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-   -   Hello, my name is Felix... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48425)

FelixFelicis 06-07-2013 04:29 AM

Hello, my name is Felix...
...and I just recently discovered that I'm polyamorous. I'm 25, married 2 years and together 5 with a wonderful man who I love deeply, and we have a son who turns 4 in 3 DAYS! @_@

I've had a history of not only serial monogamy, but also serial cheating. I grew up being taught that a healthy relationship consists of one man and one woman and anything else was unnatural. HA! But what made it concrete in my mind that I'm poly was thinking back on a huge complicated mess I was in, oh say...6-7 years ago... when I cheated on my then boyfriend with the man who is currently my husband. I loved them both, but felt like I had to choose between them and oddly not so much because they were pressuring me to, but because it had been hammered into my head that having two men at the same time was, well...slutty.

I'm sure you figured out that I chose to be with my now husband.... well... You know nothing, Jon Snow! >:) I actually stayed with the guy I was with for probably another year, though I still loved and longed for the other, though I tried my damnedest to repress it. In the end, I was such a broken mess I couldn't keep going with my current relationship and pulled some bitch moves out of spite (like dumping him the day after he took me to an MSI concert). Well, a few months after I ended up back with my now-husband, got preggo and we've been together ever since.

Fast forward to now. After tons of soul searching I've learned I'm atheist, pansexual, bi-gendered (though I'm still not 100% sure that's right), and now... polyamorous. I've practically become a whole new person. And now that I'm discovering these new feelings and emotions alot of repressed feelings have come forward... like the strong feelings I have for my ex, who I've thought about alot over the years, though I did my best to repress and smother the love I have for him. Now that I've stopped the smothering, it's like my heart is gonna explode out of my chest! Ugh!!

These past couple days I've started actually talking to him again. Like actual conversations like we used to have. We stick to gaming and music right now, but... I dunno. A part of me hopes it might end up like it used to and another part of me is just happy to be talking to him again, even as a friend. It wouldn't be nearly so awkward to me if he didn't have a girlfriend. I'm not about to go through that messy situation again. But anyways... it's nice to get this out and I'm so glad I've found this community! I hope I'll be a welcome addition!

TL;DR: Hi, I'm Felix! It's nice to meet you!!

felele888 06-07-2013 04:03 PM

Felix! Hi!
It sounds like we have been in a few similar situations-- thanks for your intro-- all of this perspective is really helping me figure things out, too! I feel like I'm on my way to becoming a new person, as well. Yay. Exciting............... :D

kdt26417 06-07-2013 09:15 PM

Hello Felix,
Welcome to our forum.

It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of change in life, which can be disorienting. Polyamory.com is here to make things just a little steadier. Have a look at our threads and learn as much as you can about polyamory. Post any thoughts or questions as they arise.

It will be interesting to see how things develop with your ex; keep us posted; you may even want to post a blog on the Life stories and blogs board. Regardless, I'm sure you'll be a welcome addition.

Kevin T.

FelixFelicis 06-09-2013 07:37 AM

Hello!! I started my own little blog and I'll try to keep you all up to date on what's happening. It should be... interesting... trying to come up with rules for this whole situation. I've never been in this situation... at least not without the shame! @_@ It's equal parts scary and exciting, I can tell you that.

kdt26417 06-09-2013 07:48 PM

It's quite an adventure ... but I think it's worth it. :)

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