Hello, Iíve been lurking and reading for a while and am interested in learning about poly lifestyles. I donít know if I actually identify as poly; that remains to be seen.
I personally have never been in a relationship. For one reason or another, just hasnít happened. My first introduction to polyamory was some years ago, through fanfiction. Yes, thatís a little bit odd. Iíve always enjoyed reading and would spend hours reading fanfics for some of my favorite shows, books, movies, etc. And for some reason, I was always drawn to stories that tended to have triads (though they were always called threesomes in the fics). Usually, they were MMM triads, even though I am a female. There were some I enjoyed that were MMF, but mostly MMM.
I had mostly thought about the lifestyle in terms of stories until recently and how I got there is a bit complicated.
For the last few years, I have had a big thing for one of my best friends, F. He and I were/are pretty close and enjoyed hanging out all the time. A few months ago, he came out to me as being gay, a secret he had kept close for a very long time, but decided to come out with because he was in a relationship with another friend of ours, W. This came as a pretty big shock to me because I had pretty much just taken him at his word that he wasnít really interested in anything and had heard him specifically deny being gay a few times. I donít have a problem at all with him being gay, but having basically been in love with him for several years, it hit pretty hard that he was in a relationship with someone else. I like his boyfriend, W, quite a bit too, and had started developing a ďthingĒ for him shortly before they told me about their relationship.
Iím glad they told me about their relationship because they are both very important to me and I want them to be happy. It hurt though, because each told me that if I were male, they would date me (individually, not together), a sentiment that was meant to be nice, but really just hurt more than anything. But that was kind of what spurred me to start reading and learning more about polyamory. I was pretty depressed, and in the 5 stages of grief, you might say that I fell into this research because I was ďbargainingĒ for any way either might want to have a relationship with me. I was reading through for anyone that might have similar situations and how it turned out for them. Iíve been clinging to the idea that sexuality can be fluid and that someday down the road, they might both be interested in something with me, but unfortunately I think Iím just getting my hopes up along those lines.
So thatís what brought me to the point I am now. Iím trying to get past what has really been one of my most emotional periods. At this point, Iím reading and learning and thinking about whether poly might be for me later in the future. At any rate, some reading Iíve done has really given me things to think about and to discuss and if nothing else, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn something new to take my mind off the situation and make the best of it!
Welcome to our forum.
I suppose you could confess your love to F and W, and tell them if they were ever interested in an MMF triad, you would be willing. But if it seems like that would just make everyone all uncomfortable, that's another judgment call.
In any case, it never hurts to learn more about polyamory, and this is certainly a good place to do it. Let us know of any thoughts, questions, or concerns you may have.
I'm glad you could join us.
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