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-   -   Poly- Lez or Bi? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=47634)

santosha 05-24-2013 02:45 AM

Poly- Lez or Bi?
 
I realized things were not working for my husband (of 10 years) and I about 6 months ago. I felt this "ah ha" moment of realization that I was a lesbian. A recent first relationship with a woman confirmed that yes, in fact, I feel an MUCH more intense sexual connection with women than men... like WAY more!

I broke up with this girl (my first lez relationship) about a week ago because it was too serious and I wasn't ready for that. Then I started truly grieving the end of my marriage. Although we are staying married (with 2 kids-8 and 4) our relationship will never be the same. I've been VERY emotional for the last week.

Now, I confided with my husband (who I talk VERY openly and honestly with) that I miss being intimate with him, that I don't crave him like I do women, but that I miss his touch and that I want to have sex with him again.

I feel like bad person for being so unclear with my boundaries. I want to be clear with him- for his sake, but I also want to be honest. I feel like right now, when things are new is the best time to investigate these ideas.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Ideas for coping?

Thanks!

AnnabelMore 05-24-2013 03:11 AM

It seems to me like, if you two are planning to stay married, and if he and you are both ok with it emotionally, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a mostly-sexless-open-marriage versus a sexless-open-marriage. Love is love, and it sounds like you love him, even if you don't desire him. That is a valid way to feel, and it's up to you two to sort out where to go from here. There are many possibilities, and none are right or wrong as long as everyone is being listened to and respected.

Magdlyn 05-24-2013 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by santosha (Post 206226)
I realized things were not working for my husband (of 10 years) and I about 6 months ago. I felt this "ah ha" moment of realization that I was a lesbian. A recent first relationship with a woman confirmed that yes, in fact, I feel an MUCH more intense sexual connection with women than men... like WAY more!

How did this all come about? You came to the realization, suddenly, that you desire women, and told your h, and he and you agreed to an open relationship where you could date and have sex with women?

Had sex with your h become infrequent for quite some time by that point?

Sexual preference can be so confusing... it's a continuum. I've known of women who had been strictly lesbian for years suddenly falling for a guy, marrying him and having kids, and yet still IDing as lesbian. Or 2 lesbians, one of whom decides she isn't just butch, but a transgendered male. Then her partner is suddenly with a guy, not a woman. Is she now straight?

And so on.

Quote:


I broke up with this girl (my first lez relationship) about a week ago because it was too serious and I wasn't ready for that. Then I started truly grieving the end of my marriage. Although we are staying married (with 2 kids-8 and 4) our relationship will never be the same. I've been VERY emotional for the last week.

Now, I confided with my husband (who I talk VERY openly and honestly with) that I miss being intimate with him, that I don't crave him like I do women, but that I miss his touch and that I want to have sex with him again.
So, you're bi. Maybe 80% loving women, 20% loving men, you decide. Some lesbians abhor penises so much, not only will they not fuck a guy, they won't fuck a bi woman (because she's had a penis in her vagina), nor will they fuck a transwoman, pre or post op!

Quote:

I feel like bad person for being so unclear with my boundaries. I want to be clear with him- for his sake, but I also want to be honest. I feel like right now, when things are new is the best time to investigate these ideas.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Ideas for coping?

Thanks!
I dunno. Have sex with whomever you want, and stop trying to label yourself?

There is also the possibility you have NRE for being gay. Yeehah, I'm gay! Ima fuck women! It's new and exciting. But maybe you're bi or pansexual and still like men at least a little bit. Or even just one man.


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