Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   General Poly Discussions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   Poly and sex (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=47167)

JustUs 05-16-2013 06:41 PM

Poly and sex
 
Disclaimer: I was very/am very hesitant to post this question, just because in the poly lifestyle I have read very little about it...

But, my wife and I are in a V-Poly relationship, my wife is the hinge between myself and her boyfriend. We all get along very well together as a group as well as he and I are good friends as well (both heterosexual). My wife and I have been poly for about 6 years total, the first year or two, didn't see it as poly.

My question is, probably geared more to the men out there, but there maybe some wives/girlfriends who SO may have the same feelings or thoughts. But, are there men who are turned on or aroused by the act of their wife having sex with their bf or enjoy hearing about it afterwards and such or if there has been times they may have had sex with each other while all 3 sleeping in the same bed and seeing them together a turn on?

Like I said, I have seen little written about this on this poly site, so my fear of posting it in the first place is I feel it might be a taboo subject when it comes to the poly lifestyle or is it something that is common but just not spoken about. Any input would be great.

Vixtoria 05-16-2013 07:09 PM

I don't think that's a taboo subject at all! I've actually seen it expressed around here in other threads. Some people say they have compersion, others talk about a cuckhold fetish, I think it depends on how the situation comes about.

Personally, I find it really hot the idea of either of my guys being with someone else. DH has expressed that he enjoys being able to share comments about more intimate things with another but he and DC fluctuate. Sometimes they are all teasing and kind of turned on about me being with the other, sometimes they feel more like saying "TMI!"

To be honest, and I don't think I've mentioned this before but, I had a visit just before X Mas to see DC, it was our first visit and so we were all nervous and aware of it going to become intimate so we had a code in place for the first time we had sex. That was a bit unnerving, but after that, it was all relaxed. DC and I had four days together and well, the last day we did nothing physically because he was, sore.

When I got home that came up, and now both DH and DC will tease me about how I 'broke his dick'. (I still contend it was not entirely my fault!) So there's times it is a real turn on and the times it's not seem to be times when someone isn't feeling as though they are getting enough private attention. Which I think is natural.

LovingRadiance 05-16-2013 07:15 PM

I feel that way-turns me on.
However-neiter Maca or Gg feel that way. They don't want to hear/see. We have had a threesome togetger on two diff occasions. But Gg can't get it up at all in that situation. Pretty pointless as far as I am concerned.

Their sexual interests are so disparate. Its just a waste of energy to try again.

BoringGuy 05-16-2013 07:59 PM

What they said. While it may not be some people's "thing", it's hardly unusual and certainly not "taboo".

JustUs 05-16-2013 08:10 PM

Thanks to all three of you for your comments. I am glad others get something from it as well, and that it is not considered taboo.
But it does makes sense that it is not for everyone. I do feel that us talking about it also keeps communication very open, which we do a lot of, but I also want them (my wife and her bf) to be ok with keeping some things between themselves and not to have to tell me all the details...
I do agree with the compersion aspect of it very much also.

CattivaGattina 05-16-2013 08:55 PM

I don't want to see it, but I've learned since woodsmith and I moved in with primal and lamian that I do enjoy hearing primal and lamian. Partly because they are friends and I want their relationship to stay healthy and partly because I know how much joy it brings primal to please his partners so even when it's not me I enjoy knowing he's getting that pleasure.

Woodsmith I've found out wants a bit of distance. He knows primal and I have sex but doesn't want to hear about it. Even as an explanation if I'm exhausted.

Magdlyn 05-17-2013 02:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustUs (Post 204669)

My question is, probably geared more to the men out there, but there maybe some wives/girlfriends who SO may have the same feelings or thoughts. But, are there men who are turned on or aroused by the act of their wife having sex with their bf or enjoy hearing about it afterwards and such or if there has been times they may have had sex with each other while all 3 sleeping in the same bed and seeing them together a turn on?

Like I said, I have seen little written about this on this poly site, so my fear of posting it in the first place is I feel it might be a taboo subject when it comes to the poly lifestyle or is it something that is common but just not spoken about. Any input would be great.

This is not a rare feeling. In fact, there may be roots of this feeling in early humankind, when we lived in tribes, didn't marry, and men would "stand in line" to fuck an ovulating woman. Read "Sex at Dawn." Very interesting book with lots of anthropological (and zoological/ape) evidence for this phenomenon.

It explains the size and shape of human males' genitalia, why women are vocal during sex, and many other things.

Aurelie26 05-18-2013 08:20 AM

My BF likes to know I'm being satisfied by my lover, he likes me to talk about it, and to watch us. We do not have threesomes as such, as only my lover and I have sex when the three of us are together, my bf does participate in a way though.

We do have a full on cuckold dynamic in our relationship now though, so I guess those things go hand in hand.

Arinbjorn 05-19-2013 11:33 AM

My wife is the hinge in our V, with another male partner who is transitioning to female via estrogen therapy.

My wife wanted us to have a threesome together, so we tried.

It was a very odd experience.

For me, it's just too much like cuckoldry now. I don't want to know - I don't want to discuss it with them - etc. It's not the transgender thing at all. Such things just aren't my cup of tea.

Probably everyone would be on a spectrum when it comes to this, is my guess. I don't think it's a taboo topic.

JustUs 05-19-2013 12:31 PM

Thanks to everyone for the great responses. It's nice to know other's get the same satisfaction from hearing about their partners experiences and such. I do know it is not for everyone as a lot of people follow the DADT rule, which is great if it works for them. Nice thing is, everyone's relationships are different, but always good to hear what works for others.
Also, this is the nice thing about this website and the members, most everyone is open minded and not judgemental, which makes posting questions and such much easier knowing it is a great group of people on here to give there insight and experiences.


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:41 PM.