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-   -   Trinogamous Relationship / Polyfidelitous Triads (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=45372)

johnrodriguezlax 04-22-2013 09:44 PM

Trinogamous Relationship / Polyfidelitous Triads
 
I'm new to the forum and have a lot of questions - but I wanted to start with these:

Is there a difference between polyfidelitous triads and trinogamous relationships? I'm familiar with the former but not the latter. Are they the same?

Also, is the term "unicorn hunter" usually applied to one type of pursuit (a couple looking for a bisexual female)? If so, I'm just curious if the poly community tends to find that type of relationship very unusual?

My questions are sincere. I just say that because I've read some threads and it seems the whole "unicorn hunter" term is controversial or arises in some of the more controversial viewpoints.

Are there threads here dedicated to people in either polyfidelitous triads and trinogamous relationships (if there's a difference, if not, is there a thread where people in this type of relationship tend to have dialog)?

BoringGuy 04-22-2013 09:55 PM

I hate the word "trinogamous". One, it's not correct usage of the prefix "tri-". It should be "trigamous". Monogamous (mono-), bigamous (bi-), trigamous ("tri-"), and so on. Two, it sounds like some kind of extinct Jurassic era species "trinogamasaurus".

I really really hate it and i wish people wouldn't use that word.

johnrodriguezlax 04-22-2013 10:04 PM

Responses
 
Thanks for the response. That helps begin to clarify some things. Also - thanks for letting me know I need to keep checking back in for responses. Is there a way to set it up so we can get emails each time someone responds?

Dagferi 04-22-2013 10:06 PM

Someone else posted this in another thread and I found it covered the unicorn hunter issue pretty well.

http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-c...nicorn-hunter/

BoringGuy 04-22-2013 10:07 PM

Unicorn hunters are very common. A person can't really "be" a unicorn despite that some bisexual women and the occasional bisexual man may think they "are" one. A unicorn in this context is simply an idealistic notion that these couples have that they can decide exactly what they want and then search for another person to fill that script, instead of meeting people first and THEN deciding how they might fit into the couple's life, WITH the third person's input of course. Because the unicorn really only exists in the minds of the couple, it is impossible for a real person to "be" a unicorn.

There are plenty of bisexual women who are into dating couples, or open to it if the right people come along. The slang term for them i hear used most often is "hot bi babe" or "HBB" for short. Of course, a woman can be bisexual and involved with a couple or open to it and be neither hot nor a babe, but those two things are subjective anyway and i'm not trying to debate the meanings of the words "hot" and "babe" in this context. Someone else might like to, though.

BoringGuy 04-22-2013 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnrodriguezlax (Post 198919)
Thanks for the response. That helps begin to clarify some things. Also - thanks for letting me know I need to keep checking back in for responses. Is there a way to set it up so we can get emails each time someone responds?

There's a thing for that in the user cp. it's either under email settings or read posts settings.

JaneQSmythe 04-23-2013 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnrodriguezlax (Post 198909)
Is there a difference between polyfidelitous triads and trinogamous relationships? I'm familiar with the former but not the latter. Are they the same?

My impression is that they are the same. My impression is that the "trinogamous" term comes from the LGBT community, whereas I am used to seeing "polyfi triad" on the poly boards that I frequent.

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnrodriguezlax (Post 198909)
Also, is the term "unicorn hunter" usually applied to one type of pursuit (a couple looking for a bisexual female)? If so, I'm just curious if the poly community tends to find that type of relationship very unusual?

"Unicorn Hunter" is usually applied to a couple (generally straight male + bisexual female) who is looking for a bisexual female who is looking for another bi-female to "complete" them. There are problematic assumptions underlying this quest (which is what most of the discussions are about) - namely that this "Hot Bi Babe" is going to be interested in both of them equally and the relationships are going to progress at the same rate - all the while not "threatening" the original pairing in any way.

It's not that this type of relationship is very unusual - many folks look for it, some folks find it - for a while. It's that it seems to be more "sought after" than "successfully completed" (again, due to underlying assumptions that have not been addressed).

JaneQ

Tonberry 04-28-2013 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoringGuy (Post 198914)
I hate the word "trinogamous". One, it's not correct usage of the prefix "tri-". It should be "trigamous". Monogamous (mono-), bigamous (bi-), trigamous ("tri-"), and so on. Two, it sounds like some kind of extinct Jurassic era species "trinogamasaurus".

I really really hate it and i wish people wouldn't use that word.

They're not trying to say trigamous. Since it's a polyfidelitous triad, they're all being bigamous. The relationship is bigamous. They're trying to say trinomous, which literaly means "with three names" but is used to mean "with three people". Then they add "gamous" because they think "oh, monogamous, bigamous, polygamous... we need to end in gamous too!"

I definitely hate this term too, because in my experience, nobody who first enounters it knows what it means. Only when you already know do you understand it. "Polyfidelitous triad" is a term I understood the first time I encountered it. If we're going to name things, might as well make it straightforward names.

Otherwise, "trinogamous" is the adjective some people use to talk about a triad/throuple, yes. I wish they would stop, partially for the reasons above, and partially because that one relationship format is soon going to have more names than all the others combined.

You know how on forums, board and so one there is a new thread pretty much every day saying "My partner and I want to be poly... oh but with a twist, something unique! We're both looking for a female who would be with both of us at once! See, no jealousy could even happen, because seeing two people you love having fun without you is way easier than seeing only one person you love having fun without you, plus this way we don't have to bother looking for people separately. Anyway we came up with it on our own, I can't believe nobody else ever has! Crazy, right?"
And you just look at it, sitting right next to a few other threads saying the exact same thing, and you think "yes, you're so original..."
Well sometimes I feel like all these people also thought they were so innovative and original that they had to find a name for this thing that had never existed before.
As a result, there are more names for it than anyone could possibly care for. It's not like they're all slightly different, either. They're all describing the exact same thing: three people who are all in relationships with the other two, and usually with nobody else (but I've seen all of these words used for both polyfidelitous arrangements and open arrangements).

Anyways, hopefully with time, one word will rise as the most common one and the others will be abandoned. But I predict in the meantime more geniuses will come up with more new words for their totally unique idea.

BoringGuy 04-28-2013 02:27 PM

Quote:

Otherwise, "trinogamous" is the adjective some people use to talk about a triad/throuple, yes.
"Throuple" and its ilk are also stupid as fuck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tonberry (Post 200359)
They're not trying to say trigamous. Since it's a polyfidelitous triad, they're all being bigamous. The relationship is bigamous. They're trying to say trinomous, which literaly means "with three names" but is used to mean "with three people". Then they add "gamous" because they think "oh, monogamous, bigamous, polygamous... we need to end in gamous too!"combined.

I appreciate this explanation, but where did you find this referenced? I just googled "trigamous" and got some definitions:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oxford:
trigamous
Syllabification: (trig·a·mous)
Pronunciation: /ˈtrigəməs/

Definition of trigamous
adjective

having three wives or husbands at the same time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by
Merriam-Webster:
trig·a·mous
adjective \-məs\
Definition of TRIGAMOUS
1
: being or relating to a trigamist or trigamy : living in trigamy
2
: having staminate, pistillate, and hermaphrodite flowers in the same head
Origin of TRIGAMOUS
Gk trigamos thrice married


No online dictionary had a definition for "trinomous" when I googled that word. Could you give me the source/reference of it?

Oh wait, was it this religious blog?

http://beyondmundane.wordpress.com/2...jehovah-leads/

So, it's the bible that gave you the word "trinomous"? And the dictionary/ies have it as "trigamous". Well then. I think that helps me make up my mind. Any time I have a choice between a religious word or definition or a secular word or definition, that ain't no choice at all, LOL.

If you do have a dictionary or some other authoritative source that is not religious, I would really appreciate knowing what it is. But thanks for getting me out of bed this morning. It was just too mincy to do all this googling and copypasta from the ipod.

Tonberry 04-28-2013 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoringGuy (Post 200414)
"Throuple" and its ilk are also stupid as fuck.

I agree. Just mentioning another word I've seen used.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoringGuy (Post 200414)
I appreciate this explanation, but where did you find this referenced?

First of all, this is the second time only than I've seen the word "trinogamous" The first time I asked the person "do you mean 'trigamous'?" and got chastised ("Of course I don't mean trigamous! Trigamous would mean I have three partners! I only have two! I'm bigamous.") So I'm fairly confident people are not trying to say trigamous (and I would have realised that if I realised they were talking about a triad. I thought the guy had 3 partners, that it was a quad.)
If trigamous could apply to a relationship between 3 people, then bigamous could apply to a relationship between 2 people, which is a couple, and monogamous would mean celibate.

As for the word "trinomous", I did not actually goodle anything. In French (I'm French), when people are paired up for a project, we call it working in "binomes", and "trinomes" is used for groups of 3 people. I assumed that "trinomous" would be the corresponding adjective in English, as the starting "trino-" seemed to refer to trinomes.

But it's quite possible that the word "trinome" or "binome" or any derivatives are actually not used in English, which would add up to how confusing the term is.

EDIT: just looked up the translation for "trinome" into English. Got "trinomial".


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