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-   -   What to say (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48678)

kittenkittykat 06-12-2013 08:04 AM

What to say
 
Ok so I am in a polyamorus relationship and I actually was talking about having a child with him. Well all was well and good until the wife says I will be mommy and you will be Emaw as per what the child they have together calls me. Am I being oversensitive in my whole being slighty offended that my own flesh and Blood wouldn't call me mommy?

A part of me was like wth? Then another part goes well maybe that's for the best.
Just wanting some advice and wondering how othes feel about ot?
L

london 06-12-2013 09:11 AM

Excuse my French, but Fuck That Shit. Who the hell dies she think she is to say what the child that you conceived will call you. Anyone who said that to me wouldn't get a chance in hell of being anything other than a stranger to my child. I hope her husband metaphorically smacked her down to size.

Hetaera 06-12-2013 10:17 AM

Just ignore it, she can't tell you what your own child calls you. The baby isn't born yet. Live in the present with an eye on the future. Don't live in the future, you can't control it or predict it.

Maleficent 06-12-2013 12:07 PM

Nope nope nope. That would not fly with me.

YouAreHere 06-12-2013 12:24 PM

Is she saying that you can have a child with him, but only as THEIR surrogate? And be completely unacknowledged as that child's parent at all?

I would be MORE than slightly offended that my own child would be raised as someone else's. Unless you're prepared to sign over your parental rights, put your foot down. Now.

YouAreHere 06-12-2013 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hetaera (Post 209261)
Just ignore it, she can't tell you what your own child calls you. The baby isn't born yet. Live in the present with an eye on the future. Don't live in the future, you can't control it or predict it.

Ignoring it doesn't mitigate the potential mess this is going to make in the future. It's like having health insurance... best to take a look at what may happen and take steps to ensure that it doesn't, or to have a plan if it does. THEN be a leaf on the wind if you want, knowing that you're covered.

Marcus 06-12-2013 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittenkittykat (Post 209252)
A part of me was like wth? Then another part goes well maybe that's for the best.

Do you plan on raising this kid? If so, you may want to mention that to this other gal because she sounds like she's not aware of this.

Whatever you do PLEASE don't just let this ride out as another poster suggested. Don't do that to a kid... it's not its fault that it was brought into a world where there was a power struggle between "mothers"

At the very least, put this pregnancy issue on hold until this power struggle is completely resolved.

Hetaera 06-12-2013 01:42 PM

I was not suggesting to ignore this issue forever & hope it will go away. Just take a step back for now & revisit it in a bit. Unless the baby is due any day, it sounds like you have a little time to figure this out. It also sounds like she has some control issues which I find disturbing.

Natja 06-12-2013 01:44 PM

What London said.

I am guessing you are not a mother yet but trust me as soon as that baby is born you would scratch her face off if she ever even suggested that....do NOT bring any baby into a situation where anyone ever suggests that.

kittenkittykat 06-12-2013 01:55 PM

SIt was one thing when she asked if she could pass a newborn off to Family as her's because we are not public to family but to suggest that my child call her mommy and me by the name that their daughter calls me made me feel like ripping her throat out. What I am having trouble with is she thinks I am ok with lying to my child. Family resemblances are very strong on my side of the family and my child won't look a dang thing like her and I would never telll my child I am not his or her mother.
L


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