Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Articles (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=27)
-   -   poly article (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=52249)

gorgeouskitten 08-13-2013 08:59 PM

poly article
 
Please read and respond if you can :)

http://www.mommyish.com/2013/08/01/i...has-ever-been/

Draconem 08-14-2013 07:30 AM

I enjoyed your article,call it what you will,perhaps its even a confession..The only thing I Cant get my head around is "And then we plan to explain that love is not bound to two people, and we all may love and live as we choose."...Mainly because as the son of a solo mother it was confusing to me to see the different partners she had...Uncle one day,step father the next...Perhaps Im being biased also...I have multiple partners and love them all...So came to this site for understanding..Soon I may even see a light at the end of the tunnel Im in...Respects to you...

gorgeouskitten 08-14-2013 01:00 PM

thanks for your reply :) the kids is something we are treating very very delicately. I want to explain poly love to them more as an abstract, they will not be aware of the comings and goings of multiple significant others. right now, i only have one boyfriend and thye know him as a friend of the family.

Dirtclustit 08-14-2013 03:12 PM

You don't have to explain anything to them
 
and in fact you probably shouldn't explain poly "love" to them, children are very perceptive and they can tell who the people are that you care about. Kids actually are able to comprehend the loving part of poly much better than most adults (sometimes even better than poly adults) so love doesn't need much explaining. As for the sexual aspect of a polyamorous relationships, it is the same for any other relationship, and the day spouses set down with their kids and go into details great or small about the sex they have, or the whenever the time is right that single parents explain that they have sex with they bf/gf is when the timing is right to treat poly as needing an explanation

Unfortunately people who live "out" may need to educate their children about hatred and discrimination, as it was once dangerous for children of African descent to cross the railroad tracks into the "white" neighborhoods because hatred and confused angry evil people are often dangerous. Luckily now these days they just need to be aware of the mind games and subtle ways assholes often try to marginalize people who are different, or make them feel less than, as it can take a toll of those who are victims of subtlety when the person is not aware what is happening.

The best thing you can do is to live in a part of world where people understand why wrongful discrimination is not OK, and goes against every freedom and liberty that revolutions were fought for, which is actually a sad state of affairs

However many people seem to have suddenly "waken-up" and seeing the truth in their ways

Atlantis 08-16-2013 08:47 PM

Nicely written article.
I always enjoy reading the comments section. A good number of people are accepting if not supporting, quite encouraging.

gorgeouskitten 08-20-2013 12:44 PM

thank you atlantis :)

Draconem 08-20-2013 08:08 PM

You don't have to explain anything to them....

That is a ridiculous statement to make...When kids ask..You ignore them?
Fifteen year olds,younger even..See whats happening no matter how careful you are...You/I demand that kids boys/girls keep their pants/panties on until they reach a legal age...Yet they see parents with multiple partners...They get confused...So you do your best to explain to them that theres love binding you together...They talk to their friends and find that, that mind set isnt the norm...I know,I was one of those children..and now here I am,on the same whirlie bird...So here I am speaking to one of my partners children.."Yes Johny...I love your mom and so does Bill"...Does he understand??...Like hell he does...The only thing he sees is his mom being used like a carousel...

gorgeouskitten 08-20-2013 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Draconem (Post 223293)
You don't have to explain anything to them....

That is a ridiculous statement to make...When kids ask..You ignore them?
Fifteen year olds,younger even..See whats happening no matter how careful you are...You/I demand that kids boys/girls keep their pants/panties on until they reach a legal age...Yet they see parents with multiple partners...They get confused...So you do your best to explain to them that theres love binding you together...They talk to their friends and find that, that mind set isnt the norm...I know,I was one of those children..and now here I am,on the same whirlie bird...So here I am speaking to one of my partners children.."Yes Johny...I love your mom and so does Bill"...Does he understand??...Like hell he does...The only thing he sees is his mom being used like a carousel...

So what are you saying? i, you, your partner, shouldnt be poly because we have kids? right now, mine are little and they know we have a really close friend of the family, thats it. Will they find out someday that i have sex with him? well that physical aspects isnt really any of their business, they dont even need to know if i have sex or not with their father, or if he ties me up and tickels me with feathers. I had NO IDEA what my parents sex life was growing up, as far as I wanted to know they did it twice. birhted my sister, birthed me.

Also it is rather distatseful to call your partner a carousel...if either of my guys wrote that about me there would be some hell to pay

Delphinius 08-20-2013 11:30 PM

Hi GK,

I had run across your article & posted a comment even before I knew it was someone from the forum that penned it:)

It was nicely done especially in light of the one posted a few weeks before yours and I'm grateful you got it out there even if you're being raked over the coals in some of the comments; people need it in their faces so exposure can lead to discussion, hopefully eventually to understanding if not acceptance.

As one in a similar situation to you; keep doing what you feel best for your children. My kids, & the (his & her) metamour's kids are all teens so we've had actual convo's about the new lifestyle. Our family's always been open & honest; when dad got laid off and money was tight, we told them. When my brother & his wife were going through tough times; we told them.... when I fell in love with someone else (after DH & I worked things through) we told them.

We've promised not to act in any way that would 'embarrass' them at their school & activity events (hubs, meta's & I all attend various matches, performances) and that they can tell or not their friends what they like. Many of their friends hang around the house a bunch where they're likely to hear us talking about our overnights &/or scheduling w/ SOs or see us be (PDA approved) affectionate with our SOs on their sleepover (sex over) nights so we suggested, if asked, they may just want to say; "My parents have an open marriage". At the matches & performances the other parents just assume we've brought friends, neighbors, "family" (can you say 'uncle';)) along so they never even suspect anything 'untoward', lol.

I've lost some best friends of 10 years over this 'lifestyle'. And two of my brothers are still pissed at me over all this. So often the cry is over the 'children'; we're corrupting or neglecting or damaging our children! Pul-Leez!! The kids are great! They want to have stability, a foundation; know they're loved. They really don't care what package it shows up in.
My husband & I are super proud that we're demonstrating another option rather than the conventional: supposed to get divorced before you 'add' more people (ie 'step''s): it's because we still love each other, heaven forbid!

Kids tend to be much less judgmental & curious or much often: "whatever". Your young'uns will love having someone(s) else in their life that loves them, that they can count on and as long as you keep open to their questions as they come up; You're Golden!

Good Luck, hang in there, be strong and be proud you're showing your children another way to share love.

Dirtclustit 08-23-2013 09:15 AM

Hi Draconem
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Draconem (Post 223293)
You don't have to explain anything to them....

That is a ridiculous statement to make...When kids ask..You ignore them?
Fifteen year olds,younger even..See whats happening no matter how careful you are...You/I demand that kids boys/girls keep their pants/panties on until they reach a legal age...Yet they see parents with multiple partners...They get confused...So you do your best to explain to them that theres love binding you together...They talk to their friends and find that, that mind set isnt the norm...I know,I was one of those children..and now here I am,on the same whirlie bird...So here I am speaking to one of my partners children.."Yes Johny...I love your mom and so does Bill"...Does he understand??...Like hell he does...The only thing he sees is his mom being used like a carousel...


I didn't say when kids ask, to ignore them. What I said was to treat it like any other relationship, as in how many single parents set their kids down and explain to them that they have sex with their boyfriend?

Poly relationships do not confuse or stress children any differently then a mono relationship. If the relationship is unhealthy and abusive, then yes it will affect the child, but it is the abuse that does it, not the mono/poly aspect of the relationship

As to your claim of your childhood, I can't say what happened, but I do know that similar claims are made all the time by those who vehemently oppose polyamory and campaign for others to wrongfully discriminate against innocent poly families.

As far as the child asking questions about loving, healthy relationships, I guarantee you some bigoted anti-poly adult "innocently" questioning a young child about their parents is what leads to confusion. It's the bigot who is abusing the child, NOT the poly parents

Refusing to recognize the Truth in the matter only paves the way for a society to welcome unrecognized hatred, which is the most despicable kind

If someone strongly opposes polyamory, abusing children is not a legitimate way to campaign against it.


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:14 PM.