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-   -   Tell me about YOUR Poly life. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49683)

PolyPaulie 07-08-2013 01:30 AM

Tell me about YOUR Poly life.
 
I wanted to explain the great variety polyamorous relationships come in to a friend of mine. And then I thought, 'What better way than from the horses mouth?"

So,

What is "polyamory" to you? Tell me about your relationships. Do you have primaries/secondaries? Everyone equal? Open or closed? V? Many? Kids? What are the problems you personally face and how do YOU make it work? Why does polyamory work for you?

Share anything you think is relevant.

nycindie 07-08-2013 03:39 AM

There are plenty of poly stories already in the Life Stories and Blogs section. Sit back, relax, and read on!

Dagferi 07-08-2013 03:48 AM

What is "polyamory" to you?

Polyamory to me is having open honest relationships with more than one person.

Tell me about your relationships. Do you have primaries/secondaries? Everyone equal? Open or closed? V? Many?

I am in a v relationship with my husband of 12 years and my boy friend of 14 months. Jo I do not have primary or secondary relationships. My relationship with each man is a seperate but equal. My boyfriend is mono. My husband is exploring poly but has no regular partner. He has his first date outside our marriage Tuesday night. Things on my end are closed because I am content with my current partners. My husband can see as many people as he would like. I do not care.

Yes I have children with my husband. My tubes are tied after a rough pregnancy that almost killed me plus at nearly 40 I have no urge to potty train again. Plus while my boyfriend loves my sons he has no urge for any of his own.

What problems do I face?

Nothing to serious just sometimes getting solo time without my kids with my boyfriend due to my husband's schedule. That and we are in the closet to my boyfriends friends and family. But my guys have separate social circles and my boyfriend lives 25 miles away so it doesn't effect anything.

Why does poly work for me? I have just always been wired this way. I tried playing by societial rules and was never content. Now I am. Each man gives me something I need.

gorgeouskitten 07-08-2013 05:32 PM

Id post something...but my story would be awfully similar to Dagferi's. though my BF is married, and there is some issue there. I met another couple recently who each have a "list" of approved people (by their spouse) of whom they can "play" with (their words) and thats it. To me, that isnt 'poly' per sey because it doesnt involved a relationship commitment...but thats just me. for me, poly is have love/commitment to more than one person, and i also dont believe in giving your spouse control over your love life.

Vixtoria 07-08-2013 11:32 PM

I'm not going to post, to be honest, you are going to be turning people off pretty soon. We are here to share things sure, but so far you havent' shared anything. All the posts from you are asking other people what are the pros and cons of poly and mono. No information about who you are or what your situation is or if you actually need advice or anything! Just these weird ass questions that you could honestly find by reading other threads.

Sorry but it feels an awful lot like when my kid is doing homework and rather than actually READ the article for the answers, asks me instead! If this is homework or some sort of paper on poly, do your own research. If you just want to get to know other polys, start by introducing yourself and getting personal. If you have a prob and want advice, let us know! These hypothetical overreaching questions are putting up red flags big time.


So yeah, turning this around. Tell us about YOU or YOUR poly life.

Magdlyn 07-09-2013 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vixtoria (Post 213752)
We are here to share things sure, but so far you havent' shared anything. All the posts from you are asking other people what are the pros and cons of poly and mono. No information about who you are or what your situation is or if you actually need advice or anything! Just these weird ass questions that you could honestly find by reading other threads...

So yeah, turning this around. Tell us about YOU or YOUR poly life.

Vixtoria, you might be confusing Paulie with someone else. Here is her first post.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=47098

BoringGuy 07-09-2013 03:48 PM

There have been quite a few threads like this lately, like "what does YOUR poly look like?" "provide me with a list of pros and cons of monogamy and polyamory" by users with no posting history.

I wonder if some of these folks invite strangers to their homes for dinner to chew their food and spit it out before they eat it themslves. Because that's what those threads give me a mental image of.

That said, polypaulie could still read around on the forum to find the answers she seeks instead of asking for it to be spoon-fed to her. Then she could start threads about more specific things that haven't been covered in Intro to Polyamory 101.

london 07-09-2013 03:50 PM

Quote:

What is "polyamory" to you?
Polyamory is having the potential of multiple loving/romantic relationships opposed to the norm, which is having or seeking one romantic relationship at a time.
Quote:

Tell me about your relationships.
At the moment, I'm seeing two guys. I don't know where those relationships will end up. I also have some friends with benefits and casual sex partners, although, at the moment, I am trying to prioritise the romantic relationships over the sexual ones.

Quote:

Do you have primaries/secondaries?
Primary/secondary are only terms I use to describe levels of entanglement. I don't live with any of my partners or sharte any practical entanglements such as joint finances, so those terms are moot at the moment.

Quote:

Everyone equal?
Yes, I have equal obligation to both of my romantic partners. I tend to priorotise by event rather than person, anyway.

Quote:

Open or closed?
Open, always open.

Quote:

V? Many?
Um, many I guess, but any three people can also be in a V whilst still being part of many.

Quote:

Kids?
I have one but he has no involvement with my partners at this time.

Quote:

What are the problems you personally face and how do YOU make it work?
Time, not enough time. That's the only issue at the moment.
Quote:

Why does polyamory work for you?
I guess I'm just wired for it.

JaneQSmythe 07-18-2013 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PolyPaulie (Post 213595)
I wanted to explain the great variety polyamorous relationships come in to a friend of mine. And then I thought, 'What better way than from the horses mouth?"

...or directing them to read one of the websites devoted to this topic....


What is "polyamory" to you?

Ethical non-monogamy with a focus on actual relationships not sex.

Tell me about your relationships.

See sig for short version, read "Journey" blog for long version.

Do you have primaries/secondaries?

From a practical view - yes. From a theoretical view - no. We can develop any relationship to the degree that that relationship is ready for - but you don't jump from "dating partner" to "spouse" in one fell swoop.

Everyone equal?

No two people are "equal" - people, and relationships, are unique.

Open or closed?

Open

V? Many?

Currently a Vee - could change in the future - N, W, Y, network - no plan.

Kids?

Long story, but "no"

What are the problems you personally face and how do YOU make it work?

Early on problems with time/attention management and and mistaken idea that fair means equal (it doesn't - over that now). Now just regular relationship stuff - we make it work by living it every day.

Why does polyamory work for you?

Because I love two people.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PolyPaulie (Post 213595)
Share anything you think is relevant.

See my blogs on this site.

JaneQ

Ariakas 07-18-2013 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PolyPaulie (Post 213595)

[B]What is "polyamory" to you?

Simply loving more than one. Anything wrapped around that is simply a relationship construct. If thats fucking with love, no fucking with love.. love as the primary indicator love as the secondary indicator.. it doesn't matter. Poly simply means loving more than one.. period.

Anything else feels very christian to me.

Quote:

Tell me about your relationships. Do you have primaries/secondaries?
Not by name, we are generally all primaries. We all contribute.. no real rules in place but we all respect each other and are considerate. Thats been key for me.

Quote:

Everyone equal?
The impossible dream. No, not every relationship within my quad is equal. We just accept it as it is.

Quote:

Open or closed?
Meh.. neither. we just are. At this stage life as a quad, 2 kids, 1 kid on the way are far too busy to be dating. We have to respect out limited time.

Quote:

V?
Quad...

Quote:

Kids?
Yes

Quote:

What are the problems you personally face and how do YOU make it work? Why does polyamory work for you?
We face regular problems. Time is key and the most difficult thing to manage. Poly works for all of us, because it isn't something special.. its just a set of relationships. Those relationships need to be managed exactly as they would be as fuck friends, lovers, wives, best friends.


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