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-   -   Walking on thin ice, yearning for a swim (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=53175)

Wyrdkiss 08-23-2013 05:28 PM

Walking on thin ice, yearning for a swim
Greetings everyone,

Let's start with a summary, so your eyes don't turn inside out:

my female partner and I (male) are late 30's / early 40's, straight but heteroflexible

have been together about 5 years

Opened up our relationship 3 years ago

experienced the usual fun and dire pit-falls: threesomes gone awry, a bit of solitary play and grooming, she dated a woman, etc but nothing too heavy just yet -- and lots of difficulty, as this is something I need because of who I am, and she goes along with because she wants to be with me, and possibly grow beyond the limitation of her upbringing and fears.

Saying it has been at times difficult wins laughable understatement of the year

the thought of sincere emotional intimacy / love with another is very threatenign to her.

I would say at this time she is a bit more curious and positive thinking toward true polyamory, however.

We are "out" fairly strongly as open and progressive.

we are doing better now than anytime prior, but I'd call her a bit fragile.

So why am I here, as you my be dubbing me "Mr. Typical open relationship guy."
Well: because I have feelings for someone else, they are mutual, and I don't want to treat her like an experiment, a perk or a play toy. I desire a genuine experience with her, whatever that may entail and however it may manifest.

You could say I'm "poly-yearning" at this point; the thought of having both in my intimate life borders on blissful.

... and we're all going to need your help.

oh, to add another iron to the fire, she's an ex girlfriend.
My partner is aware we spend time together, including date type sitautions thus far. Nothing is hidden, at this point, except the depth of my desire.
That will be remedied in time.

Well, hopefully this will warrant a few replies. My actual next connundrum and challenge this weekend I will post in a separate thread. The response there will be fascinating.

Thank you,


kdt26417 08-23-2013 11:01 PM

Hello Wyrdkiss,
Welcome to our forum.

I see what you mean by thin ice; it sounds like your partner is hesitant about each little step forward. I am guessing you will have to take things slowly, even though you may be yearning to put the gas pedal on this new relationship (with your ex-girlfriend). In poly, we usually try to go at the pace of the slowest person (as long as it's not a complete standstill).

If you put a link in this thread leading to your next thread, I'll follow it and try to help out.

Glad to have you aboard.
Kevin T.

Wyrdkiss 08-24-2013 03:10 PM

Thank you KDT.

Here's a link for everyone to the main current issue.


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