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-   -   Newb in the north (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4679)

illusion010101 01-06-2011 02:51 PM

Newb in the north
I am totally new to this situation not only the poly lifestyle but the discussing things as well. I am a larger gentleman, with two kids that has been in a loving relationship with my common-law spouse for 10 years. When i got into the relationship with my wife I was told she was bi and like a lot of men immediately started thinking "Sweet deal, threesomes" however this did not happen. my wife was perfectly happy with just me. Recently I started to feel some attraction to a co-worker and began joking around with her. the joking started to build a little sexual tension and i invited her as a friend over to meet my wife. they hit it off splendidly and became fast friends. Maybe subconsciously i was thinking the same old tired thoughts "Sweet deal, threesomes" but it was my wife that broached the subject and basically said she wasnít that attracted sexually but i should go ahead. I was very Leary about that as i donít want anything to hurt my family. the other night very recently we were all sitting around watching movies and i turned to M my wife and asked if she was feeling amorous she said not really as her " aunt flow was visiting" and i asked what if myself and L (the friend) were to fool around" she said to go for it. when L came down i asked if she was feeling cold and if she would like to be warmed up. she kinda freaked a little and looked over to M and asked if me if M was aware of and comfortable with the situation. I said yes and things got heated. M joined us and watched our first encounter. afterward M was very aroused by what had transpired and I was still charged from what had happened so i asked if she was sure if her " aunt flow was still visiting" After a warming shower the tables were reversed and L watched M and I. since then we have had a few more get together and now M and L are "playing" and everyone seems to be enjoying the situation. The ladies and I have been talking constantly about how everyone feels and they have already been talking about making arrangement to bring L into the home. I have SO many questions and concerns its going to be nice having this forum to browse through. I hope this wasnít to much or the wrong info for an introduction. like i say i'm new to all this and my mind is still on auto pilot for a lot of the time. hope i didnít ramble too much.

NeonKaos 01-06-2011 03:07 PM

First of all, welcome to the forum!

Second, oh lordy lordy lordy. Yet another case of let's-have-a-threesome-and-invite-the-person-to-move-in-with-us.


Actually, I'm not going into this because I'm sure other people will and it's not my life so I don't really care what you do. I'm convinced that this is something people have to learn for themselves the hard way.

illusion010101 01-06-2011 03:29 PM

i agree im trying to slow things down. i mean i love my wife and im starting to really fall for the new member but i think they are falling faster. my wife and i had a whirlwhind romance and after 10 years are still going strong. we are both very loving people and i saw a quote i think applies " love doesn't diminish it multiplys" I think the reason im posting on here is I want to avoid whatever mistakes i can. I hate when people get hurt from relationships falling apart. and dont want to cause any angast either in our home or with our new friend. any advice i can get the better of we will be.

Carma 01-06-2011 04:52 PM

I guess it's like any new relationship, trying not to rush into anything -- but I get where you're coming from! How wonderful to be in that state :) Love is so intoxicating, what can I say?! Life is short. Sometimes our worst mistakes can be our best experiences in life and love.

Enjoy it but try to keep your wits about you, hee hee :)

eklctc 01-11-2011 03:21 AM

Welcome to the forum. I am all about letting things progress naturally. That may result in someone moving in much faster than what is 'deemed' acceptable to some but it's all about the comfort levels of you and your partners. I do say don't rush it but just let it flow naturally and discuss every twist and turn along the way.


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