Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Life stories and blogs (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=5)
-   -   My Blog: Me and My Guys (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49164)

bookworm 06-25-2013 02:29 PM

My Blog: Me and My Guys
Its always difficult to start a blog. You never really know where to start. So I guess I should start by telling you about me and my wonderful guys. I sometimes think that I am the luckiest woman in the world as I am loved by two wonderful men and we all get along great. They are both friends and often spend time together.

Keith (hes 44) is quite and reserved, the serious type. He's responsible and solid and very supportive and respectful. He's very open minded and we often discuss fantasies as he is a very in the closet bi guy. Sex is great with Keith just infrequent. I'm no sure why this is. I've had a hard time getting him to discuss it and it seems like when I try to talk to him about it, it just makes it worse.

Bob (he's 50) is just the opposite of Keith in almost everyway including body type. Bob is tall and slim and Keith is shorter and stocky. Bob is outgoing, wherever he is that is the fun place to be. There is never a dull moment. He's also very affectionate and passionate. A typical night at our place is after supper we watch t.v with me and Bob snuggled on the couch til bedtime.

Bob doesn't live with us, but his house is only a block away. I try to spend the night with him at least once a month and we usually go out on Sat night and one night thru the week. There is rarely a day that I don't see him. This past weekend we went to the lake. Keith was glad to have me home but was glad we had a good time.

My family knows about our triad. They are either accepting or they keep their opinion to themselves. It really hasn't cause any trouble with my family. Bob's close friends know and they are of the opinion that if its works then its fine and its not their business anyway. Keith on the other hand doesn't confide in others about our relationship. He so worries about what others think he doesn't give anyone a chance to be accepting.

I guess that's enough of an intro. I shall blog more later.......

FullofLove1052 06-25-2013 03:37 PM

I look forward to reading more about your journey. I am glad that things are going well for you. :)


LadySFI 06-25-2013 03:58 PM

Wow, that sounds fabulous. Especially the part about your family being okay/or dealing with it. How long has this been going on?

I can hear the contentment in your post. I love to read things like this. Keep up the blog, I can't wait to read more.

bookworm 06-26-2013 11:31 AM


Originally Posted by LadySFI (Post 211770)
Wow, that sounds fabulous. Especially the part about your family being okay/or dealing with it. How long has this been going on?

I can hear the contentment in your post. I love to read things like this. Keep up the blog, I can't wait to read more.

I have been with Keith nearly 7 years now. We had been in a poly with a different guy before Bob but when I made the decision to move in with Keith he never really accepted it. I've been with Bob almost 2 years now but it was back in Jan when we all really got so close. Keith and I bought a house together and it just happened to be a block from where Bob lives now. When we moved he helped us out a lot and Keith really got to know him then. Its been great ever since.

I never made a conscious decision to hide or come out to my family about our relationship. But when they saw us all together and would ask questions I would be honest. I think that honesty helped a lot with their acceptance. I think it was the same with Bob and his friends. So I didn't just shout it from the rooftops but I didn't go out of my way to hide it either.

bookworm 06-26-2013 01:54 PM

Our relationship hasn't always been this easy. Its taken a lot of hard work to get things to this point. When I first started seeing Bob, Keith knew him as their paths crossed due to work. But he really didn't know him all that well. After just a bit Keith started to be insecure and believed that I was taking things too fast with Bob and was worried that I would leave him for Bob. At his request I scaled things back. But I knew I didn't want to completely give him up, Bob had me from that first kiss. Sometimes you just know, the chemistry is perfect like love at first kiss. Anyway, needless to say there were more than a few rocky moments with me and Keith that first year.

Then in December things began to change. Me and Keith bought a house just down from where Bob owned property. When the property deal was finally done in January Bob started helping us move. He helped with renovations and even put down new flooring for us in my kitchen. And with all the time that Keith and Bob were spending together, Keith really had a chance to get to know him and Keith realized what I had been saying about what a good guy Bob is. That's when Bob started eating with us from time to time, and a few months later he moved down the street from us. Now its customary for him to be here at supper time and if he's not then its not just me that misses him.

My youngest daughter that lives close has gotten used to him being here as well. When she comes over its no surprise to her that he's here and my grandkids call him Uncle Bob (I just love that) We are not overly affectionate when others are around but I'm sure you can't help but know how we feel for each other. When my mother first realized that we had a poly relationship she questioned it but she finally came to terms with it. She just says that I'm grown and if I'm happy she's fine with it. My oldest daughter has the hardest time with it. She lives farther away so doesn't visit much. But she just opts not to talk about it. She says its my life and she won't tell me what to do but she just doesn't want to talk about it. Our neighbor I'm sure realizes our arrangement and they seem pretty tolerant as well. She asked Bob if we had a good time at the lake this weekend and seems to think that it great that we all get along. All this makes me believe there is more tolerance out there if we just give it a chance. Or maybe I'm just overly optimistic.

bookworm 06-27-2013 02:32 PM

I realized that I had introduced my guys pretty well, but I really haven't said much about myself. Its hard for me to talk about myself, maybe because I've always been focused on other people. My focus has always been on my kids and my family, those closest to me.

I've been married twice before. The first marriage was the longest, 10 years. I had both of my daughters in this marriage, no kids in the second marriage. I married my first husband right out of high school with a baby on the way. I was young and stupid and thought we would all do a lot of growing up. I did the growing up, he did the running around and pretended he was single. By the time I married the second time I was pretty open to poly relationships but he wasn't that open. He preferred the don't ask don't tell policy which DOES NOT WORK. I can't stress that enough. He liked to do as he wished but he didn't like to think that I would be interested in someone else.

I'm 41, soon to be 42 :eek: and have two grown daughters (at least they like to think they are) One daughter is 23 the other is 21 and has two of her own. I'm currently in between jobs but worked as a bank teller for a long time. I'm also a bit of a geek. I read all the time and have my own blog devoted to book reviews.

I met Keith almost 7 years ago and we've had our ups and downs, but I am glad we've made it. He's a good man and I'm lucky to have him. We have always been interested in poly and have tried the swinger lifestyle. But I like the poly much more than just random partners. I knew that Keith was bi early on in the relationship and that that was an added bonus for me. I've always thought bi guys were hot and I have loved that aspect of our sex life. I guess that you would say that I am bi-curious as I have always been attracted to women as well as men but I've never had the experience. That side of life is difficult in small town America right in the middle of the bible belt. Maybe someday, maybe not.

bookworm 06-28-2013 01:54 PM

Before Bob came into our life I was in a relationship with Lee. I wasn't living with Keith at that time and I had actually been seeing Lee first. Lee was married and it was understood that our relationship was never going to go any farther than the point it was at. So he understood that I didn't want to be alone so much when I started seeing Keith. But several years later, my kids were grown and I was staying with Keith all the time anyway, I made the decision to give up my home and move in with Keith. Lee really didn't like this at all. He never really adjusted and eventually it was decided that we wouldn't see each other any more. That was really difficult for me. He had been in my life for quite a long time. I had already started seeing Bob toward the end of the relationship with Lee and Bob is very jealous. He's never been in a poly type relationship and he didn't like Lee to begin with (But Bob is fine with my relationship with Keith). That was another reason that I decided not to see Lee anymore. It was making the relationship that I had with Bob so much more difficult and I wasn't seeing Lee more than once every couple of months anyway. Its hard to have a relationship with someone that you never see. Its just almost impossible. However, I have never stopped being in contact with Lee. There is rarely a day that goes by that I don't talk to him on the phone or text. I have made it clear that I am not going to see him any more but its hard to cut him out of my life completely because he's been such a big part of it. Keith doesn't care. He knows where I stand and that I haven't been seeing him. But, Bob is another matter. He's jealous. I have not lied to him and told him that we never talk. But I don't think he knows that we talk daily. Its hard to cut all ties but then again I'm not sure this daily contact is helping the situation. I'm not in love with Lee like I am Bob and Keith but I still care about what happens to him. I wish him happiness and all that. But I'm not going back to that relationship.

bookworm 06-28-2013 08:00 PM

I have been living with Keith for just over a year now, but we've been together for nearly seven. But we aren't married. My mother periodically pokes around asking if its ever gonna happen. I honestly don't see it happening, and not sure that I want that, nor do I think that Keith wants that. I mentioned it this afternoon to Bob about what my mother keeps pushing for and he immediately got defensive. I know that he's never been in a poly before and the whole concept is new to him. But I don't know why he would be so insistent that he couldn't see me anymore if I made the decision to marry Keith? In my eyes it wouldn't change anything, and I don't think it would to Keith either. Me and Keith had discussed it before, and he wants to always remain in a poly and he really likes Bob too. He knows how much Bob cares for me, and me for Bob, and wants things to remain like they are. I just don't understand why it would make such a difference to Bob if it wouldn't to us? At this point marriage isn't in the cards. I have the security and stability that I'm looking for without it so why change a good thing. And I certainly wouldn't want to lose either of the guys that I have.

bookworm 06-30-2013 04:40 PM

I was reading Freetimes post earlier about time and it got me to thinking about the time that I spend with my guys. I often worry that I don't split my time well enough between them. I don't wish either of them to think that I'm preferring one over the other after all. But then again, my relationship with Keith is unlike my relationship with Bob. Bob and I were discussing this just yesterday. He says that he sees me and Keith as being really stable and that he thinks we will make it just fine. Bob, who has never been in a poly before, has continuously said as long as its jus the three of us he is just fine with our arrangement. And he is constantly making sure that he isn't taking up too much of my time with Keith. Keith, who saw me hurt in a previous relationship, is glad that the current one is going so well. Bob makes plenty of time for me so we can go place and do things and Keith knows where I'm at when the day is over--right beside him.

Someone else had made a point about us poly people being so full of empathy for our other partners. And I think this is so true. I see this in my own poly that is currently working so well. We are all thinking about the others in our triad and do our best to be honest about everything. This keeps one of us from being blindsided by one situation or another. I hope it always stays this way but I know things change, people change.

bookworm 07-01-2013 08:21 PM

Well, the fourth of July is coming up. Another one of those pesky holidays where everyone does the family thing lol. My oldest daughter has just told me that she is going to get to visit that day. She does her best to not judge my poly lifestyle but I know that it bothers her. She has a mild form of a social anxiety disorder and that makes it difficult for her in social situations. She has a hard time wrapping her brain around the fact that I have two relationships when she has difficulty accepting just one in her own life. She has never made it a point to be around when Bob was here so this will be a chance for her to get to know him a little better. I've been talking to her about it some. I told her if she gets to know him that it would make holidays and get togethers easier because he is going to be here. He's part of our family and I see no reason to send him away. Its not like we will have sex among the potato salad LOL.

I can hear him already when I tell him that she's coming. He will say maybe he doesn't need to be here because she doesn't like him. But its not that at all, she just doesn't know him. But anyone that gives him half a chance always likes him, he's one of those people that you just can't help but like. But I hope all goes well, I shall blog about how our fourth goes later.

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:12 AM.