||08-05-2013 07:41 PM
In Loving Memory: Our Poly Friends
Events like this don't happen often, so I don't have a good place on the board to post this.
As some may already be aware, the poly community is a lesser place today, for the unexpected passing of a lovely and vibrant person from the NW.
I didn't know her nearly as well as I would have liked. She was one of those people who could make an immediate and lasting impression, an educator in the poly community, who even in our brief interactions set an excellent example of ethical behavior in poly, and demonstrated a remarkable resilience to opposition and the ways of being awesome! I was very much looking forward to seeing her again soon, but it seems it will have to wait a bit longer.
The following is a blog post by one of her family, reposted here with permission. Contact details have been removed, and no link will be provided at this time. The family has asked not to be contacted directly at the moment; a wish that I will encourage everyone to respect.
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Timelords
I met the Dame a few years ago - it feels like ages now - through a mutual friend. We became close quickly, and I gave her my whole heart when she needed love while going through a string of family dramas. During one of those incidents, one which would have debilitated a lesser person, some terrible awful no good things were said about her by someone I will not name because it's not fair; in such a way that she felt orphaned. "This is bullshit," I told her, "I'm adopting you."
It started out as a silly joke on Facebook (silly because she was 8 years older than me), but it grew into a strong, unbreakable relationship. So strong that I helped give her away at her wedding (in addition to being her witness when they did the legal bit), and she called me Mama. Her kids call me Mama. I became Mama, she was my beloved daughter and even though it made NO SENSE, everyone close to her accepted that. Then at some point someone gasped "OH MY GOD MAMA S[..] IS A TIMELORD!" and that's how that whole Timelord thing happened. It got sillier as time went on, but in doing so we were solidified as mother and daughter.
Today, my hearts are both broken. Crushed by the horrible facts of mortality. She didn't make it back to a TARDIS in time to regenerate.
By 4 o'clock this afternoon, her hospital room was filled with her family. People she loved and loved and loved, never really knowing the degree to which we loved her back. Several of us remained in the room well past the point where it was clear that she was not in that body any more (it had even begun to smell), but we couldn't leave. We couldn't believe it. How could someone who gave the world so much, who devoted every waking moment to loving others and doing the right thing; how could that person be taken from us? If it becomes real, what are any of us going to do?
Her husband said it well: she was the embodiment of the fact that love multiplies. There wasn't a person there with us today for whom she wouldn't have given her life, and maybe she did. No, she LIVED so that all of us could be loved that hard. She lived so that we would all be together. I have grandchildren because she lived, because we were weird enough to be family. I'm never letting go of that, no matter what. And that goes for the rest of her weird-enough-to-be-family crew, too. I won't ever let go of you, because you tie me to my daughter, and I'm never going to have another daughter so we all just have to deal with each other.
She was the most loving, the most valuable, the most optimistic; strongest, most resilient and open. Nobody did ALL THE THINGS like she did. She was a win for humanity. I love her so much. Many people loved her as much or more, and even though her body is no longer occupied, and that same laugh will not echo again, NO ONE can take that away from us. Maybe we feel broken now, but as long as we keep loving this amazing woman, we remain whole.
All that being said, mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Timelords.
Too all our mutual friends in the NW, and everywhere else in the poly world that are touched by this event, my deepest sympathies and condolences go out to you. She will be missed.