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-   -   Am I just not meant for this lifestyle? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=46816)

Librarian 05-13-2013 12:25 AM

Am I just not meant for this lifestyle?
So, I think I've made about three threads here so far. They've all dealt with my anxiety, insecurity and fear over my wife starting a relationship. While this all started out as my idea, it's now something she is totally on board with, and I just have been a wreck. Sometimes I'm cool with things: My wife has a friend that she makes out with. No big deal! Other times, I freak: My wife is more interested in this new guy than me. He is cutting into my place with her. She thinks about him more than me. Etc. etc.

Every time I come to terms with things, something sets me off and I go into panic mode again. I've read and I've read. I've talked and 've talked. I understand the nature of jealousy and the thoughts they produce. I trust my wife. But, if I'm this crazy about it, how do I know if this just is something I'm not cut out for? How do I tell my wife? Is this fear and doubt a phase? How do I know if I need to really work hard on putting the brakes on this, or if this is right for me and my wife and I should continue with coping and working towards the happiness that was originally what I/she/we set out for?

AnnabelMore 05-13-2013 12:52 AM

Well, see, the problem here is that, as you've said in your other post, you've identified something that you think might assuage your feelings of insecurity, and that's to meet your partner's partner. How can you know whether you're cut out for poly, when your first foray into it is happening in such a way that you're not being provided with the thing you think you need to be ok with it?

It really is ok to need to meet your metamours in order to feel comfortable. If you meet your metamour, everything is on the up and up, and yet you're still feeling uncontrollably insecure, then you'll know that poly isn't a workable option for you.

GalaGirl 05-13-2013 12:57 AM

Are you in poly hell? Did you and wife talk about how to handle that to minimize dings in the transition time?


Librarian 05-13-2013 02:24 PM


Originally Posted by GalaGirl (Post 203540)
Are you in poly hell? Did you and wife talk about how to handle that to minimize dings in the transition time?


Yeah. This sounds like me alright! We've discussed these things, but still, the panic attacks occur. I gave the article to her. We're talking about it.

GalaGirl 05-13-2013 06:17 PM

Glad you are talking.

Is this a case of it taking some transition time for the "new normal" to feel less "weird" for you? Older thread could help.


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