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-   -   Do the old rules apply? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=46248)

Kalea 05-04-2013 07:59 AM

Do the old rules apply?
 
I am new to polyamory and I wonder-- in the rules of dating...are guys uncomfortable with the women approaching them first?

BoringGuy 05-04-2013 08:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kalea (Post 201778)
I am new to polyamory and I wonder-- in the rules of dating...are guys uncomfortable with the women approaching them first?



Huh? What "rules of dating"? Is this a trick question? Did your time machine stop in the 1950's? This is 2013. Earth. Do you need Plutonium?

BigGuy 05-04-2013 12:52 PM

It depends on the guy. Generally speaking I would expect if a guy is a purveyor of polyamory he's not going to mind being approached by a woman.

For me, one of the most liberating things about polyamory is that we get to make our own rules. As long as there is open and honest communication and agreement between all parties, then we can do whatever is comfortable.

nllswing 05-07-2013 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kalea (Post 201778)
I am new to polyamory and I wonder-- in the rules of dating...are guys uncomfortable with the women approaching them first?

I love being approached by women. This is how I got married! <:):)|;);)>

Kalea 05-07-2013 12:51 AM

BoringGuy

You'd be surprised how some guys are like put off by it. Believe me. But that does not seem to be the case here. So that's cool. :)

choctaw103 05-07-2013 01:36 AM

I don't think that for the most part that this is a problem in this day and age. Gender lines are pretty much a thing of the past. If someone interests you, why not? Also, if you think it is a fine option, wouldn't it tell you a bit about that person if they didn't?

BoringGuy 05-07-2013 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kalea (Post 202145)
BoringGuy

You'd be surprised how some guys are like put off by it. Believe me.


Oh I believe you; but some guys are like just not into every woman that throws herself at them.. Maybe that's why they seemed "put off" by your approaching them. It's not the "rule of dating" that says "men don't like to be approached by women", it's the rule of dating that says "not everyone you are interested in has to be interested in you back".

So, yes, THAT rule DOES apply in non-monogamous relationships too. If someone is not interested in you, and you approach them or ask them on a date, they might turn you down.

It isn't a man/woman thing. It's a people thing. Believe me.

ManofDiscovery 05-07-2013 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kalea (Post 201778)
I am new to polyamory and I wonder-- in the rules of dating...are guys uncomfortable with the women approaching them first?

Some guys will be uncomfortable, but you have to ask yourself if you would be interested in a man who's intimidated by a woman approaching him.

If you turn the question around and say 'would you be uncomfortable with a man approaching you?'...I imagine you would say that it depends on the man, the context of the situation you are in and how he actually approaches you.

The same is pretty much true in reverse.

Are you referring to something specific here that's happened?

Kalea 05-07-2013 10:31 PM

Nope not at all. It was just a life experience thing. But its true sometimes its a not interested thing and other times its a I'm the guy thing.


But its all good!

I'm just looking forward to getting to know you guys!

Somegeezer 05-17-2013 12:13 PM

I'm actually one who prefers it if a woman approaches me. :p

I'm sure I've done my fair share of throwing myself in first. Especially strange, being such the introvert I am. :o
But I definitely find the extraverted types are the first I notice, for obvious reasons of them being all up in my face. :p

But as has also been said, depending who it is, it can sometimes come off as too much, as well. For me, it'd probably depend on my mood, as to -how much- extraversion I could manage. A simple, friendly hello is never going to put me off, though. :D


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