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-   -   What is your "White Picket Fence"? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49233)

WingedVictory 06-27-2013 02:35 AM

What is your "White Picket Fence"?
The "white picket fence" is the supposed ideal life for your average monogomous person. While I realize it's not what every mono person wants, it's the byword (or phrase, as the case may be) for domestic happily ever after.

I've noticed one of the most common happily ever afters people talk about on here is the elusive triad (whether that is via the infamous "unicorn hunt" or not). For them, this is the "white picket fence".

For me, it'd be living in one house with both of my primaries, being open about our relationship(s) with our friends and families, and maybe ([i]maybe[\i]) even having kids - preferably one with each of my guys if we do decide to go there. We have a number of obstacles to this right now, but are doing our best to work through them. I have hope that within a year or two (perhaps more, though I hope not) this could realistically happen.

I'm curious; what is it for others on this board? What is your idea of domestic bliss? Are you living it now? Are you working toward it? Has it changed over time for you? Inquiring minds (or at least mine) want to know. :)

nycindie 06-27-2013 02:55 AM

The term "domestic bliss" sort of makes me gag. Anyway, you might enjoy reading some of the existing threads we have here on this topic (feel free to add to them if you want):

Imagine your ideal relationship.

Solo poly people - what's your ideal?

configuration question

Inyourendo 06-27-2013 02:55 AM

N and me living together, partners have their own home. Not interested in house sharing

LovingRadiance 06-27-2013 03:30 AM

20 acres
5 homes-1 for me, 1 for Maca, 1 for GG, 1 for whoever and 1 for visitors
already have the kids, grandkids, shared living, being out etc.

BoringGuy 06-27-2013 05:01 AM

I always wanted a house full of cats; then my mother died and left me a house full of cats. Mission accomplished. I am living proof.

london 06-27-2013 06:13 AM

Mine is relationship with someone I share a home and finances with, maybe another kid or two and both of us to have the time and freedom to also have other relationships or maybe just sex with other people.

YouAreHere 06-27-2013 01:04 PM

I'm not poly, but my partner is, so my "white picket fence" ideal has been changing over the last couple years, probably to the point where I don't know what my ideal would be anymore.

After my divorce, I would have eagerly jumped full-bore into another marriage and gone full picket fence, mixed finances/assets, etc., but it seems in hindsight that I didn't really know how to define MYSELF and what I really wanted outside of a particular role (wife).

Now? I'm not keen on the idea of mixing finances or assets. Especially since I purchased my own house post-divorce and don't want to have to lose that for ANYONE.

My retirement ideal would be to move to the city. I consider Boston "my city" but honestly, anywhere urban with a nice public transportation system and some good culture is a good target. If my partner and any of his partners at that time are interested in doing the same, maybe we could all live nearby and save ourselves the drive (and save the other young whippersnappers from us old folk driving and yelling at the "Road Hogs" in our way). Since I have no idea where the future will take us at this point, I'm not hung up on it happening, though.

tl;dr - post-divorce, this is all in flux. No idea what my fences look like anymore, and I'm not sure I'll know until I'm there.

As an aside, this is the one thing that scared the poop out of me, as a newly-divorced mono chick going into a poly relationship - what the HELL is my future going to look like? What can I count on? It doesn't follow the script! Well, apparently neither did my marriage, so even though I had a script, it didn't mean much of a damn. I'm finally (about two years in) getting comfortable with the idea of there being no script, and I don't even really think much about where we'll be in the future. We may still be right where we are now, and that's not a bad thing - it doesn't mean we're "stagnant", and that took some time to realize.

JadeDoor 06-28-2013 02:33 PM

Mine will change I'm sure, as I'm very new to this. Right now, DH is dating a woman and I am single (well, except for being married to DH of course).

Ideally I would like to see us living together, simply because of who this particular woman is. She is DH's ex wife and mom to my stepkids. We'd have a LOT of talking to do before things could get to the point where two very different parenting ideals could be combined into one household, but it's something I'd consider. If that happened, I wouldn't mind my "other person" living there too. Or maybe they have their own place nearby with THEIR primary.

My ideal is a big family, whether we have separate residences or not. I'd like everyone to at least be friendly with each other and have a mutual trust and understanding.

bookworm 06-28-2013 04:27 PM

I am almost at my ideal now. I have two wonderful guys that I am with most of the time. I would love to have all of us under one roof but I don't know at this point if that is really practical but Bob is here with us most of the time as it is so that's great but its always sad to see him leave in the evenings. I would love for Keith to find someone to be involved with (male or female) and hope that we would all get along.

I think my ideal will change over time but I think we are all pretty happy with the way things are at the moment.

Petunia 07-01-2013 08:16 PM

My picket fence has
My picket fence has me plus two main people living under one roof; my husband and Ms/Mr X. I think I'd be happiest if I had two partners so that where one left off the other would begin with some overlap. Maybe even a lot of overlap. :D

My husband works out of town most of the week, so I have a lot of time alone. My ideal would be to have someone in my life that complemented his schedule. I'd love to have someone around most of the time. Not that I'd want for us to be exclusive to each other socially or emotionally, but I'd love to have a busier household. I think I may have a community mindset. :o

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