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-   -   Finding That Elusive Female Orgasm (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48935)

LovingRadiance 06-19-2013 07:08 AM

Finding That Elusive Female Orgasm
 
Ok-I have a friend (not me THANK YOU GOD) who is struggling.

She can't orgasm during intercourse-and believes it means she's "broken". Completely can't believe that a large majority of women can't.

She orgasms fine with toys. But, her husband is jealous and angry about her using them. (I know-that's a topic for later).

He expects her to give him oral and manual stimulation as well as intercourse. But-he won't perform manually or orally on her and doesn't appreciate the toy use... (again-respect issue I already started addressing)

BUT-can anyone guide me to INTELLIGENT articles, medical journals, blogs ANYTHING that is not bullshit-to share with her so she can't start realizing that this bs in her head IS bs..?

BoringGuy 06-19-2013 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance (Post 210643)
Ok-I have a friend (not me THANK YOU GOD) who is struggling.

She can't orgasm during intercourse-and believes it means she's "broken". Completely can't believe that a large majority of women can't.

She orgasms fine with toys. But, her husband is jealous and angry about her using them. (I know-that's a topic for later).

He expects her to give him oral and manual stimulation as well as intercourse. But-he won't perform manually or orally on her and doesn't appreciate the toy use... (again-respect issue I already started addressing)

BUT-can anyone guide me to INTELLIGENT articles, medical journals, blogs ANYTHING that is not bullshit-to share with her so she can't start realizing that this bs in her head IS bs..?

Do you really want me to Google That For You™? I mean, would it be faster? I know you get internet by dogsled up where you are, but it IS the same internet?

Sorry but it's late, i'm home, i'm high... you know... Captain Obvious and all that..

london 06-19-2013 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance (Post 210643)
Ok-I have a friend (not me THANK YOU GOD) who is struggling.

She can't orgasm during intercourse-and believes it means she's "broken". Completely can't believe that a large majority of women can't.

She orgasms fine with toys. But, her husband is jealous and angry about her using them. (I know-that's a topic for later).

He expects her to give him oral and manual stimulation as well as intercourse. But-he won't perform manually or orally on her and doesn't appreciate the toy use... (again-respect issue I already started addressing)

BUT-can anyone guide me to INTELLIGENT articles, medical journals, blogs ANYTHING that is not bullshit-to share with her so she can't start realizing that this bs in her head IS bs..?

I'd start with divorce lawyers in her area.

BoringGuy 06-19-2013 07:31 AM

Is this the same one who had the "psychological disconnect between sex and emotion" a few years ago?

wildflowers 06-19-2013 10:24 AM

Here's just one, LR. I think there's a bunch out there about this book, as well as the book itself. I'm sure there's plenty of other sources too; this is just one I happen to remember.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...tory-vibrators

If I remember right you can see the first chapter of the book or an intro or something on Amazon. The author's description of being an academic who does research on vibrators was pretty funny. I wasn't motivated enough to read the whole book.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Technology...logy+of+orgasm

Natja 06-19-2013 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by london (Post 210645)
I'd start with divorce lawyers in her area.

Word!

Nadya 06-19-2013 11:26 AM

Here is one link, hopefully somewhat helpful:

http://www.elle.com/life-love/sex-re...secrets-341090

An interview with a sexual educator from Sweden. Apparently her book has not been translated into English, which is a shame. The title is promising: "Orgasm More Often" -- maybe one day someone will translate it, who knows.

Josie 06-19-2013 12:04 PM

This is an article rather than an official study but makes some good points:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/menshealt...ithorgasms.htm

Especially in this paragraph:

So, try not to give the impression to your female partner that she ‘ought’ to be able to climax through intercourse alone and that that is what you think of as ‘proper sex’. The sex menu can be a varied one.

I know that the experience of one person may not mean much or go that far is convincing her that she's normal, but I also have a lot of trouble. Even with manual and/or oral stimulation, less than 10% of my partners have been able to make me come, and until my current boyfriend, I was pretty sure it was never going to happen. I've definitely never come from sex alone - it would be an impossibility. It think this is the case for a lot of women, from my own experience talking to people about it, it's quite rare for a woman to be able to come without any clitoral stimulation.

opalescent 06-19-2013 02:11 PM

Dan Savage. Anything - the blog, the column, the podcasts, his books. He regularly reinforces that people do not come all the same, especiallly female people. And your friend desperately needs to learn about GGG: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savage_Love

Here's a link to the most recent column: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/S...e?oid=17004334

The older columns are available in archives.

Dan Savage's podcast is on itunes. Just search for 'Dan Savage'. The shorter version is free. The 'micro' version is actually about an hour and I find that is more than enough. There is an apple app and there are probably android and similar apps.

The blog is what I read most frequently: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?show=blog

Sadly, her husband sounds like he is about 90% of her struggles. What an selfish lover.

Dirtclustit 06-19-2013 05:38 PM

sounds like her husband is broken
 
it's not a "large majority" who can't orgasm from penetration alone, it's all women when they are made to feel less than, not beautiful, or too much of a hassle to be worth it.

Thank God all you want, he is a sick unfair biased bastard, give a woman a few things that make her feel desirable and attractive, including whatever minimal ambiance needs to be created, let one sexual experience happen where it is OK to not have one brain cell preoccupied with trying to please an idiot male, know what little things turn her on (which may take a few weeks since it isn't uncommon for women who have only been with men to feel allowed to consider their sexual desires) and the next thing you know the woman who had trouble orgasming realizes that women can not only have orgasms that are several times more intense than a mans, but they can have as many as they can stay conscious for but usually before that they go unconscious the many blurr into one and they don't know where one stops and another begins.

A woman's orgasm is NOT elusive, that is 100% complete and total myth, but I will say it probably seems that way but if you really want to be precise you could the majority of women have been fooled by men into thinking their orgasm is elusive.

And to be honest, I can admit that there will always be moments that no matter what the situation I will always be jealous of the not elusive and probably technically infinite capability a woman has to orgasm . Infinite because not being able to maintain consciousness as the only restriction is the biggest bullshit reason I have ever heard in my life as far as having sympathy.

You poor poor suffering female gender you


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