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RumRumi 07-18-2013 05:46 PM

Greetings all.

The last few months have been a little surreal. I have recently come to understand the feelings I have been having toward someone I use to work with.

I spent the better part of a year acting like a neurotic wreck because of this relationship. And then I came to a conclusion that had alluded me, that I was in love with another person.

It wasn't until I had read a FAQ on this site or another, that I began to entertain the idea that what I was feeling, wasn't wrong.

I have recently come to realize that I have carried and shame around for years as a result of being in love with others while I was married. Letting go of these negative beliefs about myself has been an extraordinary challenge. My wife has been extraordinarily understanding and is accepting of me having an emotionally polyamorous relationship. Meanwhile, the other person I am in love with is working on wrapping her head around it as well.

I really don't know how my life is going to work out, and I don't know what the future holds. On many days I am still struggling to let go of the shame I feel for having two loves. I recognize the moral relativity in it all, and how the sociocultural beliefs shape my shame. It's an active process. I know that when I am accepting of myself and my multiple loves, I feel less encumbered. But there are times when it is so difficult to do. My spouse has been very accepting, but she's not exactly jubilant about the whole things, which sometimes makes it hard to process with her.

That's all I've got. Thanks to all the posts that have already helped me move further toward acceptance.

Rum Rumi

kdt26417 07-18-2013 10:23 PM

Hi RumRumi,
Welcome to our forum.

In our monogamy-conditioned world, it's not easy for someone to realize that their spouse has another love interest. So you are lucky to have a spouse who is so supportive.

If you continue to read (and post) on our website, it will help ease the feelings that this is some kind of alien thing. I hope we are able to help in some small way.

Kevin T.

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