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-   -   fluid bonding/bareback (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4534)

redpepper 12-26-2010 05:50 PM

fluid bonding/bareback
 
What are your stories of being fluid bonded? What do you think the best way of handling the transition is in terms of other lovers concerns, testing, boundaries? What does fluid bonding mean to you and what does it indicate within your relationship?

GroundedSpirit 12-26-2010 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 57059)
What are your stories of being fluid bonded? What do you think the best way of handling the transition is in terms of other lovers concerns, testing, boundaries? What does fluid bonding mean to you and what does it indicate within your relationship?

Fluid bonding is pretty critical to us. Lacking it just takes soooooooo much away. For us it's both erotic and intimate which is something we desire in a lover. Actually, it's literally a fetish for us.

We admittedly are more fortunate than many, so we have a bit of luxury in establishing it. Our circle, or network, predominately consists of people who's sexual travels are somewhat more limited, both geographically and culturally. A less risky environment shall we say. However, it's something we get into VERY explicit discussions over right on day one and take what we feel are appropriate precautions. It's worked for us. Never so much as an externally sourced yeast infection yet ! Of course, as I say, were we in a different culture or area, this would likely have to change.
But we need all that fluid ! Bask & bathe in it :)

GS

nycindie 12-26-2010 07:29 PM

I am really interested in reading others' posts about this. When I started becoming sexual, as a young woman before AIDS and HIV were concerns, I always loved the "sticky" aspect of sex -- all our fluids intermingling on our bodies, tasting, touching -- such a turn-on! Then, during the late 80s and '90s, before I was married, condoms were such the norm and understood to be a requirement, not something to balk at. I didn't like it as much but really never had a problem with anyone not wanting to wear one, or keeping their hard-on. Recently, however, I am finding it odd that two men I've been with have been reluctant to wear them (but they did), and going a bit soft when it went on. I would think guys would be used to it by now, and would want to be more vigilant, with everything we know nowadays. Of course, I'm solo and just starting off in these relationships. So, I'm curious how it is handled when you transition to fluid-bonded status. I understand there must be a huge amount of trust involved. And reliable birth control. Sorry, I think I'm rambling a bit.

MonoVCPHG 12-26-2010 09:03 PM

Condoms were never a big part of my life and never one that I liked. Keep in mind I was only with one sexual partner from the age of 19 to 36. I find condoms adversely affect my erection and make it near impossible to orgasm. I also find it more connecting and spiritual to fill my partner when I cum.
Now the other way.... As far as not being fluid bonded with respect to my partner's fluids I am a very oral person. One of the biggest turn ons for me is consuming my partner's excitemnt...juices are everything...more the merrier!
The idea of licking/sucking on a dental damn sounds more frustrating than fun.

I would be very disapointed if I had to take a break from fluid bonding. I don't have sex just for the sake of it.....I'd probably just wait until we could resume fluid bonding.

There is also the aspect of spontaneous sex. I will do it anywhere any time (except in group settings LOL) and can't iimagine needing a condom for everytime I get to penetrate my partner being very easy....or financially wise ;)

redpepper 12-26-2010 09:49 PM

I didn't know what it is to fluid bond until I met Mono. Except with women that is. All my partners wore condoms. PN and I have always used condoms. I have never been on the pill (which is why old boyfriends wore condoms) and he doesn't want to get snipped, so we carry on perfectly happily. I don't want his cum in me actually. He goes down on me though and trusts that I keep myself healthy. I don't give him blow jobs. Only Mono.

We talk about it in depth at our house as PN is ultra concerned. Its a topic again now that Derby's husband has a girlfriend that is dating a guy who is intimate with quite a few people in our community. The chances of the trickle down of any sexually transmitted issues are rare to nil, but we do talk about this kind of thing anyways. Its important to be aware and tested often just in case. Better to be overly cautious (which reminds me, testing time coming up again soon I think). Some might find it paranoid, but whatever, each to their own. The more we talk about this sticky stuff the better I think. I don't think safe sex is talked about or considered enough actually. I suspect that quite a few people don't engage in safe sex as often as is expected or safe because condoms are not a real turn on for most guys. I too find it surprisingly surprising the lack of acceptance and knowledge.
Mono and I are very fluid bonded. Its important to us and creates a huge amount of closeness and connection. It is indeed a kink for us too. Its actually a large part of why I am fine with restricting my sexual activity to those in my life now. The thought of losing that far outweighs the thrill of new sexual conquests. It just has not been worth it to me. Fluid bonding is a huge reason for me to be poly fi sexually and carry out asexual relationships out side of that.

Somegeezer 12-27-2010 01:45 AM

I think fluid bonding is important to me. I think both partners feel it a lot better and it brings them closer at the same time. It's good to get checked for diseases before you go into a sexual relationship with someone. Saying that, I haven't done so yet. But if ever asked to do so, I would do it without even a second thought. There are plenty of perfectly working birth controls better than a condom, so that should never come up as a problem.

SNeacail 12-27-2010 02:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Somegeezer (Post 57101)
There are plenty of perfectly working birth controls better than a condom, so that should never come up as a problem.

Don't rule out the option of condoms as birth control. Some women have very bad reactions to other forms of birth control. What was fine even 5 years ago can all of a sudden cause serious problems as the hormones try to trick our bodies.

redpepper 12-27-2010 02:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SNeacail (Post 57102)
Don't rule out the option of condoms as birth control. Some women have very bad reactions to other forms of birth control. What was fine even 5 years ago can all of a sudden cause serious problems as the hormones try to trick our bodies.

Worked for me for over twenty years.

BrigidsDaughter 12-27-2010 02:40 AM

I have never really been big on condom use either, I discovered back in high school, when my husband and I were still fuck buddies, that I have an allergic reaction to most spermicidal lubricants. This isn't to say that we didn't use them, but it was never pleasant afterwards, but I was dating 2 other guys and sleeping with at least one of them so we wanted to be careful but once I realized that I was falling for him and sent the other guys packing, bare back became the norm, especially once I was on birth control. I've had an IUD for the last 6 years, so the couple of experiences I had with other guys, in the context of foursomes, did not involve condoms, but they also didn't involve fluid bonding, as the males would always cum in or on their primaries.

With my boyfriend there was no work up to fluid bonding, we'd set the boundary at oral only and so our first intercourse caught us completely off guard and left us reeling, at how powerful the connection was, the fluid bond and how right it felt, but also at the realization that we'd crossed the boundary, broken the rules, and now had to tell our spouses/ primaries what had happened. Thankfully it all worked out in the end, because I can't imagine not having that connection with him.

Within our quad there is no condom use, though the unspoken rule is that if there is a potential to have sex with anyone outside the group you must use protection.

Somegeezer 12-27-2010 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SNeacail (Post 57102)
Don't rule out the option of condoms as birth control. Some women have very bad reactions to other forms of birth control. What was fine even 5 years ago can all of a sudden cause serious problems as the hormones try to trick our bodies.

Yes. But it's always good to try out those methods with higher success rate. Medical science will always become better as time goes on too. =] I would use a condom as a last resort of birth control. But for disease control, I'd be more comfortable with no sex at all.


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