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-   -   Lots of catching up to do (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=47007)

darkwillows 05-15-2013 01:21 AM

Lots of catching up to do
So it's been almost a year since I posted last and so much has happened that I thought I'd take the time to share some of it.

N and I's relationship remained pretty much as FWB until November when slowly but surely, he started to open up. It was incredibly difficult to ride it out and wait, especially when we all four would hang out and I felt like a fourth wheel watching D and K interact and being almost completely ignored by both D and N. I tried my best to follow my husband's advice and have fun anyway and not dwell on it too much, but there were a few times where it was damn near impossible. I knew the problem wasn't about me, it was N's inability to accept K was with someone in addition to him, and watching her be with D really bothered him, but that didn't really make it any easier.

N and I had been texting almost every day since May but it wasn't anything meaningful or deep, just goofing off or bitching about coworkers (:D) but around October, we started delving deeper into his relationship with K and how he was handling it (read: not well) and what he could do to ease his mind and be a better boyfriend to her. We talked about setting up rules and boundaries and how to discuss things rationally without getting too emotional and shutting down (it's an issue for both N and I).
It got back to K that his somewhat abrupt change in behavior and acceptance came from us talking and I don't know if she decided to return the favor but all of a sudden, N was a lot more attentive to me as well and really began trying in earnest to actually be a boyfriend.

So it's been about eight months and we're doing really well. We are openly Bf/Gf when we go out, his friends know about us and while some are a bit uncomfortable with it, he gives me just as much attention in a room as K. And I can finally say that I am truly polyamorous since he recently told me he loved me very much and was so very lucky to have me in his life. And I feel very much the same way about him.

Unfortunately, D and N are no longer friends. They had been for many years and the interpersonal relationships between all four of us just drove them apart. Whenever N and K get into a fight, D stands up for K and trash talks N, which of course upsets K and I. I love my husband and but wish he would respect N and she loves both of them and wishes they wouldn't snipe at each other. And of course, respect is a two way street and my husband felt he didn't get it from N, and there were a few times I witnessed N being disrespectful to D as well. So clearly, they have work to do. D and N are civil and cordial but I don't really know if it will ever return to the way it was before we all started dating.

D and K are still together but don't see each other as often as they once did. Now that N and K established boundaries, she has been busy branching out. I don't blame her considering she was essentially denying herself for two years while she was monogamous. It hurts D to see it happening but he ultimately wants her to be happy so he accepts it and has also branched out as well. I do my best to be supportive, even though it can be difficult at times because he's in the throes of NRE again and I work two jobs so we don't see each other very often (we also have completely opposite work schedules).
So that is it and us, in a nutshell, for the past year or so.

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