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-   -   feeling sad and lonely (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49127)

jetta9502 06-24-2013 05:08 PM

feeling sad and lonely
 
Today I am a ball if emotions. I haven't seen the ex for a while. She came over last night and we all played games. It was a lot of fun, however I just kept having this sad feeling. Seeing her again made me really miss her. I have started to try to look for someone else and kinda started seeing this couple but have decided I don't wanna continue with them. But when she came over a lot if emotions have been going through me. I feel sad, and lonely. Not that i dont have my husband but i dont have that other person like he does and I want that so bad. I worry I'm not going to find anyone. I just hope I can find someone.... sorry if I'm rambling just a lot going through my head right now!

GalaGirl 06-24-2013 05:26 PM

It takes time.

Hang in there.

GG

Wifeto2 06-24-2013 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jetta9502 (Post 211591)
Today I am a ball if emotions. I haven't seen the ex for a while. She came over last night and we all played games. It was a lot of fun, however I just kept having this sad feeling. Seeing her again made me really miss her. I have started to try to look for someone else and kinda started seeing this couple but have decided I don't wanna continue with them. But when she came over a lot if emotions have been going through me. I feel sad, and lonely. Not that i dont have my husband but i dont have that other person like he does and I want that so bad. I worry I'm not going to find anyone. I just hope I can find someone.... sorry if I'm rambling just a lot going through my head right now!

All I can offer is hugs. It takes time to get over any relationship. If it hurts to see her I would probably suggest she come over for awhile. I know I wouldn't want to see my ex.

gorgeouskitten 06-25-2013 08:03 PM

hang in there, my husband is going through this too (althoguh we do not share any partners) with me having my BF and him looking. Its hard, but i hope your husband is supportive :)

nycindie 06-27-2013 06:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jetta9502 (Post 211591)
It was a lot of fun, however I just kept having this sad feeling. Seeing her again made me really miss her.

Hmm, missing her while she was actually there with you... that says to me that you were really living in your head that night. It's too bad you weren't able to stay present to really savor and appreciate the moments you had with her. Instead, you let yourself get wrapped up in the past. It's no wonder you were feeling sad and nostalgic, but look at how you prevented yourself from really enjoying her company fully by focusing on what you were missing instead. Next time you see her, do whatever you can to bring yourself back to the present moment, the "here and now." Please pardon this somewhat vulgar saying that comes to mind: if you've got one foot in the past and the other foot in the future, you are pissing on the present.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jetta9502 (Post 211591)
I have started to try to look for someone else . . . i dont have that other person like he does and I want that so bad. I worry I'm not going to find anyone. I just hope I can find someone.

People are not prizes to be won.

Nor are they there for you to use in order to keep pace with your hubby. It isn't a race or a competition. You sound so forlorn and desperate - I don't think it's a good time for you to be pursuing people to be in a relationship with you. You're in mourning, you're upset. It wouldn't be very nice to do to any potential partners, as you'd just be using them to erase the pain of your break-up and somehow feel like you and your husband are "even." Take some time to be alone with yourself and get to like who you are, before you start escaping into another relationship.

Dirtclustit 06-27-2013 07:40 AM

Damn!
 
I am glad it was only in my head that this online poly community is a little prickish to couples:o

Of course you'll miss her, and it's OK to feel your emotions. You have them for reason and I hope you keep coming back here to write about them because if you don't have someone to talk to it can hard. Whatever you do, I definitely wouldn't ignore them and become detached because someone jumped to conclusions because you weren't careful enough when wrote them out.

It would be awesome if you really could have one foot in past, and one it the now, but it might only be satisfying if you had a dick so when you pissed you could arc it over and into polyamory dot com every time someone jumps all over you because of something some couple did in their past.

Give yourself break, I think you are doing pretty damn well. It takes a lot of courage, a lot of love, and a lot of understanding to back off like you have and there is nothing you can do that will instantly ease your sorrow, or soothe your sadness when you miss your ex-girlfriend. Give yourself credit, there really isn't a harder situation than to have your partner continue seeing them. But don't quit now, because if you make it through this you can make it through anything.

Not to get your hopes up or anything, but just know that your ex-girlfriend and your spouse will realize how much love and understanding it takes to fulfill your role in this. If they are wise enough to do the little things to help you work through this, and you all recognize each others effort, you will have a spouse and a friend that no other relationships can ever compare to. And after a year or so, if you can hold it together, you might truly understand that friendships that strong will make you one the richest people who ever lived. Friends like that are priceless, and it sounds like you are willing to be that friend to her. Hopefully the two of them will recognize that.

I am sure it's hard feeling alone, but it could always be worse, and there is nothing that makes it worse faster than getting involved with the wrong person in any type of non-monogamous relationship

jetta9502 06-29-2013 04:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirtclustit (Post 212186)
I am glad it was only in my head that this online poly community is a little prickish to couples:o

Of course you'll miss her, and it's OK to feel your emotions. You have them for reason and I hope you keep coming back here to write about them because if you don't have someone to talk to it can hard. Whatever you do, I definitely wouldn't ignore them and become detached because someone jumped to conclusions because you weren't careful enough when wrote them out.

It would be awesome if you really could have one foot in past, and one it the now, but it might only be satisfying if you had a dick so when you pissed you could arc it over and into polyamory dot com every time someone jumps all over you because of something some couple did in their past.

Give yourself break, I think you are doing pretty damn well. It takes a lot of courage, a lot of love, and a lot of understanding to back off like you have and there is nothing you can do that will instantly ease your sorrow, or soothe your sadness when you miss your ex-girlfriend. Give yourself credit, there really isn't a harder situation than to have your partner continue seeing them. But don't quit now, because if you make it through this you can make it through anything.

Not to get your hopes up or anything, but just know that your ex-girlfriend and your spouse will realize how much love and understanding it takes to fulfill your role in this. If they are wise enough to do the little things to help you work through this, and you all recognize each others effort, you will have a spouse and a friend that no other relationships can ever compare to. And after a year or so, if you can hold it together, you might truly understand that friendships that strong will make you one the richest people who ever lived. Friends like that are priceless, and it sounds like you are willing to be that friend to her. Hopefully the two of them will recognize that.

I am sure it's hard feeling alone, but it could always be worse, and there is nothing that makes it worse faster than getting involved with the wrong person in any type of non-monogamous relationship


thank you for your kind words. some people in here and just be unkind and rude. its hard for me to post in here because of the reactions people give me and the things that people say. one conversation even got so crazy that a mod stepped in and closed the conversation.

yes i am still having a bit of a hard time. its hard for me to see them together and hug or even put his arm around her. i think part of it is that im sad it didnt work out between me and her. i feel rejected. and i believe that is normal. but i am trying to work it out.

A couple of days ago we got the calendar out and figured out a schedule. Something that will be fair for all of us. And so that way both me and her know what days he will stay with her and what days he will stay with me. I think that has helped me knowing. no suprises of all of the sudden he is going to stay with her.

I have started looking for someone for me. i know some people are not going to agree with me looking already. but i am trying to move on. i have a couple choices. i can stay home and be sad and watch him have fun with her. i can continue to be sad and upset. OOORRRR I can move on. try to find that someone. and be happy. and that is what i am doing. i want nothing more than my husband and gf to be happy, and i want nothing more than me to be happy.

Dirtclustit 06-29-2013 05:23 AM

Good to Hear!

And thank you for coming back, nobody can know better than you, what is right for you to do, esp when you are being honest and rational. Sometimes you need to bounce ideas off a close friend, but usually only when your blinded by circumstance. A good friend would be worried if you were hate filled and angry, as that is when people make foolish decisions and do damage to relationships that cannot be repaired. You are doing your part to be responsible, and it's gonna hurt, but time and persistence will carry you through to where it's managable. Hopefully they will do their part and recognize the little things they can do, so that their behavior doesn't do damage that cannot be repaired.

But you definitely sound like your end is covered, you are doing the right thing, so give yourself credit and do what you need to do. Just realize, you are tackling one of the hardest situations to persist, and keep going.

AND YOU ARE DOING IT!

time will make it manageable, this is the hardest part, and you've been doing it. You are able to do it

it will get easier


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