's very common for people to struggle with the way they were brought up. Society as a whole certainly doesn't support polyamory (heck, as a nation we're still struggling with same-sex marriage issues). You have to figure that when you start to have some polyamorous feelings, it's going to come with some anxiety.

I believe it's something of a fallacy to worry that if you start loving one person more, you will have to start loving another person less. Love isn't like a pie that runs out, it's more like sunshine, there's plenty for everyone. If you should get involved with another woman sometime, for example, there's no reason why you can't keep loving your husband just as much. You just love different people in different ways.

Of course, you do have to be cautious about NRE (New Relationship Energy). Sometimes the new person seems so exciting that you can accidentally neglect your relationship with the pre-existing person. So if you do get involved in a new relationship, do be extra careful to give your husband plenty of attention and reassurance.

Hope you find Polyamory.com to be helpful as I have.
Kevin T.

natureluvr2 08-26-2013 08:53 PM

thanks for the greetings
Thank you for the greetings and the thoughts. I really do appreciate them. I will continue to navigate around the forum and see what there is to learn. :)

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