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-   -   First time explorer (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48701)

beatleangel 06-12-2013 06:13 PM

First time explorer
 
Hey everyone! I am here just testing the waters. My Husband and I are very interested in this lifestyle. Not so much on a daily basis but definitely for vacations and things like that. Does anyone do this successfully? Are there any special vacation places people meet up at? Ideally we would want another couple who is also very secure with each other and understands we can't see them constantly. More like vacation buddies who might talk daily but only see each other a few times a year.

beatleangel 06-12-2013 06:44 PM

Sorry, I should say a little more about us. I am 29 and he is 28. We are both straight. We just started to run our own business. We don't have any children yet but just finished the beginning stages of adopting children from foster care. We are just waiting on our match and are very excited to become parents. We are both chubsters right now but started going to the gym and swimming daily...wish us luck on our progress! Thinking of dating is really motivating us, lol. We are both pretty liberal and non religious. We don't mind if another couple isn't as long as we can agree not to discuss it. We don't have very many hobbies because we are busy enough with work right now. I guess traveling and seeing the world is what we would consider our hobby. Anyway, feel free to send a private message :)

nycindie 06-12-2013 07:06 PM

Hi and welcome! To be honest, it sounds like you are looking more for people to swing with, or an open relationship, rather than polyamory. Perhaps you need to read up a bit more on poly to understand what it is, and also visit some swinger sites.


Quote:

Originally Posted by beatleangel (Post 209360)
My Husband and I are very interested in this lifestyle.

"This lifestyle" doesn't exist. Polyamory isn't a lifestyle per se. There is no one polyamorous lifestyle to adopt. Having multiple loving relationships is something you bring to your own, unique already-exisiting lifestyle, and there are a myriad number of ways to live while being polyamorous.

beatleangel 06-12-2013 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 209375)
Hi and welcome! To be honest, it sounds like you are looking more for people to swing with, or an open relationship, rather than polyamory. Perhaps you need to read up a bit more on poly to understand what it is, and also visit some swinger sites.



"This lifestyle" doesn't exist. Polyamory isn't a lifestyle per se. There is no one polyamorous lifestyle to adopt. Having multiple loving relationships is something you bring to your own, unique already-exisiting lifestyle, and there are a myriad number of ways to live while being polyamorous.

Thanks for the reply. Yes I've read tons and I know the difference. The idea of swinging is not appealing to us at all. We both want another relationship and connection but there is no way we can be with another couple on a daily basis. I apologize for using the word "lifestyle." I am not an expert in this and was only trying to express everything the best I know how.

nycindie 06-12-2013 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beatleangel (Post 209376)
The idea of swinging is not appealing to us at all. We both want another relationship and connection but there is no way we can be with another couple on a daily basis.

Oh! Well, daily contact is not a requirement in poly! Were you given the impression that most people or couples would want that? I know for myself that I would not, and it certainly is not a given for every kind of relationship poly people would want. So, don't worry about that!

What poly books have you read? Opening Up by Tristan Taormino is a good one.

Just curious - are you only seeking a couple or have you also thought about other options? One of you might meet and be really interested in someone who has a partner that isn't interested in being part of a quad. Or you might meet a really awesome solo poly person. Have you considered dating people separately? It would certainly increase your dating pool to do so.

beatleangel 06-12-2013 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 209379)
Oh! Well, daily contact is not a requirement in poly! Were you given the impression that most people or couples would want that? I know for myself that I would not, and it certainly is not a given for every kind of relationship poly people would want. So, don't worry about that!

What poly books have you read? Opening Up by Tristan Taormino is a good one.

Just curious - are you only seeking a couple or have you also thought about other options? One of you might meet and be really interested in someone who has a partner that isn't interested in being part of a quad. Or you might meet a really awesome solo poly person. Have you considered dating people separately? It would certainly increase your dating pool to do so.

I will definitely look into the book you recommended. All of my research has just been online. As far as what we are looking for....obviously a couple would be "ideal" but I would be open to separate. I mean you can't really choose who you fall in love with and I don't want anything to be forced. I really don't know where to begin with it all, lol.

nycindie 06-12-2013 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beatleangel (Post 209383)
I really don't know where to begin with it all, lol.

OKCupid.com is a dating site that is very poly-friendly. Each of you should have a profile up, linking to the other. You don't have to have pics, or you can have pics that don't show your face. Go check it out and search for profiles with the word "polyamory" or "polyamorous" in them to get some ideas about how to present yourself.

beatleangel 06-12-2013 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 209385)
OKCupid.com is a dating site that is very poly-friendly. Each of you should have a profile up, linking to the other. You don't have to have pics, or you can have pics that don't show your face. Go check it out and search for profiles with the word "polyamory" or "polyamorous" in them to get some ideas about how to present yourself.

Okay, great advice. I am very afraid of putting pictures, lol. I will go do that now. Thank you very much!

kdt26417 06-12-2013 10:15 PM

Greetings beatleangel,
Welcome to our forum.

You could always try our Dating & Friendships subforum, sometimes that helps. I hope you have good fortune in your search.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Natja 06-13-2013 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beatleangel (Post 209383)
I mean you can't really choose who you fall in love with and I don't want anything to be forced.
.

Oh if only most had that sort of attitude!!!! :D

Welcome and congratulations re: the adoption.


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