Polyamory.com Forum

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higs 04-24-2013 12:07 PM

hey all
 
Hi everyone :)

I'm a 19 year old french philosophy student, currently studying in Paris, which is lovely.I'm new to relationships, I never had a proper one until recently because I always thought the concept of belonging to someone was stupid and a product of people being insecure about themselves. Forcing someone to go against their impulses and desires by wanting them be faithful to you seems selfish and mostly a hindrance to love.

So I've found someone who shares this point of view, and (stroke of luck) I really like them. Possibly falling in love.

I really need the help of the people on this forum, I'm determined to make polyamory work for me. I consider it equally hard work as monogamy, but ultimately healthier, because instead of channeling the feelings of jealousy into trying to control the other person, you channel them into working on yourself, stepping away from them and hopefully ultimately destroying them. I see there are many older people here, who I'm hoping will give me tips on how to keep it healthy, and perhaps let me know if If I've got the right or wrong idea. Is the fact that I'm sometimes jealous (rarely, but still) an indication that I'm not suited to this life-style? Or have all polyamorous people experienced them at some point and managed to overcome them. Do you get used to being polyamorous? Like I said, this is my first real relationship and I suppose I'm still emotionally immature, which is why wisdom from older members is most welcome.

This is allrady far too long so I'll stop there.

kdt26417 04-25-2013 03:16 AM

Hi higs,
Welcome to our forum.

It sounds to me like you have the right idea, and are off on the right foot. Jealousy is fairly common among polyamorous folks as well as among monogamous folks. Sometimes you overcome it, sometimes you weather it, sometimes you discover something that needs fixing in the relationship. I think of jealousy as being a blinking red light. It doesn't mean all is lost, it just means something is in need of attention. Asking oneself questions about where the jealousy might be coming from is usually a good place to start. Often it has to do with some need that needs to be met. We often feel more generous when we feel like our needs are getting met.

If you look around on our site, I'm sure you'll find more information that will be helpful to you. If you keep posting thoughts, questions, what have you, you can get direct feedback and find out what you need to know.

It's good to have you aboard.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.


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