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-   -   New & introducing myself (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51672)

alibabe_muse 08-06-2013 11:09 PM

New & introducing myself
Hello. I have recently realized I am polyamorous through discussions my husband (of 18 years) & I have been having in the last year.

I'm 41 & we have three children (15, 7 & 2). I signed up to learn more about polyamory, to ask questions about many aspects of it (like explaining it to the kids/coming out) & to make friends.

I live in North Idaho & have joined a local poly-club but I am not always able to attend meetings & there is no real forum.

Hubby & I are not searching as we both feel when we meet another (for either of us) it'll happen when it's suppose to.

Thanks for reading about me.

alibabe_muse 08-06-2013 11:47 PM

A little more about me. I forget details:

We became swingers 13 years ago
Opened our marriage a year ago
Polyamory in-depth decision a month ago

Currently we have a lover that hubby shares me with. Remember that feeling when we were young & first laid eyes on a potential sweety? Love at first sight, that is what i felt for L (lover). Is it reciprocated? Not exactly. L feels something but he is not of the polyamorous mind frame so hubby & i decided to enjoy the now. When the fun ends it'll be as friends.

My feelings for L really opened my eyes to realizing I have the ability to passionately love more than one person at the exact same time. We don't consider that we have a poly relationship with L, but L has been the doorway for us.

kdt26417 08-07-2013 10:14 PM

Hi alinpaul,
Welcome to our forum.

It sounds like you're taking life as it comes, and enjoying your time with L while it lasts. I hope you'll like our site and get much benefit from our various threads. There's so much to learn about poly.

I assume you'll want to discuss poly with your kids eventually. I think the way to describe it depends on the age of the child being addressed, but "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are probably okay terms to use, and the most important thing is to let the child know their household (and place in it) is secure. You have to be prepared to answer any questions the kids may have, of course.

Let us know of any questions or concerns you may have, as you can get quite a bit of information and feedback here.

Glad to have you aboard.
Kevin T.

alibabe_muse 08-08-2013 07:59 PM

Thank you KD!

The hardest challenge will be the oldest but I could be wrong & it might be our soon to be 8 year old son.

In the past we have let friends live in our garage or stay on the couch for a few days so they are familiar to having long-term company. If we do co-habitate I am sure with all that I'm learning & still have to learn, we'll do it in a manner that fits each child's personality. The youngest is 2, so she's not my biggest concern. I know the 15 year old will be upset we didn't tell her now (she says she hates being the last to find out things) so hubby & I need to agree to let her be aware that we are polyamorous & let her have time to do her own thinking about it. I just realized now, when it's the last month of summer, might be a good time for her. She's so much like me that I'd hate to present the concept to her at the start of her sophmore year of high school & it would allow herbto do any research or ask questions.

As far as L, he confuses me on his feeling but I realize he is just as confused. In the lingbrun, we all want to stay friends, which is my goal.

kdt26417 08-14-2013 09:41 PM

Telling the 15-year-old while school is still out is probably a wise idea.

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