Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Life stories and blogs (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=5)
-   -   Triad with a side of irony please! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=52744)

nerdlove060309 08-18-2013 06:07 PM

Triad with a side of irony please!
Ever see the L word where Alice creates this huge map linking women who have slept with other women. Well even though our story is on a VERY small scale, I just didn't expect to see this in my polyamory story.

Husband and I recently entered a triad with lovely lady E. Prior to her we were really only serious with one other girl but that girl never seemed into me as much as my husband so it didn't work out. After we split she started dating a guy and together they started dating E. Of course it didn't work out because the ex girlfriend was going through a "poly phase". But regardless, there is one commonality between us and E.

Well I had dated this couple for a very short time because I wasn't really into them in person as much as I was on paper. So that didn't work out, but guess who they dated after me? Yup, lovely lady E.

So out of our handful of triads, we share 2. It just feels like the odds are so small for that, especially when we shared the same straight ex girlfriend. Plus we met off OkCupid and the site is filled with couples in Arizona looking for their Unicorn.

But on a wonderfully positive note, this is the first girl that we have shared such a strong connection to. I don't feel any jealously or anxiety. I have no fear that she will "try to steal my man" although that has become an inside joke with us due to the ex girlfriend we have in common. She is staying the weekend with us so we are playing house, lol. Right now I am sitting on the floor typing this while they are sleeping and cuddling and I can't stop grinning from excitement of how well this is going. They look so cute! It's still so new but it feels wonderful and I'm going to enjoy every moment of it. :D

FullofLove1052 08-19-2013 03:21 PM

I look forward to following your journey, and I wish you all well on this very unique thing called poly. Hope you are all doing well.


nerdlove060309 08-22-2013 07:23 AM

Yay! Thanks Fulloflove for following our story! I suppose since I am going to share our journey I should go back 4 years so my relationship can be fully understood.

When J and I first met I was in no place to seriously date and I thought marriage was stupid. At the time I was just having fun not committing to anything. I was spontaneous and would rather be out partying than settling down...partly because the type of relationship I wanted didn't seem like reality. Anyway, I met him April 9, 2009, a Thursday. He would stop by one of my jobs each day just to say hi to me. One of those days we went for lunch and he paid - which was totally weird to me cuz I have always been independent and never had someone pay for things. We had a real date that Sunday and he wanted me to be with him officially, so I said yes - why not right? Well he stayed the night the next day and basically never left after that. We got married June 3rd, 2009. Yes we moved fast but it felt perfect and its been four wonderful years. Of course we had some rocky patches..especially since we have chosen this lifestyle..its definitely not the easiest thing ever, but few things come easy, but loving J is just easy.

Now to fast forward to this new relationship. After reading a few threads I have feared the NRE that is constantly talked about. How does someone differentiate between true feelings of love developing and this NRE which could fade away as fast as it came? Regardless, I am a hopeless romantic and feel this relationship is unlike any of the other triads.

Every relationship moves at its own speed. I read in a different thread that the relationship is only as strong as its weakest partner - in an emotional aspect. With a developed couple its intimidating for the new girlfriend to feel equal. Not that I need to tell anyone here that. No one wants to feel like the third, fourth, fifth, ect., wheel in any relationship. And for us, dating has been cut short because J and I do share such a strong bond.

With that being said...our speed is fast. It was fast when he and I got together and its typically fast when we enter a triad, depending on the person. We talk about what we want and see in the future so that everyone can be on the same page. I'm fully open about everything. For me, its too difficult to invest time and feelings to only come to an end because everyone sees a different future.

Lovely lady E lives an hour away from us and has been staying with us almost every night. So since she doesn't have a vehicle, it has been costly in terms of gas and mileage to pick her up one night and take her to work the next night. J and I share a car so that is also a difficulty. So we mentioned the idea of her just moving in. We talked thru the pros and cons over the course of a few days and she has decided to move in. Yes, its fast, but this is our pace. Its what feels comfortable for us. And her being around us feels comfortable.

We have all been in triads and understand that this is what we want. All of us are "fixers" and do everything and anything to make a relationship work out. As many have heard, marriage is always a work in progress. You can't just quit trying after the vows have been said. Any HEALTHY relationship has a chance as long as everyone involved wants it to work and is willing to compromise and talk thru issues and follow thru with whatever actions were agreed upon.

Tonight we had our first "family meeting" as I call them. A lot has been going on in each one of our lives and it seemed like everyone needed to talk things thru, especially since this is so new. We have already laid our lives out on the table but its good to share things that are stressful and such. J has been sick and has been stressed about his jobs. E has anxiety and has been dealing with her mom not accepting her new happiness. And I had both of them tell me about whats been bothering them so I felt as a family we should work thru these things. It went so well and everyone let the stress go. J is making dinner and E and I are writing about our relationship. She has a tumblr that she has started and I feel comfortable enough to share our story here. :)

nerdlove060309 08-23-2013 03:20 PM

Well everyone is sick here. E got the worst of it. I feel so bad. I only have a sore throat, J has one of his wisdom teeth coming in and a sore throat and he had a fever the first day, and E has all the symptoms of a cold mixed with the flu. :(

E is wanting to quit her two jobs, they are an hour away from us and she is going to be looking for a job out here. She is stressed because she doesn't want to be a "financial burden" to us but at the same time wants to take a month off so she can focus on getting into the habit of school, plus with everything that is changing in her life, things are just too stressful. J and I both understand and are supportive. Her mom still isn't saying anything nice to her and now her best friend is mad at her because she feels that she is dropping her life for this relationship - its mainly because I took her to a movie that E has been wanting to see for 7 months and the friend was originally going to go with her. It was released into theaters on the anniversary of her Uncles death, which is usually a big deal for their family, but her mom cancelled plans with her since she is mad at her. The least we could do was bring her flowers and take her to her movie. But her friend isn't seeing this any other way. But its difficult because she seems to be losing two very important people in her life, not solely because of our relationship, its also bad timing. E sees it as she is getting older and the relationship is the next step in life. So I'm relieved that she shows no desire to drop us and go back to the way things were in her life.

We don't talk to J's mother, stepdad, or brother cuz they were horrible and rude to us about it 2 years ago when we first brought them into it and J said they don't deserve to be part of his life, especially since they have never supported anything he has done.

Anyone have suggestions for easing family member drama? :confused:

All times are GMT. The time now is 02:48 PM.