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-   -   How do I come out to my gf that im Poly? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48205)

WillyB 06-02-2013 11:56 PM

How do I come out to my gf that im Poly?
 
Been in a mono relationship for 9 years and I have realized over my time I have been the happiest in my relationship when I was with other women as well but when I told her it was considered cheating of course. But now im seeing another woman again and Ive never felt more in love with my gf but i have strong feelings for my new friend... I know im wrong for not telling my gf but this is how im happy and after reading up on polyamory I see there is nothing wrong with what i feel for them two. How do I tell my gf that without her thinking I dont love her?

HELP PLEASE?

kdt26417 06-03-2013 12:33 AM

Hi,

Try the following link:
http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...sg9230#msg9230

In the meantime, you might want to consider putting the brakes on your relationship with this other woman. It is usually best to only engage in those relationships for which you have everyone's knowledge and consent. As long as your girlfriend doesn't know about it, you don't have her knowledge and consent.

Dirtclustit 06-03-2013 12:36 AM

Depends on what my mean by "seeing"
 
as to whether or not you are wrong, if you know your gf has or might have the wrong impression of how you feel for this woman you are seeing, even if you didn't intend to give her the wrong impression, but if her understanding of your relationship is not accurate, then yes you are doing your gf wrong if you knowingly let her continue in your relationship with a false impression. It's wrong to not clarify if you know she isn't clear about what's going on. It's wrong unless you both have an expectation that it's OK to mislead the person you are "seeing".

The most successful way to begin the discussions if you have never had such talks, is to inform your partner before there is anyone in mind. More times than not your partner will feel like you have conspired against them. Unless you think your gf is going to take to poly like a fish to water, you may have to let this one go as most SO's take to poly like a fish to a bicycle if you already have someone in mind.

Or do you mean "coming out" poly in the traditional sense, like you our introducing your two partners (who already know you practice polyamory) to your parents.

But it sounds like you mean tell your partner you want be non-exclusive as opposed to your current relationship, which your gf considers exclusive I take it?

WillyB 06-03-2013 12:37 AM

thank you I will check out the website

WillyB 06-03-2013 12:46 AM

Sorry for confusion
 
But it sounds like you mean tell your partner you want be non-exclusive as opposed to your current relationship, which your gf considers exclusive I take it?


You are right I am trying to tell her I want to be non-exclusive even though she believes we are exclusive. I think she will respond negatively to it but after reading a lot on the forums here I know to start i need to be open to her about how I feel about my friend btw this is not the first time we've been through this. I've just always tried my hardest to fight what I was feeling because I was told it was wrong and I should only love one person.

Dagferi 06-03-2013 12:58 AM

You need to be up front and honest period. Cheating and lying is not ok.

You need to give her the option to do the right thing for her.

kdt26417 06-03-2013 07:54 PM

If you're going to continue to date this other woman, I suggest you tell your girlfriend about that right away. You can certainly tell her your feelings for her have not changed, and you can direct her to this website as well.


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