||07-13-2013 08:53 PM
How do I get it across to him that he really should tell me if this is the case without making him angry?
Could ask yourself why you are afraid he will get mad to be having a grown up conversation. Is he prone to acting out at you?
You wanting to know if he stills wants to date you or not is perfectly valid. Why date someone who doesn't want to date you any more? And you can't be a mind reader. So you have
to ask him if you want to know where his willingness lies. Coudl tell him if he's no longer into being a dating couple, that you prefer to be told straight up rather than have it drag on.
He can't mind reader YOUR preference -- so tell him how you prefer it.
I have attempted conversation about it all. The response I get is confusing.
What was the confusing response that he gave? Have you asked him straight up? I can't tell from your post if you did or if you are hemming and hawing around it yourself. Maybe something like...
[INDENT]"BF which of my needs are you willing to meet at this time? The needs are:
a) Need for connection. Because I feel distant from you and would like to reconnect. The last time we had a good heart to heart was ____ and that was _____ ago.
b) Need to spend face time with you. I have noticed the last time we had face time was _____ and I miss you.
c) Need for timely responsiveness. I have noticed you not responding. [LIST][*]I left a message on ____ and it is now ____. [*]I have also noticed when I asked you if you are no longer into me, you change it to be about me "overthinking" rather than just responding to the question straight up with "1) Yes, I am still into you. 2) No, I am not as into you or 3) I am not sure how into you I still am. Could you be willing to just say 1, 2, or 3 on that one to me?
d) Need for dignity and respect. Because I want to know where this relationship stands and if it is breaking up, be able to break up well."
Could that wording help? Just ask straight up. If the song and dance continues, ask...
"I have tried to communicate with you and get on the same page. You seem unwilling to communicate with me. You seem unwilling to meet my other needs. So I am going to take it that we are breaking up and you just don't want to be the one to say it. Is there anything you would like to say?"
And then move on. Nobody can have a relationship with an unwilling partner. If you are getting mixed messages where he SAYS one things but his ACTIONS are another thing? Believe the ACTIONS.
It sucks, but better short term suckage than drag it on and on and on and on and on
because he can't tell you straight up where his willingness is at. You are responsible for your own health and well being.
I am sorry you are going through this. :(