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-   -   New to poly, Questions.... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=46463)

Harval 05-08-2013 12:25 AM

New to poly, Questions....
Hello all, I am 21 years old and about to become a student.
I have been in a relationship with a wonderful girl for about 2 years. We took a hiatus for a month, in which I almost went back to an ex girlfriend (Who I had previously dated for 5 years). I am still very good friends with my ex and she proposed that we three start a poly relationship.
I had heard about polyamory before, but didn't understand it very well. I am starting the get a grasp for it. I am for this adventure, because I haven't ever tried anything like this before, and I do care for both girls a great deal. My girlfriend is hesitant to start a poly relationship, because she is worried about competing for affection with my ex, which I can understand, but I am trying to explain that my relationship with her (current girlfriend) and me will be a primary and the relationship that she (current) and my ex along with the relationship that me and my ex share will be not less loving, but if a problem with the poly relationship starts hurting our primary relationship, that we will pull out.
I think that the jealousy can be calmed if not removed entirely by proper constant communication. If there is anyone that can offer advice and help towards trying to make this feel like a more possible thing, that would greatly improve my outlook on this. Also if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
Thank you have have a pleasant day.

kdt26417 05-08-2013 11:16 PM

Hi Harval,
Welcome to our forum.

I would take things slow for now, the speed of the slowest person. In other words, let your girlfriend set the pace. Also, you have a tough balancing act to perform. Balancing your time and resources between two partners isn't easy. It's easy for someone to feel they've been forgotten or given an unfair share. So, slow, and learn as you go along.

Take advantage of the wealth of threads this site offers. The Golden Nuggets board might be a good place to start.

Post any thoughts, questions, or concerns you might have. For the moment, just take things slow and see what happens.

What kind of relationship do your girlfriend and ex have? Have they met?

Hope this helps,
Kevin T.

Harval 05-09-2013 06:54 AM

Yes it has
Yes it has some. Thank you. They have met, many times. Their relations is somewhat strained. I had almost left my current girlfriend for my ex twice. However, my ex seems to be turning over a new leaf and really trying to help pave a way.

kdt26417 05-09-2013 11:24 PM


"Their relations is somewhat strained."
Well I would not try to force anything in that area. It sounds like you're having more troubles with your current girlfriend than with your ex. Can you elaborate further about that?

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