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-   -   new and worried... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=468)

polycurious 07-06-2009 03:57 PM

new and worried...
hi everyone,
i am a 20 yr old female and my partner is a 22 yr old female. we have been together for 8 months. our relationship is quite serious and we see each other being together for years to come. our problem is that we both feel like we're very young and not ready to settle down into a "forever" relationship. we feel like we both would like more experiences sexually first. we are thinking about trying a sort of open relationship. we would be with only each other emotionally, but have other physical partners that we do not talk about to each other (neither of us can stand the thought of the other sleeping with someone else). so, i suppose it's not a true poly situation as we will not have relationships with others.

we are both being cautious about this because neither of us has tried this before. she is more willing and ready because she feels that she can easily disconnect her emotions from sex, and i am less sure that i can do this.

we talk about all of this a lot. she says we absolutely don't have to do this if i'm not ready for it. she doesn't want to push me into anything. she wants the rules to be ok with both of us.

my biggest concern is my jealousy, so i'm trying to do a lot of research online to figure out what my jealousy means and how i can deal with it. i'm trying to be open about this new situation, but i really don't know how either of us will feel when it actually starts happening.

oh, and something else to add, we will have a semi long-distance relationship. we will be about three hours apart from each other, but plan to see each other often.

i'm not sure what i'm looking for by writing this, but maybe any words of wisdom or any ideas or concerns i should be aware of.

Sunshinegrl 07-06-2009 11:24 PM

Hi and welcome :) We are rather new to the Poly Comunity and we are wading our way tthrough things ourselves.. But I have found this site rather helpfull as well as THIS One..It helps to break it down alot. I wish you well and all the best. Hope you can find happiness.

aussielover 07-07-2009 02:20 AM

Welcome! As Sunshinegrl said we're new here too. Defenately read up and do some research if you think this is for you. If I were you I might try to sort through some things before going ahead with it. You don't sound too sure of it at the moment. Jealousy is a big issue that needs to be addressed and open communication is the only way that it will work. :)

Good luck

Quath 07-07-2009 04:16 AM

It is poly in the sense that everyone has full knowledge and consent. However, it seems to be more focused on the sex side of the equation, so it sounds slightly more like swinging.

Yet, I get the feeling that if you two did do this, that someone may get attached to another person in an emotional way. It is hard to help falling in love. So if you do this, make sure you can handle this if it comes up.

As for jealousy, my guess is that you just need to feel secure in your relationship with her. To combat this, you need to make sure you two are communicating. Be willing to set up some rules and guidelines, but also be willing to renegotiate them as needed.

i wish you luck.

polycurious 07-07-2009 05:22 PM

thank you for your replies. my partner has identified that she's feeling nervous about committing to me for the rest of our lives (we can see each other together for a very long time) and so we decided to go on a "break" for right now and reassess in the future. hard decision, but ultimately the right one.

redpepper 07-07-2009 08:31 PM

You are so young poly curious! Why not put the open thing on hold for now. Get to know each other and be deeply connected. I know that you have started out connected, but there is so much more to achieve. You have so much time that you could just leave it for awhile until you are ready.

polycurious 07-07-2009 08:38 PM

I want to. I want to stay with her but she wants freedom right now. It's so hard for me to accept because we have had such a strong relationship and I don't know how she could give that up

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