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-   -   BBC: How does a polyamorous relationship between four people work? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=52828)

northhome 08-19-2013 08:46 PM

BBC: How does a polyamorous relationship between four people work?
 
Monogamy and the Rules of Love will be broadcast on BBC Radio 4 on Monday 19 August at 20:00 BST

Article: How does a polyamorous relationship between four people work?

Natja 08-20-2013 09:05 AM

Good article, at least that makes up a bit for that hatchet job that they wrote the last time.

northhome 08-20-2013 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natja (Post 223208)
Good article, at least that makes up a bit for that hatchet job that they wrote the last time.

Indeed.

"And every time you out yourself, you risk losing a friend," adds Charlie. "I'm preparing for 30 years of being made fun of."

He's a realist - nice.

london 08-20-2013 09:17 AM

I didn't like the implication that vetos and the like are what makes this poly thing work.

northhome 08-20-2013 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by london (Post 223210)
I didn't like the implication that vetos and the like are what makes this poly thing work.

I didn't read it that way. The quad indicated that a veto agreement was THEIR setup, but I didn't see it generalised to all poly relationships.

The counsellor was quoted as saying:

"You can live in a monogamous institution and you can negotiate monotony, or you can live in a non-monogamous choice and negotiate jealousy. Pick your evil.

"If you are opening it up you have to contend with the fact that you're not the only one, and if you are not opening it up then you have to contend with the fact that your partner is the only one."

which I feel was a reasonable thing to say as a general poly observation. That didn't imply a veto I think.

london 08-20-2013 09:46 AM

The way I see it is this: the title says "How does a polyamorous relationship between four people work?". Okay, so this article is going to tell us how a poly relationship works, right? They then go on to say:
Quote:

If any of the four want to get involved with someone else, they have to run it by the others - all of whom have a veto.
It just seems as if it is this veto that protects the people involved. I'd have preferred if they explained that a veto is something they do, they need, as with the permission to date other people rule they have is. It isn't something that people need to have successful poly relationships. I just think to the layman, it would appear that it is the veto that keeps this running smoothly.

northhome 08-20-2013 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by london (Post 223212)
I just think to the layman, it would appear that it is the veto that keeps this running smoothly.

Fair point. They could have mentioned that there were other options.

Still, considering the mess that the BBC have made of the subject before I feel the article was better than most!

I mean - watch out all you poor hapless polyamorous women out there :)

----------------------------------

But Dr Brooks still has concerns.

"The problem remains that both polygamy and polyamory are more likely, in practice, to privilege men over women in structurally unequal relationships," he said.

"Those of us concerned about the reproduction of inequalities will have some difficulty supporting either polygamy or polyamory."

Natja 08-20-2013 10:03 AM

I am still angry about that Philpott article, especially the dismissive response I received from the Beeb when I complained.

northhome 08-20-2013 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natja (Post 223214)
the dismissive response I received from the Beeb when I complained.

Care to share it?

Natja 08-20-2013 10:28 AM

Of course...

Quote:

Many thanks for your email. I have now looked again at the story.

I believe our article is fair and balanced. We present a range of views, many of them positive, and attribute them clearly to their owners which include someone with first-hand experience of polyamory and a respected academic who has carried out detailed research on the issue.

By the strict definition, polyamory can simply be described as having more than one (sexual) relationship at a time. The value judgments that sit on top of this are something which are developed by the individuals and groups who define themselves this way. For this reason I think that whether or not the Philpotts specifically 'identified' themselves this way is not relevant to our exploration of the issue.

Best wishes, and thanks for your feedback which is much appreciated,.

Laura Ellis, BBC News website


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