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polyt 01-03-2011 07:02 AM

I'm, of course, new to polyamory itself, but I've known I was bisexual since I was little. A few months ago, I began talking to a couple in a forum and flirting, eventually considering having a hook-up with them when we met later on. After a while of messaging and texting, I really began to like them. (They're a few years older than I am.) We three finally met for a weekend and hit it off amazingly. We did engage sexually as we discussed but we spent much more time hanging out and talking. I absolutely adore them. They've had threesomes before but no girl actually wanted something emotional with it besides me apparently. They still refer to me as their girlfriend even though I have a boyfriend of my own. I really enjoy talking to them, but they live states away. How do I deal with this? I'm actually considering moving to them in the future, but I'm still not sure. Also, how do I try to talk to them more without annoying them? I don't think that I am, but I'm nervous. The more I text and call them, the more I trust and enjoy them.

redpepper 01-03-2011 07:39 AM

So you are seeing these people and possibly moving to be with them, yet you have a boyfriend. Where does he fit in? Does he know about this?

I suggest talking with them about what they would like to see happen and express what you would like.

Seems a little fast to be talking about moving in with them I think. Maybe near them would be a better idea?

polyt 01-03-2011 07:44 AM

I didn't intend to move in with them right away. Just their state at least.
The boyfriend knows what happened when we met for the weekend; he and I were only friends at that point. He doesn't know they refer to me as their girlfriend but he knows I plan on moving at the beginning of the summer. I never expected a super long-term relationship with him, and he knows that.

GroundedSpirit 01-03-2011 10:48 PM

Don't rush
Hey Poly,

I say just don't rush anything. Everyone at this stage is likely caught tightly in the NRE web. Damn it all feels so right :)

Let it mature for awhile. I think there is a 'trick' to keeping the balance right on contacts and time together. As you wisely considered, too much can be annoying (needy? etc), too little my give the impression it's fading or not that interesting long term. So you want to reinforce that you find the whole model - AND THEM - very much to your liking and way of thinking. Once they understand you are sincere in this it should be easier to navigate.
Of course you have to be watching for the same thing from them. SO many people have the fantasy of 3 way relationships that when it seems they have stumbled into one the get all giddy. It's NOT going to be all fun & playtime in the long run. There's some tests yet that you all have to pass.

Be patient, be prepared :)


Polymonial 01-04-2011 06:34 AM

> Also, how do I try to talk to them more without annoying them?

Disclaimer: I'm completely new to poly myself, only a month into it, so take my opinions with a grain of salt. I'm in the NRE phase as well! ;-)

For our new triad, communication is everything. Granted, I'm sure we talk so much that it could get a little annoying at times; therefore, we try to take a break from it every now and then (so we're not always so serious about everything). But talking frequently has been a cornerstone for our relationship, and if we didn't communicate so well, the relationship would not be proceeding so smoothly.

My hope is that if they're experienced in poly relationships, then they'll know importance of talking and not be annoyed by it. Thoughts?

polyt 01-04-2011 07:32 AM

I did bring up that I didn't wanna annoy them and they assured me that I couldn't. :D Then, they told me they were saving up money to come visit me! I'm so happy, now.

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