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-   -   Time to Move on (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48983)

jetta9502 06-20-2013 04:29 PM

Time to Move on
Well it finally happened. Me and gf broke up. Like I thought she wasn't that into me. I think part of the problem was that I would think that and then she would say or do something and my husband would say see I told you so. She loves you. But it was all not true. She does still love me but not romantically. I am one of her best friends and she wants it to stay that way.

The way it happened though was not so pretty. Basically he went over to her house for his night over there. She told him she wasn't really into me but was afraid to tell me. And she couldn't do it. So he told me through text. Not the way I wanted to be broken up with. Then he was going to spend the night because it was his night to stay with her. however all I really wanted was for him to come home and be with me. even though I knew it was coming it still hurt, and it hurt a lot the way it was done. she even told him to come home but he didn't listen and stayed the night with her. that upset me a lot. but it is what is is and its over.

so now what? now its time to move on. He is still going to be with her and I am ok with that. they both love each other very much and I want them to be happy. me and her have a best friend relationship and we both want to keep it that way. Of course me and him are going to stay together. And I am going to find someone for me. I don't know if its gonna be a couple or a single woman. I havnt decided. gonna just see what happens.

the past couple of days I have been more angry and cried more than ever. but now I realize that its time to move on and find someone for me, and I am very excited for this journey.

Natja 06-20-2013 05:51 PM

I think it is for the best!! Here's to a life with hopefully more personal fulfilment. I wish you all the best.

FullofLove1052 06-20-2013 06:01 PM

While I have my thoughts on the way she handled it, (having your husband break it off for her and relaying it via text--so cold and impersonal), I wish you well. Take some time to get over her and heal. Hopefully you learned a thing or two, and those things will be helpful in the next relationships. It will get better in time. :)

Dagferi 06-20-2013 06:40 PM

I am sorry. Getting dumped sucks.

I do have to say your husband's an ass. And she is not much of a friend. A friend would have sent him home. He didn't want to go and neither did she.

annakas 06-20-2013 08:41 PM

Wow both your ex-gf and husband were dicks about the situation.

Your girlfriend for doing it in such an impersonal and cowardly way. But atleast she got it out and is not stringing you along anymore and give you mixed messages. It is always hard to break up with somone you actually still like but just don't feel romantic about anymore. And if the only way she could get the courage to break up was this way then it is better to get the break up message, than to wonder whats going one for more months in the future.

Also I doub't the friendship from her side can be that true or strong if she agreed to let your husband stay with her after he knew you had just broken up with her. A good friend/metamour would have kicked your husband out and rescheduled their date night for a next time, because you needed him more, and letting him stay was very bad form, after she knew you were alone hurting and your other partner was away from home/with her.

Your husband though was a real insentsitive dick for staying with her that night when his wife actually needed him for emoional support and comfort. Date night or no date night. Plus he basically stayed with the person who just broke up with his wife! So it was like adding salt to the wound of nyah nyah our relationship is still going strong, sorry for you hurting wifey but the two of us now need to celebrate the gf new found freedom! WTF!?!?! Was it the NRE? But that is still no excuse.

What is he going to do when she has a crisis on your and his date night? Tell her sorry I'm on a date! Or if you have a more serious crisis in their another date night?

OP I would caution you to not be too accomodating in the near future in your interactions with her. Don't try to be a super woman who is her bestest friend because the two of you agreed to stay friends after the break up. Make sure that you will take the needed time and distance from your ex-gf so that you could emotionally move on from her, before resuming things with her in the friendship level.

For her it will be very easy to categorize you as a friend and resume things like that, because she was the one who has moved on emotionally a long time ago, and it will not hurt her to have you as her friend, plus also probably help her deal with any guilt issues she might have about stringing you along, because then she can say to herself "See we are friends now, both of us are fine!"

If you don't let enough time and distance between your break up and resumed friendship there is a real danger that you will not move on easily, and she will unintentionally string you along again. It is hard to regatecorize someone in to the friend zone if you see them still in a romantic light, or were with them a week ago and now wham you are suddenly only friends.

It will be very hard to feel the new line between a friendship and romantic relationship if there is not enough distance for you to see what is normal between friends because you will be too used to interacting with her in a girlfriend level.

So don't pressure yourself to handle things better and surpress your pain, if you notice it is harder to just be friends than you thought. And don't let your husband or ex-gf do it either.

Maynard 06-23-2013 02:31 PM

Very sorry.
I feel for you and your loss of a love. I wish you the best of luck on your road to happiness again, and the new search for that certain new someone. I think you should take your time and enjoy you for you. The right person will show them self to you in due time.

As to your husband, have you told him how selfish and insensitive he was to your feelings and the situation. I hope you have told him, everyone should be on the same page, know that none of this should be a recurring thing. If she needs him and its not her time, is he going to do the same to her or, drop everything and run to her. That to me are things to discuss. Hope not being to rude in my comment. Again I wish you luck.

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