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-   -   Advice on jealousy and fear? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=47615)

crimsonsapphire 05-23-2013 06:33 PM

Advice on jealousy and fear?
 
I am in a poly relationship with my boyfriend. He also has a wife and we have been together for over a year now. in the recent months though, I have been jealous of his wife thinking that he will eventually just push me away and not love me anymore. I also feel like he prefers to have sex with her more often than me, and that in time he will grow tired of me.
I want to change this though because I have been having a lot of fights with him recently and I don't want our relationship to split apart because of this. Even though, he does so much for me and always telling me that he loves me, I am still scared that something this good will eventually come to an end and that I will screw up our relationship to the point where he will leave me or not love me as much anymore. I don't want to be depressed or negative anymore but I'm just scared of what could happen. Is there any way I can fix this?

BoringGuy 05-23-2013 08:34 PM

Learn some new bedroom tricks, i dunno. Take videos of yourself masturbating. Cut the crotches out of your pantyhose. Read some books, buy some dildos and butt plugs (silicone only; stay away from "pvc" and "jelly" ones).

Amazon dot com is your friend.

Marcus 05-23-2013 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crimsonsapphire (Post 206110)
I don't want to be depressed or negative anymore but I'm just scared of what could happen. Is there any way I can fix this?

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1877

Dirtclustit 05-25-2013 03:41 PM

talking about helps
 
Talking about IT helps. Everyone has their moments of jealousy and feeling insecure, it is part of being human and those who say it never happens aren't being realistic.

There are healthy ways to deal with it, and if you cannot, it's likely that either you will only be bringing misery to your life OR you haven't found a "style" of non-monogamy that works for you. The hardest part is being able to honestly evaluate your situation so that you can recognize whether it's you and your behavior that is causing your difficulties or if it's rooted in the fact that you don't see eye to eye with your partners and those you are connected to, through them.

When all involved have a genuine desire to be respectful and caring towards everyone both directly and indirectly involved, you can find a way that works. Such skills are necessary to have regardless of the types of relationships you cultivate throughout your life.

AnnabelMore 05-25-2013 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crimsonsapphire (Post 206110)
I am in a poly relationship with my boyfriend. He also has a wife and we have been together for over a year now. in the recent months though, I have been jealous of his wife thinking that he will eventually just push me away and not love me anymore. I also feel like he prefers to have sex with her more often than me, and that in time he will grow tired of me.
I want to change this though because I have been having a lot of fights with him recently and I don't want our relationship to split apart because of this. Even though, he does so much for me and always telling me that he loves me, I am still scared that something this good will eventually come to an end and that I will screw up our relationship to the point where he will leave me or not love me as much anymore. I don't want to be depressed or negative anymore but I'm just scared of what could happen. Is there any way I can fix this?

You could very easily be having nearly identical fears in a mono relationship. Fearing that your partner will get bored of you, doesn't like sex with you all that much, or that you'll screw things up are insecurities that are very general... do you think this is actually because of poly, or is this just part of who you are? Maybe counseling would help you develop better self-esteem?

choctaw103 05-25-2013 08:34 PM

It sounds like you may need some help, if you are being told you are valued and that someone loves you but you can't help but fear something will go wrong, that would seem to be an internal problem. You have value and you are valued by the person you are seeing, by his own admission, so don't sweat it so much and enjoy the ride.

polywindsor 05-25-2013 09:04 PM

I agree it is somehing u need to talk aboUt but is she supportive of ur time because the negative way she thinkz your a phase I think u said she's pushing you out of the relationship. Are you a v or triad?


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