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-   -   He needs space (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49130)

Key1 06-24-2013 07:48 PM

He needs space
Hi there I'm new here and desperate for some advice. My partner of 5 years has left me stating he needs space. I came home from work and noticed he had packed all his things and left the country. He threw away his mobile phone and left me with no contact. He did leave me a letter stating that he could no longer live in my country because of the licensing laws and is afraid of me. 3 years ago we had a punch up, we stayed together but lived apart for 18 months but had a good relationship despite that. When he left he had worked his notice and left for 3 weeks but each day was telling me he was going to work. Looking back I have noticed things that have contributed to him leaving but never realised at the time. In panic I contacted all our friends and his family and they all ignored me. After a week and 3 days I get a text out the blue stating that this is his new number and he needs space to heal and deal with things. He also asked me to not contact any of our friends again or his family. To be honest I was so upset about him leaving that I was even considering suicide. I am trying my absolute hardest to not text him but if I don't reply straight away he will keep texting me. I have told him that I will not text or call him until he text or calls me. This so far has worked well. We are even planning in 4 days time to meet up and talk. I really don't know what to ask him when Im there. I'm so much in love that I have started looking for jobs in his country. I don't want to live there but I do want to be with him. I'm really not sure what steps to take next and how I can learn to trust him after he has done this. When asking why he didn't talk to me before leaving he said he knew I would of tried stopping him and would of ended up staying. He says he is still very much in love with me but not sure if we can continue. To be honest I think I have just answered my own question but what are our thoughts and what should I ask him when we meet up?

BoringGuy 06-24-2013 07:56 PM

I might catch flack for asking this, but what is the connection between your refugee problem and poly/nonmonogamy. Perhaps i missed something obvious, but i went back & read it and it doesn't say a single thing about that. It just says, "i'm freaking out because the person i was abusing ran away. What should i do?"

If someone was so afraid of me that they packed their bags without notice and left the country, i'd probably just let go of them. But i can't imagine things ever getting to that point because i'm not, um, that way. I mean, no one has ever left the country because of me (that i am aware of).

Marcus 06-24-2013 09:08 PM


Originally Posted by Key1 (Post 211603)
To be honest I think I have just answered my own question but what are our thoughts and what should I ask him when we meet up?


This is an introduction section.

"Hi, my name is, I'm poly (or not), hoping to whatever"

Your specific issue about being in denial about why your loved one left the country and all of your friends and his family are treating you like you are a bomb waiting to go off... needs to be in one of the other areas.

kdt26417 06-24-2013 10:34 PM

Hi Key1,
Welcome to our forum.

I am confused about your situation. Why did your partner leave? How is he not getting space? Why the restriction on contacting friends and family? Why is he afraid of you?

If you choose to post elsewhere on this site -- the Fireplace for example -- give me a link here and I'll follow it to your other thread.

I'm not sure what you should ask your partner when you meet up, unless it be the questions I've asked here. I hope the two of you can get something worked out.

Is there a poly angle of some sort to this? I'm curious ...

Kevin T.

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