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-   -   Lurker No More (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45622)

txpolydrummer 04-25-2013 04:14 PM

Lurker No More
Hi all. I've been lurking and learning for a little over a couple of years now and finally I feel in a position that I can introduce myself and even participate as time allows.

I am Flower's husband. Her introduction is here (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10622). I figured an update has been long overdue. As you can read from her introduction, we will have been married for 14 years this coming May and have three children. As you can also see from her introduction, I have cheated on her. What you do not see from her introduction is that I basically had been cheating on her again (with a different woman) and everything came to a head Feb 2012.

Surprisingly and to to her credit, she has decided to stick with me and work on our relationship and our marriage even when I was ready to force her out of it due to a lot of misdirected resentment I had towards her. Since then we have been concentrating on our relationship and marriage and have made considerable progress. Along the way, I've come to the realizations that many (if not all) of the resentments and hurts were misplaced or could have been avoided had we both been more communicative about our wants, needs and desires.

More honest, open and clear communication has been our focus on this new path in repairing our relationship and preparing for opening up our relationship for me to be poly and her to be open to have casual relationships (sexual or otherwise). (The irony is that the last woman I cheated on could have become an approved relationship had I been honest and communicative).

We have just recently started dating so I am hoping to start blogging about the past and the mistakes I know I have made (and may have be brutally honest to myself about it) so others may learn; and I plan to blog about our journey into practicing poly and open relationships respectively.

Finally, thank you everyone on this board who has taken the time, energy and courage to post up your poly and life experiences. I have learn much that has helped us repair our relationship and help me realize where I was not being fair, where I was being selfish and where I wasn't being the husband and partner Flower needed.

Marvin 04-26-2013 05:11 PM

Hello drummer
I'm glad to hear that you and Flower are working towards a new path of honesty and communication. The communication part, coupled with this honesty of course, is a sure way to a happy marriage. I have experienced much of the same brutal self inflection and honesty that you are faced with now- while I have not cheated on either of my wives, there was a point in our relationship where I felt like I could not be honest with them and it bred nothing but trouble.
I do wish you both the very best of luck in your journey together.
If ever you need advice I, as I'm sure many on here will, will be more than happy to share our experiences with you and your wife.



kdt26417 04-26-2013 09:01 PM

Hello txpolydrummer, it is good to make your acquaintance. Sorry to hear about the bumps in the road you and your wife have experienced. I'm sure you've made a resolution to be dependably honest from here on in.

If there's anything we can do to help, just let us know.

Kevin T.

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