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-   -   I have my kiddo next week (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48358)

LadySFI 06-05-2013 01:44 PM

I have my kiddo next week
I was hoping some of the couple's here with kids could help me. Next week I have my son here alone with me for the first time since I started dating my boyfriend two and a half months ago. He is 9 And it's a really bright kid. My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together and do sleepovers a couple times a week. I am not sure how to handle things while my son is visiting. He knows my boyfriend and has seen him do sleepovers and whatnot before but with my SO around. We have yet to hug Or touch much in front of him either. Not sure what to do. Any advice would greatly appreciated.

nycindie 06-05-2013 09:57 PM

I have read many sensible posts from poly parents about this - basically the smartest and safest thing to do is wait to introduce a lover to your children until you've been seeing that person regularly for a few months (I'm thinking six) and know there is a solid commitment first. It won't kill you not to see the boyfriend while your kid is with you. You've barely begun seeing this guy - it's less than three months. Hold off on having them meet. Just wait until the relationship is on solid ground, so you know you can trust the person with your son AND so your son doesn't get attached to someone too soon (in case the relationship ends).

Dagferi 06-05-2013 10:16 PM

I do not believe in introducing children to a new relationship. At least 6 months and the new SO should not be suddenly there all the time. Meaning I would NOT do a sleepover while your kid is visiting.

Murf met my kids 6 months into our relationship. His first meeting as on neutral ground. We took the kids trick or treating. They spent maybe an hour or two together. We slowly increased the time the spent around my kids. Now they go with me to spend overnights at Murf's house.

We slowly increase the amount of PDA's the kids saw. They didn't blink an eye. My boys are 10 and 6. The only kids that had an issue has been my oldest who is 19. But he is out on his own.

Tomorrow Murf is going with hubby and I to my youngest sons Kindergarten graduation.

GalaGirl 06-06-2013 01:02 PM

I would suggest keeping it the same or going even lower key -- skip the sleepovers / dates. Son can see BF around but no PDA and no introducing him as "BF" just yet. "A friend" is good enough for a 2.5 mos old dating partner. Maybe it's a litmus for the new dating partner -- cuz if he's going to kick up fuss because you also are a parent and have those kinds of obligations to meet... better to know it in the early days.

Son is visiting so could prioritize the SON and spending time with him. Both as a family (you + husband + son) and just you and him to strengthen that part of your polymath relationships. Children count in it to me -- they may not be lovers, but child-parent rship is just as intense/intimate/close because they need so much guidance and care along the path to becoming adults themselves. 9 may be bright, but 9 is still only 9. YKWIM?

Could meet all the kid needs before hanging with grown ups who ought to get that dependent needs come first. Certainly ahead of grown up wants.


LadySFI 06-06-2013 01:39 PM

My son has already met D and spent quite a bit of time with him. However, this will be the first week that my hubby hasn't been around as well. They get along great and we actually have some outings plan. He already understands that he is my best friend so we spend a lot of time together, but I have left it at that.

SchrodingersCat 06-06-2013 08:30 PM

My girlfriend didn't wait very long before introducing me to her kids, only a few weeks after we were officially dating. I go over all the time, and they're a very social family so the kids are used to people coming and going. They two youngest don't yet have any concept of romance, and the oldest at 13 understands that romantic relationships don't always last, and their parents' partners aren't someone to get too attached to. At the same time, my gf explained very early that her kids already have three parents and they don't want or need any more, so I always just act friendly with the kids, but not at all parent-like.

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