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-   -   Childfree (and poly) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4547)

jokutus 07-14-2010 11:00 AM

Childfree (and poly)
My wife and I are childfree and we recently opened up our marriage... With our childfree lifestyle, it seems to make being poly extemely easy. I was wondering how many people have decided to live the childfree/poly life. We are lucky because we are friends with 2 other poly/childfree couples so we all pretty much click as a "family" unit. Anyone want to share their thoughts?

kamala 07-14-2010 11:53 AM

I guess I consider myself both childfree and poly. I wonder if the same attitude to life in general (ie, that the quality and tone of your living is more a thing of your own creation rather than fulfilling a preset model that everyone else in your culture does) informs both poly and opting out of having children.

Actually, thinking of it now, the worst kind of response is usually the same for both: "It's not natural, you must secretly want to, you must be crazy/in denial, that's just the way it is, you'll regret it..."

In general I'm enjoying bucking cultural gender norms at the moment - sometimes you only see how firmly ingrained these things are when you actively reject them, ie being moody and emotional, needy and dependent, wanting to nurture kids, wanting to make house, being soft and sweet etc.

While I actually am some of those things, choosing to not have kids (like choosing to be poly) showed me which of them I actually WANT to be :p

NeonKaos 07-14-2010 11:57 AM

I am also CF and admin on a certain CF forum under another username. There are a few other CF people on here who don't post very often.

joyfulgirl26 07-14-2010 06:17 PM

*raises hand*

happily childfree. :)

i definitely agree that not having kids in the picture makes the logistics a little less complicated!

immaterial 07-15-2010 08:44 AM

Child free, relationship free, completely free. At the moment. It sure is simple. :-)


booklady78 07-16-2010 04:00 AM

We are childfree :) I probably wouldn't be able to conceive without fertility treatments, although I've never had a strong desire to have kids anyway. It certainly makes being poly alot easier, it's hard enough to balance extra relationships let alone adding young un's to the mix! But people make it work, you make time for what matters :)

Gem 07-18-2010 06:41 PM

Yep, hubby and I are childfree. My BF is also leaning toward being CF.

SchrodingersCat 07-19-2010 05:26 PM

Hubby has a 17 year old daughter who lives 1.5 hours away, but we are otherwise child-free. Since he only sees her a couple times a month, she doesn't really factor into our day-to-day lifestyle. Certainly not to the extent that a poly relationship would require us to tiptoe around her. Plus, she's old enough not to grow attached to a second partner the way a younger child might.

Our decision to be child-free had nothing to do with poly. It's about our overall lifestyle, and the fact that my husband has "been there, done that" with "the whole kids thing." At the end of the day, I really think we're just too selfish to be parents. We want the things we want, and we recognize that having children will make those things very difficult to achieve.

NeonKaos 07-19-2010 11:16 PM

I have to nitpick here. If you have a kid you are NOT child-free. You yourself can count as child-free if you have no kids of your own, but anyone who has ever had a kid, whether the kid lives with them, is grown, or given up for adoption, or dead, etc. is not CF. CF is not JUST a state of mind. That is PART of it (for example, if you always wanted a kid but were unable to have one for whatever reason, you are childLESS, not childFREE). Someone can ONLY be "child-free" if they never wanted a kid and never had a kid. I don't even believe in the concept of "fencesitters". If someone is weighing the pros and cons of having a kid, then that means they really do want one and are simply trying to find ways to talk themselves out of having one. I also hate it when someone says "I was child-free like you until I had my kid", which is not only incorrect, but very offensive because it implies that I don't know what I want and that I need to make an irreversible decision in order to find out if I'm really sure about it.

immaterial 07-19-2010 11:21 PM

I didn't know this, thanks for the clarification. I am truly child free as I never wanted children, don't have any, don't want any and can't imagine changing my mind.


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