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-   -   Introvert/Extrovert Casual Survey (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5279)

monolicious 01-15-2011 09:54 PM

Introvert/Extrovert Casual Survey
 
So I am mono, and a fairly strong introvert, which brings its own challenges (and advantages) into a mono/poly dynamic.

I was just wondering how many people here identify as introverts, how many as extroverts, and what your partner is (intro or extro), and what their OSO's are?

To be clear, I define introvert as a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

Because of this, introverts tend to be very selective in choosing their relationships, and may have only a few intimate friends.

In contrast, an extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people, and is drained by being alone.

Extroverts tend to "fade" when alone and can easily become bored without other people around. When given the chance, an extrovert will talk with someone else rather than sit alone and think. Extroverts often think best when they are talking. Concepts just don't seem real to them unless they can talk about them; reflecting on them isn't enough.

So, I am a mono/introvert, my husband is a poly/extrovert, and his OSO (until recently) was a mono/extrovert.

What about you?

dragonflysky 01-16-2011 09:09 AM

I'm no longer in a poly relationship, but the one I was in:

She: Poly, extrovert, He: Poly, introvert, Me: ??, introvert

It was interesting though because on the surface she appeared to be the introvert as she was much quieter in social gatherings, and he much more socially outgoing/talkative. But social gatherings charged her up, and drained him.

TL4everu2 01-16-2011 01:45 PM

Me: Poly, and a little of both.....Wife: learning poly, and extrovert......GF: poly, definate introvert.

Ariakas 01-16-2011 03:44 PM

I am an extrovert. Wife is a mix...

GroundedSpirit 01-16-2011 04:01 PM

Hey Mono,

By the definitions you offered I guess I'd fall to the introvert side. My mate would definitely fall to the extrovert side.

The problem I have with large groups is not with a 'comfort' level but with an inability to concentrate with a big volume of background noise/activity. And maybe that's where the 'draining' component comes in - trying to absorb all the stuff from multiple directions.
I'm the type that attempts to be fully present in a conversation, trying to get the full range of expressed communication. Tone, body language, hidden (or fuzzy) meanings etc. Too many distractions make this difficult. Add to that, if I pick up something interesting going on in another conversation that peaks my interest, I want 'in' on that (focus). Now I'm caught between being rude (not present in the 1st conversation) and pulled away from what may be a more interesting or relative conversation. So my poor brain starts oscillating -bing/bong, bing/bong. Net result - I end up losing much/most from BOTH ! I've always questioned that humans can TRULY multi-task with anything that requires or deserves real focus. Not convinced it's possible.

Now of course I'm not sure how much this applies or matters when you're only talking about frivolous conversation/interaction. Meaningless small talk. In that setting it doesn't matter. But I'm not big on that kind of environment anyway - seems mostly a waste of time to me. Comfortable ? Sure. Preferable ? No.

Her - she's fine with that. Passes time, provides entertainment value etc.

Each to their own - right ?

GS

TruckerPete 01-16-2011 10:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit (Post 61009)

The problem I have with large groups is not with a 'comfort' level but with an inability to concentrate with a big volume of background noise/activity. And maybe that's where the 'draining' component comes in - trying to absorb all the stuff from multiple directions.
I'm the type that attempts to be fully present in a conversation, trying to get the full range of expressed communication. Tone, body language, hidden (or fuzzy) meanings etc. Too many distractions make this difficult. Add to that, if I pick up something interesting going on in another conversation that peaks my interest, I want 'in' on that (focus). Now I'm caught between being rude (not present in the 1st conversation) and pulled away from what may be a more interesting or relative conversation. So my poor brain starts oscillating -bing/bong, bing/bong. Net result - I end up losing much/most from BOTH ! I've always questioned that humans can TRULY multi-task with anything that requires or deserves real focus. Not convinced it's possible.

This is me to a T! After an especially hard day at work, it's not uncommon for me to ask Indigo to wait before telling me about his day. I want to focus on what he says, but simply can't and so I need him to wait so he gets the attention he deserves.

I'm often mistaken for an extrovert because I am lively with the right group of friends. However it's extremely draining for me and I definitely need my recharge time.

LovingRadiance 01-16-2011 11:28 PM

I'm an E.

Maca is an I.

GG is an E.

SchrodingersCat 01-17-2011 12:28 AM

I'm an introvert, big time. I can be alone for days and not be the least bit bothered by it. When I'm surrounded by lots of people, I sometimes get anxious and have to take a deep breathe to calm myself down.

There was a relevant thread on here about the Myers Briggs personality types and polyamory. You might want to check that out, a lot of these things came up there.
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=689

redpepper 01-17-2011 08:10 AM

thanks for pointing out the Myers Briggs thread SC.

I am one point into E with the MB test. Both of my men are Introverts. Hm, Derby I don't know. I think she might be an Introvert too. Leo is an Introvert also. As is my ex wife.

I tend to be attracted to Introverts. I like that they remind me of the side of myself. Besides, when I come home from being energized by being social there is a whole host of home bodies to come home to :D more energizing when I get home.

I cannot be alone for long. I shrivel up and die inside. I am working on that, but I have some big time abandonment issues around it and really just get very scared when I am left alone too long.:o

On the other hand I am not good with a big crowd all clammering to talk, like at a big party. I like to go and just watch people. I try to talk to others but become overwhelmed and shut down. I think people think I am snobby or judgmental when I do that, but I don't really know... they tend to walk away and avoid me so that is why I have that idea... some try and invite me into a conversation but I usually end up leaving thinking I have failed in some disastrous way.

The only time I leave a social situation feeling like I have not failed is when I meet with people one on one or in a small group actually... hmmm...

thanks for this... it has given me some insight on myself that I had not processed before.. I appreciate that.:)

Jodi 01-17-2011 02:01 PM

i havent' thought about this before.

my closest friends are more introverted.

my boyfriends wife is totally extroverted, he is introverted i feel, and i am in the middle....as usual! lol.

do you think that you and your SO balance eachother well?


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