My Adventures in polyamory
This whole adventure started when a good friend of mine introduced my boyfriend and I to Polyamory: Married and Dating. I had never head the term before and wanted to watch it out of curiosity. As we watched more episodes it led us to research it a bit more online and in turn we started to make connections between the stuff we were reading and our pasts.
I realized I have always been a serial monogamist, jumping from one relationship to another just to see if the grass was actually greener. I hated losing the connections but I was always under the assumption that I had to choose.
We both had deep emotional feelings towards people in our past even thought we were completely in love and devoted to each other. We were always able to discuss this openly and honestly with each other without feeling like it was threatening to our relationship.
It just all made sense to us.
After much research and many discussions we came up with an agreement that we thought would work well for us. That agreement has grown and evolved so much over the short time that we have been exploring non-monogamy.
A bit about our adventures:
When we first opened ourselves up to this I only had one thing in mind. I really wanted a woman in my life. I have always been, as long as I can remember, attracted to women and considered myself bisexual. It had been so long since I was able to have that kind of relationship with a women that that was what I wanted to focus on but as well all know life doesn't always go according to plan.
My boyfriend, who I will call Phoenix, ended up finding a girl, let's call her Kitten, who was a long time friend of his to join us in the bedroom and that was an amazing experience but it never really went anywhere other than that.
After that everything died down as we anticipated the birth of our first child together, his second and my third.
Eventually we got back in the swing of looking to expand our relationship.
My first official outside lover was Z, he was the one that introduced us. We had been online friends for a while after meeting through gaming. We got closer and eventually developed a love for each other. It may be long distance but to me that means nothing.
I started talking to a girl (M) on OkCupid and thought we hit it off well. We met up on a whim and I had a really nice time. I found out that she lived a bit out of time and not having a vehicle I convinced myself it wasn't going to work because I couldn't ask her to always make the trip to come see me. She is very hard to resist though. I would find us constantly being flirty with each other and she would say things and do things, like bringing me home a souvenir from her trip even though we only met a couple weeks prior, that would make me feel incredible. We've been getting closer since we started talking and find myself more and more attracted to her every day.
In the midst of me trying to convince myself it wasn't going to work with M, Phoenix had started talking to and hanging out with a girl (S) who actually took and interest in him. They got to know each other and developed a relationship. This was the first time I ever really had to deal with feelings of jealousy. It was really hard for me the first time that they were intimate but he held me and reassured me that he was still here and it made him realize just how much he still wanted me.
We ended up all taking the kids to the park one day which is where I was introduced to her husband, G. Him and I started talking and hanging out as well and from my perspective started to form a casual relationship, something I am not used to so it has been an adjustment.
About a week ago S & G decided they needed to take sometime to reconnect with each other so we had to put things on hold with them. I don't know where things will be when they decide they are ready again but of course my mind is in worst case scenario mode. It has been very hard on me especially since I never really knew where I stood with G.
I have been lucky to have some things to take my mind off of that whole situation. Phoenix and Z have been amazing in talking about things with me and keeping me in a positive space, Kitten sent me a lovely text about the night she spent with us that made me feel really good and a few days ago M knew I was feeling pretty down about everything so invited me out to dinner and it instantly lifted my mood. I had been wanting to see her and connect with her and I was extremely happy to have had that opportunity.
That is my story so far. I am so excited to be on this journey of self discovery. I really can't wait to see where it takes me. :)
Welcome to the Forum! I'm happy your here and can't wait to read more of your story as it un folds! We should hit the town for some more "tequilas" again soon. But maybe next time an activity that doesn't require money ha ha ah
I look forward to following your journey. I hope all is well with everyone. :)
First, thank you both for the welcome! I am happy to be here. I enjoy having a community that I can connect with and go to for advice if I need it.
Mal, more face time is definitely in order, no matter what we do!
So I finally got an update from G last night.
He and S have been non-monogamous for years but their relationships with Phoenix and I are their first experience with the emotional aspect.
He said he was always comfortable with being FWB but was definitely open to the possibility of more but was feeling like the main focus was pushing for the emotional aspect of things and feeling pressured into making things happen faster than it would naturally. He said he was feeling overwhelmed and needed to step back and sort everything out in his head, which I completely understood.
I asked how he wanted to proceed and he said it was up to me. I told him that my feelings towards him were more than just FWB and that I would like to explore those feelings but if he wasn't feeling that then I could step back and cool down on the emotional side. He told me I could have any feeling I wanted but to know that they may not be returned at par at the same time.
That is something I am well aware of and have been my entire romantic life.
I am a very emotional person and I tend to fall for someone hard and fast. It scares people away sometimes and that makes it really hard on me.
I want things with G to progress so I know I need to just go into things with no expectations and try and keep my emotions cool. I also know that I can't let myself be a doormat either. I don't want to be just a FWB and if I don't find things are progressing then I will have to let it go. :(
Some people's interests
Take more time to manifest into feelings but like you said you are not a doormat either. Give time to get time. It should be a equal opportunity. Careful you don't over invest your heart too soon. I hate to see you sad. :)
Things have been fairly quiet lately.
After our transition I would only sporadically hear from G every few days and even then it seemed very distant. I got a text from him today saying he was disappointed he hadn't been able to talk to or see me lately. Felt kind of good to hear but not getting my hopes up.
In happier news, I got to spend some quality chill time with M! I had such an awesome time with her. She came over and I made her cupcakes that I have been promising her forever now! We watched a movie and a couple Ted Talks on netflix then chatted for a while. She suggested another but it was getting really late, which sucked, I think I could have stayed up all night with her.
Hanging out with her reinforced my notion that when I really like someone I get super awkward lol I wanted to kiss her and cuddle her all night but in my head its a battle of should I/shouldn't I? I finally managed to kick myself in the ass and go for it and kissed her as she was getting ready to leave. :D I really wish I would have done it sooner so that we could have more but I am sure there will be other opportunities haha at least I really hope there are!
<3 Ted Talks!
Forever loving from a distance.
It seems like every time I start to develop strong feelings for someone something happens with their primary and I have to take a step back.
I understand that primary relationships come first and I will respect that until the day I die but it is really hard not being able to explore, develop, and express those feelings.
People tell me that my ability to fall for someone hard and fast is a good thing but most days I just really wish I could turn it off. I love feeling love, no matter to what extent and it is painful when I can't express that.
Just glad to know I will never have to take a step back from Phoenix. He has been so great in helping me deal with every emotion I have had during this whole thing, whether it is encouraging me to pursue someone or being a shoulder to cry on when my heart is hurting. I am very grateful to have him.
Losing a lover (if that is what you want to call him)
Just found out that G is being posted across the country.
Still trying to grasp my emotions surrounding this. I am sad he is leaving but happy that he is excited about it.
And just when I thought things may actually go somewhere...
I can't fight this feeling anymore...
Oh M (or Cherry, because just an initial is boring)
I am falling for her hard. Of course the awkward in me would never straight up tell her that buuut I know she will read this so cat's out of the bag! Haha
I took her out on a real date a couple weeks ago and it was a lot of fun. I always have fun with her though no matter what we are doing. She just seems to brighten my day.
She has been on my mind a lot since. Desiring some cuddle time.
I think what really did it for me was a few days ago I found out my grandfather was admitted to ICU and wouldn't be making it out of the hospital. I texted her and told her and she happened to be just a few mins from my house so she stopped in for a few mins and gave me a hug. It is funny how such a small gesture can mean so much.
I am in deep now but still have that nagging fear of rejection. Just going to enjoy our time together and try not to think about it.
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