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-   -   New & Scared (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5275)

FreedomToBe 01-15-2011 09:03 PM

New & Scared
Hi, everyone!
I'm a 41-year-old woman who is feeling like I'm missing something/someone in my life. I have a significant other. We've been together for 10 years and I love him dearly.

He cannot give me everything I need and want. I don't even think I know what I want. I sometimes feel like I'm suffocating - like I want to be set free. From what, I don't really know.

I would very much like to explore other people, other relationships, but my significant other would be heart broken if he knew I was posting this.

Would anyone agree that I've got to make the decision to...
1) accept my life as it is and get over my feelings that there is more out there, or
2) end my relationship with my significant other and start over, or
3) tell him about my feelings, which may result in the end of us?


MonoVCPHG 01-15-2011 11:17 PM

If you are unhealthy..number three looks like your only option. Number two may or may not follow but your health comes first.

Good luck

SchrodingersCat 01-17-2011 12:40 AM

Polyamory is like a big amplifier for your relationships. If your relationship is strong and happy, polyamory can bring out more of the strength and happiness. If your relationship is strained and unfulfilling, polyamory can drive the wedge in deeper.

I'm not sure what's suffocating you, but if you try to explore polyamory while you still feel that way, you may find the bag over your head gets a little bit tighter.

The earmark of a strong relationship is the ability to communicate with your partner. If you don't have good communication with your partner, then 10 years is enough time to have built a solid enough foundation from which you can start learning to communicate. I suggest talking to your partner about how you feel. Perhaps a counsellor can help you learn to communicate together.

Get to the bottom of what's missing in your relationship. I have never seen a relationship where the thing missing was another person, so don't think that exploring polyamory will solve anything. If there's something missing in your relationship, then it must be found within your relationship, not with someone else.

FreedomToBe 01-17-2011 01:18 AM

good advice
This is good advice and I know you're right. I know I have to make some sort of move to open up the communication so that he knows how I feel.
Thanks for your advice!

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