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-   -   new to poly, lets see were it takes me (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=50110)

kazmcouple 07-16-2013 12:37 AM

new to poly, lets see were it takes me
 
so this will likley be one of many blogs, yes my grammer sucks, yes I make up words as I go along so spell check is moot in my case. How bout I start by telling you that no I've not been in a poly relationship yet but as of recent my fiance and I of 7 years and three kids later have decided yes, yes we do want to try this. For us we arnt looking for multiple partner we are looking to bring another woman into our relationship. A closed triad I believe you would call it correct me if I am wrong. Now we have found a girl whos interested, who knew it would happwn so fast? So far we've just been texting and getting to know one another all three of us.
But with the mess that is currently our life we are waiting to meet her because we are packing and moving at the end of the month, were in therapy lol ill go into that another time.

I have so many questions about the lifestyle like how will we work past jelousy is this something we work on together or individually? How if this goes serious do we explain it to our children and who will this person become to our children? What are great ways to make sure we will all feel equal like everyones needs are met? And if there's anyone here who has been in a long term closed triad could you tell me what are the things that have made a successful relationship for you?

kazmcouple 07-16-2013 01:21 AM

some things I already find myself facing in this short time is uncertainty I know that this is something I want whole heartidly but I find myself already asking myself ridiculous questions like Is she talking to him more then me? I know in my head its irrelevant if she is as she will talk to each of us as she sees fit, its also that fear of is he going to like her more then he likes me? I'm sure these are probably common self questions when opening into this sort of relationship I just don't understand why I'm feeling them when this is what I want. I also already worry about how I'm going to feel the first time I know he's alone with her and I also worry about how he will feel.

kazmcouple 07-16-2013 02:32 PM

so last night we dabbled into some very flirty text messages and honestly I'm surprised and happy to say that I didn't feel jelous about it I found it very attractive to see my partner who I'm going to call m explore that side of him again because after seven years were not much on the flirting side of things. I sent some myself aswell some dirty flirts and to say I was worried about coming on strong is an understatement but she who I will call c was very receptive to the flirting. My partner and I are being firm with open communication so that the other doesn't take things faster then we are ready to and it seems to be going very well. I find myself being giddy and smiling alot and I see that side in m coming out aswell. Today I'm worrying about if she's going to like me as much as she is going to like m?

kazmcouple 07-16-2013 02:54 PM

n I wanted to get into this because maybe its something I can look back on down the road . Markem has a hard line of women only and yes I do think its hypocritical though I'm not interested in pursuing another man should this not go two ways? He says it would enrage him to know another man would be causing me pleasure in the way he wants exclusive to him. I am ok with it so I don't know why it bothers me at the same time. But how is it fair in the sence that he's allowed to be with another woman when I won't be around shouldnt that same courtesy extend to me? For me it doesn't really bother me much because I feel that this is a way for us to extend our love within our relationship and seperatly with another person. But we havent even bridged that part yet so there is always that possibility I guess that I'm not going to be ok with it when it comes to a face.
Some of the issues I'm currently dealing with and facing and growing from through all this already is I'm a short fuse and when I confront something I don't like I have a flight response and don't want to come back to the situation. I'm usually a yeller when I get angry or frustrated but its something I'm working on within myself and we are working on together. This week alone we have had two very constructive arguments were usually things would explode and I'd want to shove them under a rug and jump on them till there flat and I can't see them even though I can feel them. I think its a good start I know I have a long road from here in changing my habits and how I deal with situations that may not be ideal for me but I feel like even these two conversations are great accomplishments for me :)

kazmcouple 07-19-2013 05:55 PM

so I went for a what I think would be considered a date? It was weird and m wasn't able to be present as he was watching our children. She has been in the life of poly for a while so is familiar with it. Talk was easy and comfortable and nothing was off limits in our conversation. She was very down to earth and had a lot of the same interests but also had some things that we don't do that I thought would be very interesting to try. M was pacing the house whole time and even got some cleaning done lol.
While things are still interesting with c our first insterest I'm not sure she is really sure what this is what she is looking for beyond the sexual idea of it. But like m and I said there's no harm in seeing what could develope out of it because just because we don't share the same ideals doesn't mean it will be bad because we want to be flexible with our prespective "unicorns". Though I'm already finding hunting unicornia a bit taxing at time I feel like I will grow from the experiences this journey takes us on. M also has a fear that I'm going to love whomever enters our life more then him I understand his fears and have been reassuring him its not about loving someone else more its about multiplying the love I have and he has for other people. I may end up loving a quality more about one or the other but i believe its like my love for my children I don't love one or the other more I love different things about each of them. But I don't love one more because they do or don't do a certain thing that the other does. I understand that there will always been small jelousys on each of our parts with certain aspects but I believe as long as we voice our insecurities and are open with one another we can be reassuring and help put out the flames of doubt.


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